To Hell and Back
by rgs38
Summary: Greg Parker is the rock which all of the team leans on but what happens after "Fault Lines" when Toth's recommendations call for serious changes and he can't handle the guilt and the stress? Greg has some fault lines of his own and he can't fix them alone
1. Chapter 1

To Hell and Back-Chapter 1

_Hi everyone! The basic idea of this story has been stewing in my mind effectively since I started writing fanfiction a few months ago but I've held off on writing it for a few reasons. First off, I was in the middle of the semester and knew I wouldn't have the time that I needed to devote to this one. Secondly, I really wanted to do Greg justice in this story; as I learned, he's incredibly hard to write and I guess that's why he doesn't have many fics, he needs some love though. I have an intense outline for this one (six pages, it took me four days to write) and I want to thank StarNobleMocha for letting me bounce some ideas off her. I don't own Flashpoint, though I can wish._

_**SPOILERS: **__(Direct, very spoilery spoilers) "Fault Lines," "One Wrong Move," "Jumping at Shadows," "You Think You Know Someone," and "Severed Ties."_

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><p><em> "Even heros crack..."<em> The words reverberated in Greg's ears as he paced through the gym glancing at the briefing room every few steps. He knew that Winnie was trying not to watch him from the Communications Desk but he was vastly out of character as he let his anxiousness come across. His team had undergone two of the most stressful years he'd had on the job only to have it topped off by a near interrogation of a psychological evaluation. His heart raced when he thought back through the day as he sat in on the evaluations and saw his team slowly cracking before his eyes.

_You idiot. What were you thinking bringing in an outsider? Of course this is going to happen, no one knows them like you do, no one understands them the way you could. _He berated himself as he walked towards the Communications Desk, his eyes seeing Winnie but barley noticing her. He turned and headed the other direction as another side of his dueling mind kicked in. _This was for the good of the team, there are lives at stake here every day and we need to be sure that we can deal with that. Only an outsider could be objective._

He continued to pace, to fight with himself and twist words to support whatever rationale he was leaning towards at the moment when another phone rang at the Communication's Desk and Winnie started talking into the receiver. He turned again and paced towards the locker rooms as he glanced at his watch for what seemed like the hundredth time. They said they would find him in half and hour, it had only been ten minutes. He dropped his wrist back to his side and turned on his heel walking towards Winnie again as she picked up another ringing phone. He dropped his gaze as he got closer to the desk but stopped abruptly when Winnie called him.

"Boss," It wasn't the word that got his attention and broke through his internal monologue, nor was it the fact that she was standing now; her tone of barely controlled panic made him stop dead in his tracks. _What else can happen today?_ He thought to himself as he looked up at her with a questioning expression. "Ed's been shot."

"Where is he?" His mind was going faster than he could keep up as he found purpose in his steps and walked quickly towards the door.

"St. Michaels, the subject's been neutralized." She called after him as he went through the doors. In the back of him mind he wondered what would happen when Hollaran and Toth came looking for him but at the moment he had more pressing worries. _Really? Today? And Eddie?_ The angry questions formed in his mind as he wondered about the universe and it's seeming hate of his team today. He wished that he'd stuck around to get some more information, only now wondering if Sophie knew why her husband was so delayed in getting to her; Greg himself wondered how Ed managed to get shot during the five minute drive from HQ to the hospital but he pushed the thought from his mind as he impatiently parked his car and jogged up to the emergency room.

"Ed Lane." He said simply as he got to the window and starred at the nurse. She looked startled by the sudden command and Greg internally reminded himself to stay calm but the stress of the day was mounting and he was getting tired of holding in his frustration.

"He's stable, he had a through and through gunshot wound to the left shoulder." She said hesitantly as she looked up towards Greg again.

"Can I see him?" He wasn't sure if Ed was already with his wife but he wanted to try and get a shot of talking to him, explaining again why he asked for an outside evaluation before the results of the re-qualify came through.

"Um...Constable Lane has asked that he not have visitors." The young girl said as she looked towards her computer. Greg was a bit taken aback. He knew that Ed was angry, he had some right to be, but not wanting to see him after just being shot...Greg wondered if he even asked for the SRU to be called or if the doctors just assumed to do so because of his uniform. He felt like he'd been punched in the stomach as he backed away from the desk.

"Thank you." Greg said dejectedly as he walked slowly back to his car. His mind was reeling again and, not for the first time during the long day, he questioned his decisions. He wasn't consciously aware that he was driving back to HQ, he was so stuck in his mind with the worries about the team rekindling, that he was surprised to find himself in his parking spot. He took a few deep breaths before getting out of his car and heading up the stairs. _Guess I've got to find Hollaran. _He thought as he made his way through the corridors towards the SRU's part of the building. He was surprised to see the silhouettes of Commander Hollaran and Dr. Toth standing near the Communications Desk through the brushed glass leading to the area that he considered a home. He took a breath to ground himself before going through the doors and walking right up to them.

"Sargent," Hollaran moved closer and faced Greg. "How's Ed?" Greg nodded.

"He's stable, through and through gunshot wound to his left shoulder." Greg recited simply.

"Apparently it was a case of road rage, we have Team Two out there now gathering some information. Did Ed give you any details?" Greg shook his head.

"I didn't actually talk to him." He tried to hide his sadness from the words but he was able to see Toth watching him closely. "I think he just wanted to let the Docs clear him so he could go be with Sophie." Hollaran nodded and looked towards Toth.

"Well, if you're up for it we'd really like to go over the results of your teams re-qualification." Greg nodded and followed towards the briefing room. Toth sat down at the head of the table, where Greg usually sat and Commander Hollaran sat on one side of him. Greg went around to the other side of the table and sat next to Toth in the same seat that each member of his team had sat during their evaluations.

"Physically, your team passed every test with flying colors." Hollaran said as he pulled a report out of a folder and handed it to Greg. He glanced at the individual times and breakdowns and wasn't surprised to see that they were all exceedingly high. "Shoot house, obstacle course, shooting range, close quarters combat, excellent scores all around both by overall team standards and individually." He continued to praise as Greg put the piece of paper on the table and nodded.

"They're all great at what they do." He said simply, knowing that the good news couldn't last forever. "I have a feeling there's a 'but' coming though." Commander Hollaran looked towards Toth for a moment before looking back to Greg.

"But...there were some red flags on the psychological evaluations." Greg held his tongue as he felt his expression turning to a grimace. He looked towards Toth.

"So, what are the recommendations?" He asked, stressing the 'recommendation' part of the sentence, hoping that Hollaran remembered that he had the final say.

"Dr. Toth and I spoke extensively about his findings and recommendations and there are going to be some changes." Greg looked at him with as emotionless a face as he could manage as he waited to hear what they would say. Hollaran looked down at the folder again and began speaking.

"Wordsworth will be put on vacation leave until he is medically cleared to return to duty." Greg shook his head slightly, knowing that Wordy would hate using the days off that he'd stored up but he also knew that even if Hollaran didn't force him to get a full check-up, he would have. Wordy's was one of the most surprising evaluations he'd seen; Wordy always seemed put together and one of the best functioning guys around. Greg knew that Wordy's gun scores weren't great but he was accurate enough to qualify and he was their entry man. He hadn't noticed the shaking...a chill ran through him as he wondered how he could have missed that and the sleep problems.

"Scarlatti will take a week leave in which he will start counseling. He'll need to be cleared before returning and he'll have monthly psychological evaluations." Hollaran paused and was about to move on to someone else when Greg interrupted.

"For how long?" He foresaw the question coming from Spike and wanted to have an answer for him. Hollaran looked towards Toth again who spoke for the first time since Greg had returned.

"As long as it's deemed necessary by the counselor and by Commander Hollaran." He said simply before adding. "I think we both know that's he has some serious survivor's guilt that needs to be dealt with, not to mention the fact that his family support structure has seemingly broken down and his father is ill; he's got to be under extreme stress and that is bound to seep into his work." As much as Greg didn't want to admit it, he knew that Toth was right. The idea that Spike was suffering for so long alone bothered him. All of the stresses he had in his family life piled on top of the guilt over Lew's death and again compounded by his mentor's death only a few weeks prior, Greg knew that he needed help. He'd tried to encourage Spike to talk to someone but he didn't realize how adamantly against the SRU his family was. After a long pause Hollaran continued.

"Callaghan will remain on Team One but she and I are going to meet before she begins active duty again and discuss some SRU policies. A report will also be put in her permanent file and any other misconduct will result in her dismissal." Hollaran made sure to stress the 'will' in his last sentence. Greg knew that Jules was getting off relatively lightly considering she could have been suspended from the SRU, he only hoped Sam would get a similar punishment.

"Braddock will be moved to Team Two, they need a sniper and they don't work the same shift as Team One." Teams One and Three usually worked the same shift and Team Two and Four usually worked the same shifts. "He'll also meet with me and have a report put in his permanent file." Greg nodded, knowing things could have been much worse for both of them but also knowing that they wouldn't be very happy with the arrangement.

"Lane didn't finish the evaluation-"

"Commander, I ask that you don't hold that against him. His wife was in labor," Greg almost laughed at the absurdity of the predicament and the stress that Ed must have been feeling. "there were some complications, the doctors said that the delivery would be risky..." Greg could have gone on but Hollaran raised his hand to stop him.

"I understand that." He nodded and paused. "I think that the circumstances need to be taken into account and when he's ready to come back, I'll talk to him." Greg nodded, glad that Ed had at least one less thing to worry about. He took a breath before looking from Toth to Hollaran.

"That all?" He asked, hoping that they had no other surprises.

"We haven't gotten to you yet, Sargent." Toth said softly as he looked towards Greg. He nodded and looked back towards Hollaran as he waited to hear what fate they'd decided for him. _All this...all this on your watch._ He thought as Hollaran began to speak.

"We're going to switch some things up; you're going to be Sargent on Team Three while Sargent Cray will take over Team One temporarily until I can reevaluate some things including your future ability to lead Team One." Greg held his expression steady, emotionless as he could considering how many things were going through his mind. He nodded and shook their hands before reluctantly signing off on the recommendations and changes.

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><p>For the record, this is NOT what I thinkhopes happens as a result of "Fault Lines." NOT WHAT I THINK! You'll see what I'm playing at but I need worst case scenario here. Please let me know what you think so far and please don't kill me yet. More to come soon.


	2. Chapter 2

To Hell and Back-Chapter 2

_Just a warning, when I said direct spoilers I meant very direct. There are going to be quotes from the episodes...at least as close to quotes that I can get. Also, and I think you being the smart readers you are, will pick up on this but italics are thoughts, italics and quotes are going to be thinking back to conversations. I think you'll figure it out, I don't have a whole lot of different options to play with so bare with me. I don't own Flashpoint and trust me, I hope things don't go this way when we get the new season._

_**SPOILERS: **__"Fault Lines," "One Wrong Move," "Jumping at Shadows," "You Think You Know Someone," and "Severed Ties."_

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><p>"This is Ed Lane, leave me a message and I'll get back to you when I can." Greg let out the breath he'd been holding as he waited for the answering machine to begin recording.<p>

"Eddie..." He paused for a moment to collect his thoughts. "I stopped by the hospital, they said that you didn't want visitors...please just call me back Ed. Let me know that you're okay and Sophie and the baby. Let me know if there's anything I can do to help...I'm sorry about today Eddie. Alright, call me back." Greg finished before he was cut off by the machine and leaned back on his couch. Though he'd really wanted to talk to Ed, that was probably the easiest of all the calls he'd had to make since he'd gotten home. He thought back as he closed his eyes and rubbed his temples, trying to take stock of the day and find something salvageable to cling to.

Sam had seemed to take the news relatively well but Greg knew that it was an act. They'd done a lot of work breaking Sam out of his solider mentality but Greg couldn't help but feel that he'd slipped back into the familiar role under the extreme personal stress he'd been under. The cordial responses he'd given Greg over the phone worried him but he realized that he had little recourse. At most, he'd probably be seeing Sam and the beginning and ends of his shifts and he knew that the over-politeness was compensating for anger.

Jules tried to be okay with the news. She was angry and anxious about the team being broken up and she felt especially guilty about Sam being moved but she tried to save face, even if only to seem stronger and less effected by the news. She tried not to blame Greg but he heard it in her voice that she felt he was responsible. She'd been with Greg's team since she'd started on the SRU and it was not an easy transition for her to think about.

Spike and Wordy were by far the hardest to break the news to. Greg hoped that Spike would talk to him, let him in to his life and his mind but instead, when Greg finished explaining the results of the evaluation and the changes, Spike hung up on him. He'd tried to call back again but it went straight to voicemail. He knew that Spike was angry and that it must have just felt like the world was crashing down around him, Greg was worried but he also knew that Spike wouldn't do anything reckless; he'd probably isolate himself and receded into his mind, but he wouldn't get himself hurt or in trouble. Wordy's pleas still rang in his ears.

_"Please Boss, this is all I know, please..." He whispered as he went into another room. _

_ "I'm sorry Wordy, it's out of my hands. All you need is a full medical, when they say you're cleared then you're back." _Greg purposely stayed optimistic but he knew that Wordy had seen through it. He hoped that the doctor would say it was nothing, too much coffee and too little sleep but something was telling him that they wouldn't get away that easily.

Greg turned on his television and flipped through the channels but couldn't find anything that would hold his attention. He tried to pick up the book he'd been working his way though but found his attention wandering again as he read the same sentence for a fifth time. He heard the conversation he'd had with Toth over again in his head, every word being engraved into his brain and branded permanently in his memory.

_"I needed an objective point of view, I needed fresh eyes on my people, I didn't need you to break them down." _

_ "You're instinct was right, there are fault lines running all through this team." _

_ "What you call fault lines, that's them being human._

_ "It's natural that you're feeling guilty and protective-" _

_ "We had a record number of high risk calls the past two years," _

_ "I know that your-"_

_ "SRU marksmanship is up 30 percent and higher than an other officers on the force to begin with-" _

_ "And it take five different fingers to form a fist, I'm not disputing that." _

_ "These guys chose each other, they've got each other's backs-"_

_ "You didn't bring in an outsider because you're worried about them...you brought in an outsider because you're worried about you. They need a Sargent, not a friend, not a father. But you know that, right?" _

He got up from his couch and went to the refrigerator quickly, trying to escape the memories and the day. He grabbed a cold water bottle and took a few sips before looking for something for dinner. He wasn't really hungry, he didn't really want to eat, or watch TV, or be alone, he wanted to do something. He scrolled through the list of contacts in his phone before putting it back in his pocket. _They don't want to talk to me, they don't want anything to do with me._ He grabbed a light coat and his keys before leaving the apartment and taking to the streets.

He considered going to the gym but he walked by his car, his feet seeming to have a mind of their own. _Guess it's a walk then._ He thought to himself as he let his feet direct him. He didn't pay much attention to where he was going, one foot in front of the other and he'd end up somewhere eventually. His mind wouldn't let him relax as it constantly reminded him off all the pain he'd caused in his lifetime.

It was only after fifteen minutes of walking that he realized he was on a familiar street, not one he'd ever wanted to come back to. He made a left and cut down an alley with the intention of avoiding his old path but he found a dead end and needed to backtrack. He found himself walking in his old steps, steps that he hadn't taken in nearly ten years as he stood in front the bar he used to frequent. Though he knew when he got on the street that he'd end up here, he still stood on the sidewalk shocked and staring in awe of how little it had changed. Mickeys, a small, dark bar on the corner of an off the beaten track street; it felt like he'd only been there yesterday but at the same time it felt like an eternity.

He stood outside on that curb staring at his reflection in the dark glass for what must have been an hour. When he turned his back on the bar it was getting dark and though he didn't feel an overwhelming sense of accomplishment in resisting the urge to go inside, he was happy with his decision. _First good thing I've done all day._ He thought to himself sarcastically as he continued down the street. He saw his shadow elongate in front of him as a car went slowly down the street and passed him. From a ways down the road he heard a teenager yell out.

"Car! Move the net!" Greg's attention perked a bit as he saw the car slow and shine his headlights on three teenage boys moving a hockey net to the side of the road. After the car passed they moved it back to the center and continued their game, skating in circles and laughing as they tried trick shots. Greg slowed his pace and watched them as he approached, focusing on one of the taller boys with dark hair. He had a natural grip on the stick as he quickly placed a slap-shot in the upper right hand corner of the goal.

"Nice shot Derek!" One of the other boys said loudly as he retrieved the ball from the net and took it out a few meters. Though Greg knew what he was looking at, he couldn't help but superimpose Dean's face on the boy and think about him playing sports with his friends. He shook his head as he picked up his pace and tried to outrun the thoughts and memories but failing to escape them.

_Why can't I keep anything together? I can't keep my family together, my friends, my team...I cause pain to everything I love..._He knew he wasn't being rational but that didn't help his mind from kicking into overdrive and cycling back through the guilt and the shame that had been just below the surface. He continued down the road and again his feet seemed to take over as he went into a store and came out carrying a case of whiskey and a pack of gum.

_You know that this isn't the answer. _He tried to remind himself. It almost felt as though he was trying to talk down a subject but his words didn't seem to penetrate any deeper into his brain. _Ten years...ten years you've been sober. Am I really willing to throw that away?_ It only took him a few more minutes to get back to his apartment where he quickly opened the door and locked it behind him. He placed the case down on the kitchen table and pulled up a chair, looking at it closely. He held the bottle in his hands, turned it over in his fingers as he saw the golden liquid swirl around inside. He placed it back on the table with a dull thud and resumed his staring. _Is this really what's it's come to?_

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><p><em>Is that a cruel ending? Sorry, you got two chapters in one night so you're going to have to live with the mini-cliffhanger for a little bit. Tell me what you think please. I don't drink so please let me know if I'm getting anything wrong or if you think I picked the wrong kind of liquor. I don't know, I figured that whiskey is hard so it worked but if I get suggestions I'll see about changing it in later chapters. Thanks for the read, more to come soon. <em>


	3. Chapter 3

To Hell and Back-Chapter 3

_I've already gotten a lot of reviews to this one, thanks so much! I should mention that I'm terrible, truly terrible, at making up names so I tend to borrow if someone's already established them. So, thank you Ace Bullets, I hope you don't mind but I borrowed a few of your names for the members of Team Three from the awesome story that everyone should read, "No Solution," and I added one or two of my names. On that note, I still don't own Flashpoint and I'm hoping to hear your feedback. _

_**SPOILERS: **__"Fault Lines," "One Wrong Move," "Jumping at Shadows," "You Think You Know Someone," and "Severed Ties."_

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><p>The halls of the SRU were quiet as Greg went through the glazed glass doors and quietly made his way past the briefing room. He glanced in and saw Team Two, now including the familiar face of Sam, hunched over their paperwork trying to finish up their reports before their shift ended. Sam sat a bit further off from the rest of the team and Greg hoped that they would pull him into their ranks and bond with him sooner rather than later. He continued down the hall passed the little used conference room and knocked on Commander Hollaran's door. It was cracked open slightly and Greg was surprised that he was in already before he saw that he still had his coat on.<p>

"Parker, have a seat." Hollaran motioned towards a chair opposite his desk in the cramped office. "I was just about to go talk to Braddock but I'll give you your new assignment first." He pulled a folder out of his drawer and looked through it for a minute. Greg almost forgot that Hollaran was going to talk to Sam and Jules, he had probably gotten in so early that way he could grab Sam at the end of his shift and Jules at the beginning of her's. He looked up and handed the folder to Greg. "Here you are." Greg took the folder and nodded.

"Thanks." He mumbled as he skimmed the files. "You're moving Donna from Team Three also?" He asked, curious about where she was going.

"Yes, considering how drastically reduced Team One's numbers are right now we're pulling some people from different teams. Sabine, Elroy, the rookie from Team Four, and Hendricks, the sniper Sam replaced on Team Two, are going to spend a little time on Team One." Greg looked at him with a bit of worry. "This is temporary." Hollaran assured him. "When Scarlatti and Wordsworth are cleared again we'll be moving Elroy and Sabine back to their teams. Have you heard from Ed?"

"No, I'm going to try and get in touch with him again later today." Greg said with a bit of a downtrodden look. Hollaran nodded.

"I'm going to contact him this morning. Once we know what's going on with him we'll reevaluate who's where." Hollaran assured.

"And Rolie is taking my spot?" He asked. He'd known Rolie for a long time, he'd been on Team One before he made Sargent and Greg knew that he would be good to the fractured team.

"Yes, Sargent Cray will temporarily lead Team One." Greg nodded.

"Thank you, sir." He said half-heartedly as he left the office and headed towards the locker rooms. He heard Hollaran walk into the briefing room and ask Sam to see him as he opened the door to the locker room and began slowly changing into his uniform. He usually got to HQ early and finished up paperwork or updated his files but he realized that there wasn't much for him to do now that he would be on the new team. He sat on the bench and started to lace up his boots as most of Team Two finished getting into the street clothes and began to file out of the locker room. Sam entered the locker room as the last man from Team Two was leaving and went directly to his locker, keeping his head down.

"Hey Sam, how you doing?" Greg asked as he turned and faced his back.

"Fine, sir. And yourself?" He glanced over his shoulder to look at Greg for a moment before pulling his shirt over his head. The noncommittal response and Sam's use of 'sir' didn't escape Greg but he tried not to think about it.

"I'm doing alright." Greg finished lacing up his left boot as Sam changed his pants and sat down to tie his sneakers. "How was the night shift?" Sam had to make transition from being on the Team One schedule to the Team Two times and that meant that the next week would be night shifts.

"Quiet." Sam said simply as he shrugged and got his bag from his locker. Greg saw the body language and the averted eyes knowing that Sam was angry but he still wanted to try and break through to him.

"This is only temporary Sam, I'm sure Hollaran told you that." Greg assured though he wasn't positive that this was one of the switches Hollaran was referring to, he would fight when the time came for more permanent changes.

"I know." Sam nodded as he checked his cell phone. "Ed said he should be back in a few weeks and Hollaran said he'd make his decisions after that." Sam said as he turned to leave the locker room. Greg got to his feet and moved followed Sam despite the fact that his right boot wasn't tied.

"Wait, you talked to Ed?" He asked hastily. Sam stopped and nodded.

"Yeah, briefly. He gave me a call last night before I got in." Sam stopped speaking but Greg still looked at him expectantly. "He's fine, Doctors say he'll need a little physical therapy but he'll be up a running soon. And Sophie's fine, she had a baby girl. She was a little on the small side but healthy." Sam finished and nodded as Greg looked at him in awe. "I guess I'll see you." Sam said as he walked out of the locker room and left Greg standing in the center, crestfallen.

He wasn't sure who to be more angry at, himself or Ed. Ed hadn't called, it was as simple as that. Greg had asked him to call, to let him know that everyone was alright but he didn't give him that peace of mind, he needed to hear it third hand after Sam let it slip. Part of him wished he could be angry at Ed but it was nothing more than a fleeting moment of frustration that lapsed back into his own self-blame and guilt. Greg didn't hold it against Ed for not calling him, he couldn't be sure that he wouldn't have reacted the same exact way if he'd felt so utterly betrayed by his best friend. He resolved himself to calling again later as he sat back down and began to lace up his other boot. The locker room door opened and Greg saw Rolie come through the darkened doorway.

"Sarge, how you doing?" He asked with a calm smile as he rotated the dial on his locker.

"I'm doing okay, Rolie." Greg said as he looked towards him and waited for him to turn around. "You know you don't have to call me Sarge anymore, we're equals." He reminded him again. Rolie was promoted right from Greg's team and he'd never really dropped the habit of calling him 'boss' and 'sarge.' It didn't help that he was one of the youngest Sargents on the SRU.

"I know, just a habit." He smiled again as he shrugged and threw his vest over his head.

"Has Commander Hollaran spoken to you?" Greg asked cautiously. He hoped that Hollaran had said something already and had informed Rolie about the circumstances. He nodded cautiously.

"He told me the official version and the official orders." He said mechanically. "But is there anything else I should know?" He asked knowingly. Greg thought for a moment before shaking his head.

"Not really. They're all just angry and anxious, the stress of the evaluation didn't help any of that." Rolie nodded as Greg spoke. "Just, go easy on them." He asked softly as some of the members of Team Three started to trickle into the locker room and greet them. Rolie motioned for Greg to follow him outside and they went and stood in one of the briefing rooms.

"Anything I should know?" Greg asked. He knew the names and strengths of each of the guys on Team Three and he'd worked with some of them personally when they needed an extra body or someone was sick but he'd never worked with the whole team for an extended period of time. Rolie shrugged.

"Nothing you won't be able to see in a few minutes." He smiled as he thought about his guys. "Hanson and Lee are solid, you can lean on them if you need." Greg matched the faces to the names and knew that Hanson was the Team Leader and Lee was the main tactical and entry person. "If you're going to pull Rose out of the truck, give him some warning if you can, he likes take a minute to transition and double check his guns." Greg nodded making a mental note to remember that not all of the 'techies' were as open to being outside the truck as Spike was. "Donna's moving to Team One for a little bit, right?" He asked as he went through the list in his head.

"Yeah, she'll be there until Spike and Wordy are cleared." Rolie nodded.

"Well then you've just got Drake and Robertson. Robertson's a solid guy, great with less lethal and entry but I swear, you give him a computer and he'll manage to break it." He smiled and laughed a bit. "Drake is good. Great marksmanship, finds his perch quick, he's a little eager but he's a rookie." Rolie finished with a shrug and nodded, trying to make sure he remembered all the tips as three of the men came in and sat down.

Though there hadn't been anything formally said to most of the officers the rumors had already spread and when Greg was in Team Three's briefing room they knew that the gossip was true. All the men were trained to profile and they knew that changes were coming. Rolie tried to seem relaxed as his team's sideways glances showed their anxiousness. They were trying to act as if it was a normal day but they already knew otherwise. Donna came into the room last and nodded to both men as she made extra eye contact with Rolie and Greg. Hollaran walked down the hall moments later with Jules following and Greg knew that Donna had already been briefed and Jules was about to receive her lecture.

"Alright guys, settle down and listen up." Rolie said as he stood and moved forward a bit. His men turned and listened immediately. Greg knew that Rolie ran things strictly, compensation for his age and relative inexperience at first, but he was also fair. "I know you guys have heard some rumors about changes; some of them are true, some of them aren't and I want you to remember that." He said firmly as he seemed to make eye contact with everyone at the same time. "There are going to be some temporary," He stressed the word again. "temporary changes while we wait on word for the rest of Team One's re-qualification." He motioned towards Donna. "Sabine and I will be moving to Team One for a little while and Sargent Parker," He motioned towards Greg who gave a warm smile and a nod. "will be taking over here for a bit."

There were some nods of understanding from the team but Greg could already see that they weren't nods of approval. They resented the fact that their team was being split because Team One had issues with re-qualification. It wasn't anything personal agains the team members, they realized that it was more a bureaucratic move than an individual choice, but Greg knew there was some animosity towards him. It was common knowledge now that he'd ordered the outside evaluation and in turn had put his own team and friends through hell. They were suspicious and anxious to have him around and Greg could sense it. Rolie was finishing up his briefing.

"I expect nothing but your best out there, whether I'm in command, Sargent Parker is in command, or if Hanson is giving you orders. I know you guys will be great." He finished the serious part of his speech and turned towards Greg. "Listen to this guy," He said with a smile. "he taught me everything I know about negotiation and he pretty much wrote the handbook. You'll learn a lot from him." Rolie nodded to Donna as they headed towards the door. "See you guys later." Greg took a breath and stepped up to the head of the table.

"Hey guys," He said with a smile in a soft tone. "I know this was kind of just sprung on you and I'm sorry that you're team is being affected by all the stuff going on and you didn't have any say." He paused and looked around, trying to find each of their eyes. "I know that it's frustrating and while I'm sorry you guys got pulled into this, I'm looking forward to working with you and hopefully learning some things." Greg smiled as he looked around and saw the men around the table relax slightly.

"We're not on active duty today, we're going to take the shift to do some drills and make sure that we're all on the same page. Sound good?" He asked to the group. There were some nods and some mumbles of approval.

"Okay." Greg looked around the table, still feeling a bit of animosity between the group and himself. "Anyone have any questions? About the day, my leadership style? Anything?" He wanted someone to talk, to reach out and start building that bridge, that bond. He didn't exactly know how he got so close to the members of Team One. He knew a lot of it had to do with each of their personalities meshing well with his but it felt like one moment they were colleagues and the next moment they were best of friends. It happened naturally and he wasn't sure he could duplicate that connection...he wasn't sure he wanted to or if it would be a good idea to do that considering how things turned out for his team.

"Well, I think you'll find Sargent Cray and I are pretty similar." Greg shrugged. "I've never been much a tactical thinker but from what I've been told, you guys are so we'll fill in each other's strengths and weaknesses." He paused again, hoping someone would say something. He looked towards Hanson, the Team Leader and saw him nod slowly in understanding.

"That sounds good Sargent, thank you." He said as he looked at Parker first and then addressed the team. He was a big guy, a bit rough looking with a five o'clock shadow and a healing bruise running down his face. "Maybe we could start with some entry drills, make sure our timing is on par with the way Ed does things." He suggested. Greg nodded.

"That sounds like a great place to start, meet out at the shoot house in five." He said as he dismissed them to gather the gear. He walked out of the room and felt himself letting out a deep breath. _This is going to be a long day._

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><p><em>These chapters are really long, I guess that's a good thing though. Please let me know what you think and thanks to everyone who has reviewed already, it's always fun to wake up and have 12 new e-mails between all the people adding me to their alert list and leaving me comments; I saw all the e-mails I had and got out of bed early this morning to answer them...it felt like Christmas morning!<em>


	4. Chapter 4

To Hell and Back-Chapter 4

_Have I mentioned that you guys are awesome? Seriously, thank you for reading this and for the awesome reviews so far. I was resistant to writing fanfiction for a long time but I didn't know how great and supportive all the people would be. Okay, enough of my ranting though. I might be pushing things a little here but suspend your disbelief and if you haven't see "You Think You Know Someone" in a long time, I'd recommend a little refresher. Please let me know what you think, especially after these next two chapters. I don't own Flashpoint. _

_**DIRECT SPOILERS: **__"Fault Lines," "One Wrong Move," "Jumping at Shadows," "You Think You Know Someone," "Severed Ties," and maybe "First in Line."_

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><p>His muscles ached from the long days of drills and training he'd been through as he walked into his apartment and sat down heavily on the couch. He put his feet up on the edge of the small coffee table and rubbed some of the stiffness in his thighs and knees. The week had, luckily, been quiet and Greg had spent most of his time doing drills and workouts with Team Three. He was in relatively good shape and it wasn't the first time he'd done drills but the week was just draining him. Though he was used to functioning on little sleep, the added stresses about the overall fate of Team One kept him awake.<p>

He had heard through the grapevine that Spike would be coming back to work in the morning. Apparently he had satisfied Hollaran and gotten himself scheduled with a psychologists, appointments once a week for the next three months. Greg had been trying to call Spike and Ed every night but neither of them picked up their phones. He knew that they were all talking to each other, at least alleviating part of his worry, but he was on the outs with everyone it seemed.

He forced himself to get up from the couch, stretching his legs and back as he turned and headed towards the kitchen. The bottle of whiskey still sat on the table in the same spot that he put it nights before, still unopened. He tore his gaze away from it and went into the refrigerator. There wasn't much 'real' food in the apartment; he knew he should have gone food shopping before he came home be he didn't have any desire to venture out of the house opened a drawer and found a few take-out menus as he unconsciously went to the kitchen table. He was about to pull out a chair when he saw the whiskey and decided to sit on the couch instead.

Part of him knew that he needed to get rid of the liquor, he was getting far too close to drinking it for his own comfort but something was keeping him from actually moving it. _I got sober for a reason. There are people that rely on me now and I can't let them down._ He tried to halfheartedly convince himself as a voice in the back of his mind reminded him that his friends and colleagues were, for the most part, avoiding him. He glanced through the menus, not particularly hungry but knowing that he needed to eat something. He heard his phone ringing in his pocket and felt his heart race for an instant as he thought about the possibility of it being Ed or Spike. He quickly calmed himself and fished his phone from his pocket. The name on the caller ID surprised him but it wasn't an unwelcome call.

"Haley, what's up? How you doing?" Greg asked as a smile came to his face. If anyone could ground him in reality and the reasons for him to stay sober, it would be Haley Brynne. Though he'd only seen her once since the incident at the Meth lab, she seemed to be doing okay. She had repressed the memory of killing her mother as a child and Greg tried to keep that fact from her as long as possible but it had come out despite his efforts. Haley's life had been tough but she'd come out the other side, though not without her share of problems.

"Greg..." Her voice was barely a whisper as he felt his heart pounding hard again. "I screwed up...really bad." She said softly, her voice quiet and shaky. Her cadence was slow, as if each word was a battle.

"Haley," Greg said strongly as he stood up and collected his coat and keys. "It's going to be okay, just tell me where you are." He had one arm in his sleeve when she completely dissolved into tears on the other end of the line. Greg suppressed his worry and tried to let his negotiator side kick in. "Take a deep breath for me, Haley." He tried to calm her down as he went into his kitchen and reached for his home phone.

"Greg...I relapsed..." She whispered again through tears. Greg nodded and took a breath before speaking.

"That's okay Haley, It happens. Tell me where you are and I'll pick you up, we can get some dinner..."

"No..." she started to cry again and it became more difficult to decipher her words. "No, I'm not doing this again. I'm not putting you through this again..." She cried a bit more as Greg quietly picked up his home phone and dialed the SRU.

"Sidney," He covered the mouthpiece on his cell phone and spoke to the dispatcher. "It's Parker, get a trace on my cell phone now." He said firmly before redirecting his attention to his cell.

"Haley, Haley take another deep breath." He said as he heard her calm down a bit. "I know that this seems like a big uphill battle and I know that you're tired of fighting sometimes but you've got to press on." He spoke passionately as Sidney's voice came over his home phone.

"It's a cell, I'm pinpointing it now Boss, another minute or two."

"You've come so far Haley, you've done so much with your life and there's so much more for you to do. Let me help you." He finished strongly, not letting the panic he was feeling slip through into his tone.

"No, no more fighting. I'm done Greg." She said slowly, her speech a bit slurred. "I've had so many second chances that I don't deserve. No more fighting..." Greg squinted a bit as he heard he flat tone and felt his breath hitch in his throat for an instant.

"What are you saying, Haley?" He asked hesitantly.

"I'm not going to fight anymore, Greg. I killed my own mother, I got you kidnapped, you nearly died...you didn't do anything except try and help me."

"Haley, you're not thinking clearly right now, it's the drugs that are making you think this way, this isn't you." He tried to stress as he spoke calmly. "You're thinking about a permanent solution here. Tell me where you are, let me help you."

"No, don't you get it? There's no more help for me, it's done..."

"What do you mean 'done,' Haley?" He asked, a bit more urgency in his voice.

"I've got it narrowed down to a five block radius, Boss." Sidney said urgently. "Caller's in the warehouse district. You want me to send Team Two?"

"Affirmative, I'll meet them." Greg said as he hung up the home phone and jogged out to his car.

"I'm really tired, Greg..." She said slowly.

"Haley, stay awake for me." Greg said firmly. "Talk to me Haley, what did you do?" He said as he drove quickly through the oddly empty streets.

"I cut my wrists..." She said softly. It took all Greg had not to let the tears come.

"You need to find a way to apply pressure to them Haley, you need to tie them off tightly." He tried to give her instructions but he could tell that she wasn't listening.

"I'm sorry, Greg...for everything."

"Haley, you have nothing to be sorry for." He said strongly, nearly yelling into his phone as he swerved to avoid another car. "I'm on my way Haley, just hang on for me, hang on." He nearly begged.

"Thank you for everything Greg. Thank you so much." She said slowly, her speech further slurred by the drugs and the blood loss. He gripped the steering wheel tightly as he spoke into the phone.

"No Haley, everything's going to be okay, you've just got to hang on. You hear me Haley?" He didn't hear an answer as some static came onto the line. "Haley?" He paused again as he pressed the gas closer to the floor. "Haley!"

He continued to speak into the phone for the two minutes that it took him to find the flashing blue and red lights of the SRU trucks, not allowing himself to lose hope. He jumped out of his car when he got close and he should have known it when he saw Team Two exiting the building but he still spoke into the phone, still tried to get passed them. Some of the members of Team Two seemed to be talking to him but he ran passed and was just within the doorway of the building when Sam stood in his way. His lips were moving but Greg didn't listen to the words.

"Where is she? Haley?" He continued to yell, partially into the room, partially into the cell phone. Sam now had a firm grip on Greg's shoulders and was pushing him backwards.

"Sarge..." He said gently as he tried to lead him back out the door.

"Let go, Sam." He said firmly as Sam shook his head sadly.

"You don't need to see, Sarge. Come on, you don't want to see." Sam tried to explain, tried to push Greg back, his protests growing weaker as the tears came to his eyes.

"No..." He mumbled, no one seeming to understand how important this was. "No..." Sam was using all of his strength to push Greg back, wondering how long he'd be able to hold him back. He squeezed his shoulders and looked directly at him.

"Sarge." He said loudly as Greg looked in his eyes. Sam shook his head without breaking eyes contact. "You don't need to remember her like that." Greg stopped fighting, he seemed not to know what to do. Sam cautiously let go of his shoulders and stood next to him before patting Greg's back and leaving his hand there, leading him out of the building.

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><p><em>So I'm kind go making some assumptions here and I might have taken Haley's story a little far but I needed it...you'll see in the next chapter. Might be up tonight but more likely tomorrow. Let me know what you think.<em>


	5. Chapter 5

To Hell and Back-Chapter 5

_I'm freaking out, I'm not sure if that last chapter worked or if it was too much poetic license or if you guys hate me now (I wouldn't blame you after that one) but once and idea is in my head, it has to be written or else it'll eat at me. I played around with a lot of options before I settled on that one and trust me, some of the other ones I was planning would have been worse. I've never been a huge huge stickler for keeping true to cannon, I usually try but extreme circumstances call for extreme measures. The rest of this story wouldn't have been realistic if something huge didn't happen...Okay, there's my defense, go ahead and Scorpio me, I kinda deserve it. I obviously don't own Flashpoint, I'm far too cynical and conniving. _

_**DIRECT SPOILERS: **__"Fault Lines," "One Wrong Move," "Jumping at Shadows," "You Think You Know Someone," "Severed Ties," and maybe "First in Line."_

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><p>There were so many emotions going through his body. His mind wasn't the only thing affected by the contradicting feelings, the emotions even he couldn't label; it was in his blood, circulating through his body, pumping through his heart and penetrating every muscle and cell. Sam had held his position strong, he didn't let Greg see her body and he insisted that Greg go home after he'd spoken to the detectives. Though Greg was hesitant, Sam's persistence eventually paid off and Greg reluctantly left the scene and found his way back to his apartment, not knowing where else to go.<p>

He didn't know whether he was numb or if he had so many emotions compounding on top of each other that he just couldn't allow himself to focus on any one of them...he was leaning towards the latter. His body ached worse than ever as the pains of age combined with the soreness from the week's drills and the tension of holding back so much frustration and stress and emotion.. His head pounded, it was like his brain was trying to force itself through his skull and out his forehead as he moved, first to a cabinet, then to the kitchen table. He acted without thinking because thinking only caused him more pain, physical and mental.

The bottle was heavy in his hands but not so much that he had to strain himself to hold it just off the table, it felt right. He cracked the seal quickly and poured himself a shot of the dark amber liquid, watching it swirl in the glass as he continued to add to it. He placed the bottle down and stared at the shot as if it was either some great piece of art or some fascinating entrapment of hell. _Is this really a road I want to go down again?_

He kept his eyes fixed on the whiskey before him as he tried to find something redeeming about his life at the moment. All his thoughts kept coming back to Haley and how she was the reason he'd originally gotten sober, even if just for a week at that time. It was definitely her attitude and her bravery that pulled him back from the edge but she also offered him something to cling to. He closed his eyes but couldn't shake her image. Her face seemed to be engraved into his eyelids and no matter how hard Greg tried to think of something else, he couldn't get his mind from her face.

_"I didn't keep you together, you kept me together." _Greg thought back to the Meth lab and his confessions to Haley. _"I know what it's like to want to hide, I know what it's like to want to make yourself feel numb, and that night that I found Haley under that bed, I was a mess. The stuff you see as a cop, on the job, makes you wanna make some bad choices and mine was the bottle. That night after everything, I hit that bottle harder than I ever had before. And when I woke up...my family was gone. My wife was gone, she took my son, he was six years old, I haven't seen him since." Greg felt the sweat roll down his neck as he knew that this wasn't going to end well. _

_ "So? Is that her fault? Is that what you're saying?"_

_ "No, no that's my fault, that's my fault. So, I took a leave form the job, holed up at home with a case of vodka and a promise: either I finish these bottles of they finish me. And then I got this letter, out of nowhere, in kid's handwriting. 'Hi Detective Parker, it's me, Haley, and I wanted to say thank you for helping me.' And she was scared but she was going to be brave. An eight year old girl...took me three days to sober up and that's when I worte you back. Everything I did for you, you did for me."_

Tears came to Greg's eyes as he made his decision and picked up the shot. He was able to smell the rustic scent of the dark liquid and licked his lips before tilting his head backwards and letting the whiskey burn his throat. It wasn't an unpleasant burn, some hard liquors didn't have a good taste to them, they were there only to be consumed quickly and to get drunk as quickly as possible. Whiskey though, that had character. The burn spread from Greg's tongue and throat to his jaw and his shoulders. He felt a blush moving up his face as he fully embraced the cathartic liquid, the comfort it gave him in it's warm embrace. He sat back in his chair and closed his eyes, taking a few deep breaths. He felt the uncontrollable emotion coursing through his veins being replaced by something else. He could easily mistake that 'something else' as calm but he knew better, it was the beginnings of the numbness he so desired.

He started to pour himself another glass as a small voice in the back of his head kicked in. _You lost your family because of this. You almost lost it all._ He only paused for an instant before topping off the glass. _Yeah, well I lost my team and I lost Haley while I was sober. If I can't win either way I'd rather be drunk while I lose it all. _He took another shot, and then another and he continued to pour and drink until he felt his eyelids growing heavy.

He didn't know exactly how much he'd had. He remembered nights from years ago where he'd downed at least twice what he did tonight but it had been a long time and the alcohol was taking its physical effect. He felt the room spin and his headache had finally subsided as he felt a slight pang of nausea in the back of his throat. He quickly took another shot and swallowed it down as he looked at his watch. He had to focus on it for a second in order to see it clearly and realize how late it was. _Shit. _He thought as he tried to count how many hours he had until he had to wake up. _Too few. _He thought as he put the top back on the bottle and got up slowly.

It took him a moment to balance and set a course to his bedroom but he somehow got there. Luckily the alarm was already set for the time he had to get up because he doubted he'd be able to get the settings correct. He plopped himself down on the bed and closed his eyes, happy to see absolutely nothing but abstract splotches of color dancing across his eyelids.

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><p><em>I think I already said this but I don't drink so please feel free to correct any details on that end. I spent a good half hour basically interrogating my friend about the color and taste of whiskey (he loves it), so I hope I did it some justice. There are some ideas that I was trying to get at, some parallels that I was trying to highlight but I tend to give the reader too much, so I'm leaving it to you guys, tell me if you hate it. I know this chapter was kind of short comparatively but there was only so much I could do, I'm more dialogue driven and I'm pretty sure the next chapter will be a long one. It'll be up soon. <em>


	6. Chapter 6

To Hell and Back-Chapter 6

_Thanks for all the reads and reviews so far. You know that saying that things get worse before they get better...keep that in mind. If you've read my other stories you know that I tend to really put these guys through hell but I always redeem it somehow, it just takes a while. This one is outlined to be 20 chapters and I usually end up having one or two more chapters than my outline so things are going to unfold slowly, but they'll unfold. That said, I don't own Flashpoint. I think you know by now that there are going to be spoilers, I'll warn before any more direct ones but I'm not putting the disclaimer again._

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><p>He tried to hide under his pillow form the blaring alarm clock, slow to react to the harsh sounds. Greg kept his head under the pillow as he reached his arm out and tried to turn off his alarm, failing a few times before finally getting the right button. He peeked his head out from under the pillow for an instant before quickly digging his face back into the darkness as the morning light peeked through the curtains. He took a few deep breaths and tried to will the headache away but made little progress. <em>Come on, gotta get up now.<em> He tried to will himself as he squinted his eyes and sat up in bed with his back to the windows. _Oh shit._ Not only did the headache worsen as he sat up but he was overcome by dizziness and a hint of nausea. He sat on the edge of the bed and tried to breath through the worst of the discomfort before forcing himself to get up.

He clumsily made his way over to the small bathroom with his eyes practically closed as he reached for the bottle of aspirin in his medicine cabinet. The sound of the pills moving in the bottle felt like gunshots directly to his temples as he poured out a handful. He briefly considered taking all of the pills that he'd poured out of the bottle, about twelve but he decided that four would probably be a safer number. He swallowed them dry before going to the kitchen and grabbing two water bottles, drinking them both quickly. He opened his eyes enough to look at his watch, still on his wrist from the night before. _Damn, got to get moving._ He thought as he went back into the bedroom and grabbed the first clothes he could find.

The thought of taking a shot crossed his mind and seemed extremely appealing. Hair of the dog, it always used to work wonders but not when he had to be at work in an hour. _Guess a cold shower will do. _He thought as he bit his lip and turned on the water, the sound reverberating in the bathroom and seemingly cutting into his skull. He threw his face under the stream, and quickly tried to wake himself up. He knew that he'd have a hangover but he didn't think it would be this bad. _I've had way more than that before._ He remembered as he turned off the water and quickly got changed. He looked at himself in the mirror and though he didn't look like himself, he'd be able to pass for being a little sick. Before leaving his apartment he scoured his cabinets for a pack of gum. He'd brushed his teeth twice as long as usual and he'd used extra mouthwash but the gum just added a little extra comfort. He found the package of strong winter-mint and popped a piece in his mouth as he left the apartment.

The drive into HQ had been painful but Greg felt more alert as he left his car, sunglasses still on, and went into the SRU wings. He knew that a report had been filed about Haley and that Sidney had probably submitted the transcripts of the conversation he'd had with Greg and by now, word had traveled. Most people wouldn't know about how he was tied to Haley or the significance of her death to him but Team One had responded to his kidnapping, had met her, and at least knew that they were close. He waved towards a couple of members of Team Three that were working out in the gym as he went towards the locker rooms. Just as he was about to leave the main atrium of the SRU and head to the locker rooms, Jules approached him.

"Hey Sarge," She stopped close to him and looked at him with a sympathetic face. "Sam called me last night. I'm really sorry about Haley." She spoke softly as he took off his sunglasses and nodded. Of all the members on Team One, Jules had probably taken the news of the evaluations best. She had been frustrated and Greg knew that she worried about everyone but she also understood the necessity of objectivity. Being the second negotiator, she knew the things that could got wrong if people didn't have their emotions in check.

"Thanks, Jules." His eyes were bloodshot and he looked pale but Jules figured that it had been a tough night for him.

"If you want to talk..." He nodded even though he knew that he wouldn't be taking her up on the offer. It wasn't anything personal, but at the same time it was. Jules was a great cop and a great negotiator, meaning that she could listen and she could understand but she would always be Jules in his eyes. She would always be someone that he hired, someone that he felt responsible for and had to protect. He couldn't tell her what he'd done, the line he'd crossed. Just as he was about to ask her how Team One was functioning, the doors of the SRU opened and they both saw a familiar face walk through.

Spike smiled as he greeted Winnie at the Communications Desk. He looked exhausted despite the fact that he'd been off for almost a full week and when he saw Greg he quickly averted his eyes. Greg lowered his gaze and looked at the ground as Jules patted his arm and smiled at him. He took a breath as Spike walked passed and offered a nod as he headed towards Commander Hollaran's office.

"Um, I've got to change, I'll see you later Jules." Greg said as he headed off to the locker rooms before she could respond. His headache wasn't as bad in the dim light and quiet of the locker room. He was still a little dizzy and nauseous but he took a few long sips of his water bottle to try and rehydrate his body, hoping it would kick in before any drills. He started to change quickly as the door to the locker room opened. Spike stopped short when he saw Greg but regained his step in an instant and headed towards his locker.

"Morning." He said shortly as he opened his lock and started to change. Greg put his vest over his head and started to fasten the sides.

"I've been trying to get in touch with you." Greg said in a conversational tone. "How you doing?" Even though Spike's back was turned, Greg could see him trying to control his anger.

"Oh, I'm just peachy." Spike said bitterly as he buttoned his shirt. Greg grabbed his hat out of his locker as he turned and tried to find Spike's eyes.

"I know you're angry with me Spike-"

"Is it that obvious?" Spike blurted out sarcastically as he turned and looked at Greg. He'd seen Spike through a lot of pain but the look on his face was almost worse than the grief he'd seen after Lew's death. Spike looked like he'd been betrayed and Greg understood the sentiment; he'd betrayed them all when he didn't object more to the tough psych evaluations, when he let an outsider come in, but even more so when he let himself lose objectivity. He thought he was doing a good thing but really, he was ignoring the problems and letting them amplify instead of seeing them and addressing them when they were manageable. Spike was nodding now, his face still angry but his tone more controlled.

"Yeah, I'm angry...about a lot of things and I know that you're gonna want to talk about it but you know what, Sarge?" He asked heatedly as he shrugged. "I'm not ready to talk about it and I'm not ready to forgive you." Spike turned and slammed his locker, the noise piercing Greg's eardrums but he didn't flinch. Spike stormed out of the locker room and Greg closed his eyes, trying to ground himself after the verbal berating. He took a few deep breaths as he tried to get the thought of whiskey from his mind. _At least he talked to you._ He thought as he tried to consider it a positive step. He glanced at his watch and saw that he should have briefing the team about two minutes ago but he stayed put, making sure that he was okay before leaving the locker room.

Team Three was was laughing when Greg walked into the room and it seemed to be at the expense of Bobby Drake as a deep blush rose in his checks. As soon as they saw Greg walk in they grew silent. Greg smiled at them, he didn't know how to make it clear that they were allowed to laugh and have a good time and that the team dynamic was more than just how they entered a building. He sighed as he laid out his papers and looked at them.

"Sorry I'm a little late guys," He said as he glanced up and saw them watching him carefully. "I wasn't feeling too well this morning but I think it's passing." He explained as his adrenaline began to pump. _And again the lies begin._ He sat down in his chair and, though it was masked well, he could tell that they were anxious about something. "Everything okay?" He asked with a bit of concern. "You guys look nervous...Did you break a treadmill or something?" Greg tried to lighten the mood and saw a couple of the guys smile as they looked among each other, hoping someone else would speak. Eventually all eyes rested on Hanson as he nodded.

"Well, we just ah..." He started but shook his head as he ran his fingers through his short cropped hair. "A couple of us got in early and Team Two was leaving." He glanced back at the team for a moment before looking at Greg. "They ah...they told us about your friend." He paused for a minute as Greg nodded and took a breath. "We just wanted to say that we were really sorry for your loss and that if you need anything just let us know." Hanson was obviously uncomfortable with the mini-speech but Greg found the sentiment.

"Thank you guys." He said sincerely before pausing for a moment and looking down at his hands. He was wishing he'd called in sick today but he looked up and nodded. "I really appreciate it." He took a deep breath and tried to get the desire for the whiskey out of his mind again as he refocused. "How about patrols this morning?" He asked as he tried to think about the upcoming day. "After lunch we're going to run some joint drills with Team One if neither of us get a call." He explained as they all nodded.

"Who's going to be the subject team?" Drake asked excitedly.

"We'll flip for it after lunch." Greg smiled at their enthusiasm and put his hands on the table. "Alright, meet at the trucks in ten. Let's keep the peace." He said as he dismissed them. As each of the guys walked by they patted his back and shoulder, offering their support. He was touched by the sentiment but had so much on his mind that it was only a small glimmer of light against the ever growing shadow of pain and frustration that Greg felt beginning to suffocate him.

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><p><em>Alright, more to come soon and don't worry, I'm not done with Spike yet. Thanks for all the reviews, please let me know what you think, particularly about the hangover; let me know if you think I'm getting it right. <em>


	7. Chapter 7

To Hell and Back-Chapter 7

_For the record, I've written 17 Flashpoint stories and I just realized that I've been spelling 'Sergeant' wrong; apparently I was referencing a World War I era painter. Now that I know I'll try to spell it right but no guarantees. Okay, you know that I don't own Flashpoint and you know that there are going to be overarching spoilers, right?_

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><p>The morning's patrol had been quiet. Different pairs ended up breaking up some fights, responding to a domestic dispute, and there was one thwarted robbery attempt but nothing that the team couldn't handle. They met back at HQ for lunch and they ate with Team One. Greg felt paranoid and disconnected from everyone as he sat at the end of the large table in the break room near Rolie. He'd tried talking to Greg but was surprised by his uncharacteristic short answers. He was tired and now that the hangover was wearing off he was fully understanding what he did last night. <em>Ten years down the drain...ten years and all I can think about is when I can get my next drink.<em> He thought bitterly. He looked towards Jules and Spike but he knew that Spike didn't want him around right now. The look on Spike's face had changed since this morning, he looked more ashamed or embarrassed than he did angry.

"Alright listen up everyone." Rolie called for everyone's attention as he stood and Greg followed his lead. "We're going to be spending the rest of the shift doing some joint drills. We'll practice a two team entry from different sides of a structure, we'll do some coordinated search patterns, and we're going to end it out with a little 'friendly' competition." He said with a smile as he dug through his pockets.

"To keep things fair, we're going to toss a coin to see which team will be the subject team." He said as he passed the coin to Greg. "In all fairness, you can do the flip Sa-" Rolie almost called him 'Sarge' but caught himself. "Greg." He took the coin and nodded.

"Call it in the air." He said as he flipped it high.

"Heads." Rolie called confidently as Greg caught the coin and flipped it over on the back of his hands.

"Tails!" Drake called out as he watched carefully and punched at the air.

"Looks like you guys are the subject team." Greg said with a smile to Rolie.

"Anyone who gets shot does the cleaning for the shift?" Rolie asked as Greg nodded in agreement. "Alright, you guys finish up lunch, gear up and meet out at the shoot house." Rolie said as he and Greg packed up their lunches and started to leave the room.

"We're going to get you guys this time around." Drake said confidently to Jules and Spike.

"Easy does it Drake," Greg warned. "We're doing joint drills first, meaning working together." He reminded. There was some laughter as everyone finished up their lunches and headed different directions to gather gear and get ready for the drills.

It was a sunny day but the air was cool and a slight breeze swept across the field. Greg walked out to the shoot house ahead of everyone else. He'd gathered as much gear as he could carry and made sure he had his sunglasses. The nausea and dizziness from the hangover had passed but there was still a slight pang of a headache behind his eyes. He set his gear down about twenty five meters from the old, warehouse-like building they'd used for training. He took a few deep breaths and tried to clear his head. He'd felt on edge all morning between his conversation with Spike and the fact that he was hungover. Part of him was surprised that no one had noticed but then again, he wouldn't expect them to. No one in the SRU had ever seen Greg hungover or drunk except for Ed. While he didn't keep his past a secret, he doubted that Team Three knew much about it and he knew that Jules wouldn't have jumped to that conclusion.

The teams came outside together and they set themselves up for the different tactical entries they were practicing. It took a few tries and fine tuning to get themselves in unison before they moved on to the sweep drills in the wooded area beside the shoot house. Both teams seemed to be anxiously waiting to do their competition.

"Okay, you guys have done good." Rolie said as both teams gathered near the gear. "Let's get prepped for the tactical entry and sweep." They all switched their gear to the training flash bangs and the paintball guns as Team One and Team Three polarized on opposite sides next to their Sergeants. Greg and Rolie held up their wrists and compared the time on their watches, Rolie setting his a few seconds faster to match Greg's time.

"We all know the rules," Rolie said as he looked at all of them. "If you're hit, you're out. Close quarters is limited to knock downs, no knock outs. Three minutes for Team Three to neutralize all six of Team One. Five minutes for Team One to get in position and Team Three to put together a tactical plan starting..." He and Greg looked at their watches. "Now." Team One ran towards the building and Greg turned towards his team, looking to Hanson.

"Okay, I like what you guys did for your re-qualify," Hanson looked towards Greg. Team Three had been the subject team on the day of Team One's re-qualification and though it was close for a minute, Team One was overall very successful with their slightly unorthodox strategy. "So we're going to do three teams." He looked at his men and started to delegate tasks. "Lee and Drake, you're alpha team. Go high and clear the third floor."

"Go in with roof access or through the windows?" Drake asked as he used binoculars to try and see into the darkened rooms.

"Use the windows, if they have time they'll lock the roof access and you'll either have to waste time to break it open or backtrack." Greg said, remembering the day that Ed put the lock on the access without telling the team, he wanted to see how the adapted when their plans didn't turn out the way they'd intended.

"Rose and Robertson, beta team. Take the back door. Go in with flash bangs and gas, make a lot of noise but don't get yourselves shot." He said with a slight smile. "Sergeant, you and I are going to be charlie team. We'll take the front, back up beta team and then the clear the second floor." Everyone nodded and started to run off in their different directions. Greg's head was starting to pound again but he pushed the pain to the back of his mind and focused on his team. He and Hanson threw flash bangs into the first and second floor windows to provide some cover for Lee and Drake who began their climb at the sound of the signal that the time was up.

"Charlie team approaching green wall door. Beta team, breach in three...two...one." Greg and Hanson stepped up to the front door and kicked it in as they heard Robertson do the same on the other side of the building. They heard the paint ball guns going off and heard over the radio that two subjects had been neutralized on the first floor.

"Beta team, sweep the first floor. Charlie team, moving to the second floor." Greg said as he followed Hanson towards the stairs. "Alpha team, where are you?"

"Forty seconds from entry." He heard Drake's voice come over the radio as he climbed. Hanson motioned for Greg to throw another flash bang up the stairs as he counted off on his fingers, not wanted to alert anyone to their intentions. On the count, Greg threw the grenade and he and Hanson ran up the stairs, each taking a side and trying to cover each other. Greg saw a flash of movement and recognized it as Rolie before firing off one round and splattering pink paint on the front of his vest.

"One subject neutralized." He reported as he searched around a bend and covered Hanson. They inched down a long hallway slowly, checking each room as they moved. They were about halfway down when Donna popped her head out from one of the rooms and fired off a few rounds to hold them back. Greg and Hanson dove into separate rooms and peeked their heads out to try and get an angle on her.

"What do you have Sergeant?" Hanson asked quickly into the radio.

"I think I'll have an angle if she fires again." He responded as he tried to set up his shot.

"Okay, I'm going to throw gas, you get ready to take it." He said as he undid the pin on one of the canisters. He bounced it down the hallway and they waited a few seconds. Normally subjects would get out of a room as quickly as possible when gas was deployed but Donna had been exposed to it before and had built up a tolerance. It took another canister to get her to give up her position and for Greg to get his shot.

"One subject neutralized." He said as he and Hanson finished clearing the second floor.

"What the hell?" He heard Drake over the radio as Hanson held up his fist to hold.

"What Drake?" He asked cautiously.

"I've been hit!" He said frustrated. "I don't even know where it came from." Hanson shook his head.

"You're out, get out of the building." He said firmly. "Lee, we're coming for support, watch your back." Hanson said as they started to move again.

"Who's left?" Greg asked the downstairs team who was tasked with watching the stairs and taking stock of the 'subjects.'

"Jules and Spike." Rose answered as Greg tried to stop himself from smiling proudly.

"Damn it!" They heard Lee over the radio. "I've been hit." He said, also frustrated. "Where the hell are they? I didn't even see a muzzle flash!" He said perplexed as they passed him on the stairs.

"How you wanna do this?" Hanson asked as they found a covered spot just before the top of the stairs.

"I've got a feeling." Greg said as he thought about Jules and Spike. "Watch the windows." Hanson's face turned into a question as he looked at Greg curiously.

"One minute!" Robertson counted them down over the radio.

"Trust me, you take green and white wall windows, I'll take black and red walls." Hanson nodded as they took their stances and snuck through the room to the windows. Greg heard Hanson approaching the windows and then over the radio he heard.

"Gotcha! Spike neutralized!" Greg continued to carefully walk over to the window on the black wall. He was a few meters away when he saw Jules swing into the frame, her paintball gun ready to fire but Greg was an instant ahead of her and the red pain splattered the front of her vest.

"Jules neutralized." He said as he checked his watch. "Seven seconds to spare." He said as he went over to the window and helped Jules into the room as she detached her repelling gear. Hanson had done the same with Spike and they were both approaching Greg and Jules.

"That was great positioning but risky." Hanson said, obviously impressed. It seemed that after all of the entry teams had gone in the first level, they'd set up repelling gear on the roof and waited for Drake and Lee to get into the building before swinging by and shooting them.

"How'd you know?" Jules asked, impressed that they found them but a little disappointed that her grand plan had failed. Greg smiled and looked towards them both. Though Spike wasn't making eye contact with him, it at least seemed like he'd had a bit of fun doing the drill.

"You and Spike, two of the best repellers I've ever seen? It wasn't that hard to figure it out when you kept picking people off and they swore they never saw you." Greg smiled as he patted them both on the back and they headed downstairs and met up with the rest of the group outside the shoot house.

"Okay, that was a great job all around everyone." Rolie said as the rest of his team joined him. "Drake, Lee, you guys didn't stand a chance with these two basically appearing out of the sky to shoot you." He joked as he gave Spike and Jules high fives.

"And Donna, you held out until the second canister of the CS gas, that was seriously impressive." Greg said as he nodded towards her. Rolie's cell phone rang as he stepped away to answer it. "Great job to everyone." Greg finished as he looked around him. "So, the deal was if you were shot you were on clean up. If you don't have paint on you, have a nice night." He said as most of Team Three cheered and gave Team One high fives before leaving. Rolie came back to the group of 'shot' and Greg, who'd stuck around to find out about the call.

"Hollaran needs to see me." Rolie said shortly. He didn't look very excited and he was trying not to look at Greg. "I'll help you guys get the stuff in, he offered as he looked at his watch."

"No, Rolie, you go talk to the Commander. I'll help out here." Greg said as he stepped up and started to take one of the backpacks with extra ropes and climbing gear.

"Thanks, Greg. I owe you another one." He said with a smile as he jogged off towards the building. They packed everything up quickly as Drake and Lee still tried to figure out how Spike and Jules had managed to get them without being seen. Greg smiled as Drake tried to convince them it was impossible.

"If it was impossible then you wouldn't be shot right now." Spike said with a laugh as he tried to point out the absurdity of his argument. Things quieted down as Drake took his loss and cleaned his assigned guns before stowing them away. Donna had tried to start conversation among them but they quickly died out. Greg was itching to get home and get a drink. Though he'd had fun and he was pretty happy with the way his day had turned out, the silence that he was now getting from Spike only served as a reminder that things were not okay. They finished their cleaning quickly and went to their locker rooms, everyone changing quickly and wanting to go home. Team Two was trickling as Greg finished up changing.

He looked towards Spike and considered trying to talk to him but he shook his head. _Give him a day to cool off._ For the first time in a while he stood and questioned himself though. _Is that what's really best here or do I just want to get home and get a drink? _He asked himself bitterly. He thought about the answer to the question but couldn't find one, not sure which yearning was stronger, the hope of reconciliation or the desire for a release. Sam walked in to the locker room and gave Greg a sad smile; he'd said all he could say the night prior and had no desire to bring it up again. He approached Greg and squeezed his shoulder before going towards his locker and stopping short, seeing Spike for the first time.

"Spike!" He nearly yelled as he walked over, a smile on his face. They shook hands and pulled each other into a modified 'man-hug,' as Greg saw Spike smiling. He let out a breath he'd apparently been holding. He closed his locker and left the locker room without saying anything, not wanting to interrupt their catching up.

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><p><em>Another night another chapter. Tell me what you think of the tactical stuff, I usually have some trouble with that so I hope it came out okay. Don't worry, still not done with Spike. On a side note, if you're on facebook, make sure you're following "Flashpoint Team One." It's a page run directly by the producers so there's a ton of information and behind the scenes pictures, there are discussion boards with fellow Flashpoint-addicts, and there are some pretty awesome give aways. We're trying to get to 3,000 likes, so help us out and please review this! Thanks, you guys are awesome!<em>


	8. Chapter 8

To Hell and Back-Chapter 8

_I know this is moving a little slowly but I'm glad that you guys understand and that you're liking this. If I haven't heard from you yet, I'd really like to. Not done with Spike yet and I know that you're waiting for Ed, he'll be back soonish. Alrighty, as you know, I don't own Flashpoint._

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><p>Greg walked the hallways of his apartment building slowly. All day he'd wanted to get home and get his drink, the image of the whiskey had been sitting in the back of his mind no matter what he was doing, but now he doubted himself. He knew what his body wanted and what a large part of his mind was desiring but there was a small voice in the back of his head that was trying to convince him not to go inside his apartment. <em>It was too good last night, you're not going to be able to resist and you're going to fall into the same trappings you did ten years ago.<em> He tried every rational argument on himself, every powerful persuasive technique he had learned and used in negotiations, but nothing worked. Though he wanted that rational part of himself to win, he knew it was the small minority of his mind. The yearning for the alcohol was too strong and he knew it; he saw himself falling back into his past and he tried to convince himself that he didn't care.

He let himself into his apartment and tried to act as if it was any other evening, doing the best he could to ignore the bottle still sitting on the table. He took his coat off and stood in the center of the room as he looked towards the kitchen. His eyes settled on the whiskey but he pried them away. _It's too early. _He reminded himself as he looked at the clock and saw it was only just passed 5 PM. _You drink now and you'll be gone the entire night. _He attempted to rationalize, give himself reason to hold off. _And you need to eat._ He thought seriously as he felt his hunger coming at full force. Since the re-qualification he'd barley eaten a full meal and he was in desperate need of some food that wasn't from a vending machine.

"Dinner...dinner..." He said aloud to himself as he scoured the refrigerator and cabinets. He, again, couldn't manage to remember to pick up any food before coming home and found himself staring at a can of condensed chicken noodle soup, a freezer burned TV dinner, and a slice of leftover pizza from a few days ago. After carefully evaluating his options he again found himself searching for take-out menus. He knew that they were where he'd left them last night, on the coffee table in the living room, but he couldn't help himself from nonchalantly walking towards the kitchen table.

_A shot before I order won't hurt._ He thought to himself as he rinsed out the glass in the sink and poured the half empty bottle. The amber liquid seemed to have a golden shine in the light of the apartment as Greg held the glass up and saw it shimmer. He didn't realize how widely he was smiling until the glass touched him lips. He had just put his head back and was about to tip the glass and finally taste the alcohol when the door buzzer rang harshly through the apartment. He jumped at the sound and almost spilled the shot as he felt his heart racing. _Who could that be? _He thought frantically of who might be visiting and if they would see through him and the facade he now felt he was hiding behind. He cautiously made his way over to the intercom and looked around before pressing the button.

"Parker." He said slowly, hoping that the person on the other end would realize that they'd rung the wrong apartment and would go away. There was a pause on the other end of the intercom before Greg was surprised to hear a familiar voice.

"Ah...hi Sarge." Spike's voice drifted into the room and Greg was simultaneously overjoyed, suspicious, and anxious. "It's Spike, I...I wanted to know if maybe I could talk to you...only if it's an okay time-" Greg took a deep breath and tried to judge the timing before pressing the button and speaking.

"Come on up, Spike." Greg said as calmly as he could before pushing the button to unlock the door and starting the count in his head. _Okay, roughly a minute._ He calculated quickly as he jogged into the kitchen and closed the bottle. He looked around his apartment quickly and evaluated all of the different hiding places, ruling some out for various reasons and eventually settling on a small cabinet under the sink. He pushed aside some cleaning supplies and carefully set down the bottle and the shot before taking one last look over the room and making sure there was no further evidence of his drinking. He only had time to take a few breaths before he heard a gentle knock on the door.

"Hey Spike." Greg opened the door and motioned for him to come in. Spike took a few steps in to the apartment but then seemed stuck about where to go next. He seemed anxious, his hands were in his pockets and his eyes were slightly downcast as Greg moved towards the living room. "Have a seat." He offered as he sat down in one of the chairs. Spike wasn't the only one who was nervous as he sat down and looked at his hands. Greg felt his chest tighten and his heart pounding as beads of sweat formed on his brow. _He doesn't know._ He kept reminding himself but somehow the message was not getting through and Greg was continuing to play out the worst case scenarios in which Spike somehow came to the revelation that he was drinking and found his whiskey. The silence was killing him as he wondered what Spike was thinking, what conclusions he was coming to. The rational part of his mind knew that Spike would speak when he was ready and knew that he was trying to figure out how to say whatever he wanted to say, but he felt himself growing antsy.

"I wanted to apologize for this morning." He said as he finally met Greg's eyes with an ashamed expression. "I was really out of line and I was angry and...I didn't know the full story." He paused as Greg's face turned into a slight question. "Sam told me about last night." Greg felt himself close his eyes and take a breath before looking at Spike again with a nod. "I'm really sorry about Haley, Boss." He said sincerely before his gaze returned his hands.

"Thank you, Spike." Greg said gently as he waited for Spike to look at him again. "Thank you." He said again before shaking his head slightly. "But it wasn't necessary for you to come all this way to apologize." Spike looked like he was about to say something but Greg continued before he could speak. "I don't blame you for being angry with me," He shrugged. "honestly, there's a big part of me that regrets asking for an outsider to do the evaluations but..." He tried to read Spike but was having trouble figuring out what his expression meant. "I don't think all the recommendations that Toth made were bad ones." He said carefully as Spike nodded sadly.

"So, you think I need a shrink too?" He half stated, half asked, as he looked back towards Greg.

"This isn't punishment Spike." He tried to assure the young man but knew that he'd already taken the wrong approach. "I think you've been through a lot these passed few years." Greg said gently. "And, I know now, that I don't know the half of it." He said with a slight smile. "And that's got to be weighing down on you. I think that you've got a lot of guilt and not too many people you'd willingly talk to about it." Greg waited a moment, still not sure what he was seeing on Spike's face. "So no, I don't think you need," He stressed the word. "need, a shrink. But I think it can only help." Spike was shaking his head subtly again as he put his hand through his hair.

"You're wrong." He said softly, his voice a bit shaky. Greg looked at him closely and was surprised to see him close to tears. Greg waited a few minutes to let Spike collect himself before speaking.

"How am I wrong Spike?" He asked softly. He was glad that Spike was opening up to him and glad that they were having this conversation, even if he wasn't sure he'd like the direction it was headed, but he couldn't get the thought of the whiskey from the back of his mind, inching itself closer to the forefront of his thoughts.

"It doesn't help." He said bitterly as he ran his hand through his hair again and leaned forward a bit. "It's not gonna help." He said ever softer. Greg also leaned in, hoping Spike would find his eyes again.

"It doesn't help, or it's not going to help?" He asked, taking Spike's words.

"Neither...both...it's making it worse." He said frustrated. Greg looked at him with sympathy.

"How do you mean?" He asked gently, not wanting to pry but also wanting to get to the bottom of what Spike was really saying.

"They're just making me relive it." He blurted out as new tears came to his eyes. Greg finally made the connection and sat back a bit.

"You mean the calls with Lou and Mac." He stated more than questioned but Spike nodded anyway.

"I was doing okay." Greg wasn't sure who he was trying to convince, he or himself. "I was doing okay." He repeated quietly. "I was doing okay until they split us up." He sounded downtrodden and the tone cut Greg like a knife. "I just...I guess I knew that no matter how bad things got with my Dad, and how bad I was feeling, the team was there for me." His voice was shaky again as he tried to hide the tears running down the face. Each word was like another weight was being added to Greg's chest, crushing his lungs as he didn't breathe and tried to keep a calm face of understanding; not daring show the actual pain Spike's words were bringing him.

"It just really feels like the world is out to get me, you know?" Spike asked rhetorically as he continued. "I mean, two of my best friends..." He trailed off as his eyes glazed over for an instant. "and my Dad won't talk to me until I quit the job that I love, not to mention that the doctors only give him a few more months to live," Spike was on a roll now and he was somewhere between angry, depressed, and laughing at the irony. "an now...now the only stable thing in my life, my friends and team and job, are all in jeopardy." He got quieter as he looked at Greg the first time during his ranting. "I know it's only temporary but...it just feels like nothing can ever be alright again." He finished with teary eyes. His face and tone had descended into sheer innocence as Greg looked at his young face. Usually his eyes exuded youth and excitement, fascination and overall happiness; Greg didn't know when that changed but now Spike's face showed nothing but pain and abandonment.

"I'm sorry, Spike." It was all Greg could think to say, the guilt building up behind his eyeballs, wanting to burst out of his pours and relieve all the pressure. The whiskey was now his only desire as he yearned to be numb.

"I don't blame you, Sarge." Spike said firmly as he shook his head. "I get why you did it," He assured. "I just really hate the fallout." He said with a nod. Greg thought about what to say, knowing that there should be a lot he wanted to say after Spike just opened up to him, but his only thought was the whiskey.

"Things will be alright again Spike." He assured with a nod. "They might not be exactly the same, but things will be okay." Spike nodded but Greg sensed that he wasn't particularly convinced. He couldn't focus on what Spike had said much longer than a few seconds before the thoughts of the whiskey resurfaced and monopolized his mind. The guilt only compounded as Greg saw Spike looking around nervously after a long silence. _He's opening up to you goddammit! Say something! _He tried to will himself, curse at himself but he couldn't bring himself to say anything else, prompt anymore conversation and likely find more reasons to feel guilty.

"I...ah...I should get going." Spike said as he moved to get up.

"You sure you're okay?" Greg asked as he also got up.

"Yeah, yeah I'm good, Sarge." He said in a convincing enough tone that Greg was okay letting him leave.

"Give it some time Spike, things'll work themselves out." Greg felt as though he had to offer some last words as Spike turned and left the apartment. After Greg was sure that Spike was down the hallway and out of earshot he put his head in his hands. _What the hell the Greg?_ He yelled at himself as he made his way over to the hidden alcohol. _He came to you, he wanted to confide in you, he wanted to talk to you._ He continued to berate himself as he took the first shot and quickly chased it down with another. _He needed some normal relationship in his life right now and you can't get him out the door fast enough._

"Shit!" Greg yelled aloud as he continued to take shots as quickly as he could pour them.

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><p><em>I know the ending here isn't too great but I want to do another chapter along with this one with him being drunk. I'm really really exhausted though, it's 1 AM and anything else I write won't be very coherent. One more note (which I won't post every chapter, but enough for you guys to get the hint):<em> I_f you're a Flashpoint addict and you're on facebook, make sure you're following "Flashpoint Team One." It's a page run directly by the producers so there's a ton of information, some behind the scenes pictures, there are discussion boards with fellow Flashpoint-addicts, and there are some pretty awesome give aways. The people on this page are true fans and the producers really do take an interest in what we're saying and answer many questions asked. Hopefully we'll see you over there! More soon, thanks for the read. _


	9. Chapter 9

To Hell and Back-Chapter 9

_I know, I know, this has taken me a little longer to update than usual. Sorry about that, I was kind of stuck. I knew what I needed to do but I was doubting my outline and I needed to get some distance and reevaluate things. I should also mention that I got a lot of direction (especially for this chapter) from Illyria13. Thanks so much! You guys have been waiting long enough, let me know what you think. __**Direct Spoilers**__: "One Wrong Move," "No Promises," "Severed Ties," "Exit Wounds," and "Fault Lines" (maybe not every episode right now, but from here on out it's a possibility of spoilers for those). As you know, I don't have the privilege of owning Flashpoint._

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><p>At first the alcohol only seemed to further boil Greg's blood as anger and guilt overcame him. <em>So many problems, so much pain, all your fault.<em> He took another shot and slammed the glass down on the table. He couldn't get the compounding mistakes out of his mind as he counted them off on his fingers.

"Bringing in Toth, letting them split up the team, Haley..." He paused for a moment as her face came into his view again. "...now Spike." He let out a sigh as he poured himself another drink. "And that's only this week." He mumbled as he threw his head back and let the liquid burn his throat. _So many people let down. _He thought sadly as he tried to fight the memories.

The drinking helped numb the thoughts and the feelings and the guilt, but it got a lot worse before it got better. He vividly remembered all of the moments of pain, all the looks of despair that crossed in front of his eyes. Big brown eyes surfaced in his mind as Spike's teary face enveloped all that Greg saw. He shook his head angry with himself for not saying anything substantive to soothe Spike's pain...and there was so much pain contained in that young man's mind. _Just can't get a break._ He thought bitterly as memories flooded his mind.

_The mid-afternoon sun was sinking just below the horizon as he looked over the college quad. The evacuations were moving, though not nearly as quickly as he hoped for. The main subject had just taken his own life, leaving the team to clean up the rest of the mess and take care of the complicated bombs that he left for them. Disabling the bombs had been slow going and Spike was halfway across town as time ticked down on the college bomb. Lou had been asking to try and diffuse the bomb and, after realizing that Spike wouldn't have time to get there, he agreed and sent Lou down range. He listened to Spike and Lou's conversation as he tried to speed up the evacuation and stay in touch with Ed, but the words he heard from Lou cut him to the bone, making his heart beat harder and faster than ever before. _

_ "Guys, I think I just stepped on a land mine." He knew that he needed to keep himself under control, he was in command and it was his job to make sure all of his people got home safe. _

_ "Come again, Lou?" He asked, his voice a bit shaky as he made sure he understood the words. _

_ "I just stepped on a land mine." He stepped away from the car and tried to take control of his body and tone. _

_ "How you know that?" He asked conversationally, intentionally calm. _

_ "Heard the click...I can feel the trigger spikes through my boot." _

_ "Okay Lou, the important thing is just to stay calm." Greg said, trying to convince himself as well as Lou. _

_ "I'm calm." His voice shook a bit as Greg took a few deep breaths. _

_ "Okay, yeah?" He asked again trying to breath. _

_ "Yeah, I'm good boss." He felt like he was stating the obvious but he had to say something. _

_ "Okay, you just make sure-" _

_ "I'm not moving." Lou assured. _

_ "Okay, just...relax." Greg said softly as Lou's voice quivered. Spike's voice came over the radio as Greg remembered that he was still working on a bomb of his own, only a few minutes left on the countdown. _

_ "Lou, don't even shift your weight, no decrease in pressure-"_

_ "Okay, okay I got you Spike." Lou's voice was heavy. _

_ "Spike." Greg interrupted him._

_ "I'm gonna get this thing nailed and then I'm going to be on my way. I'm gonna get you out buddy." He said passionately over the radio. _

_ "Spike." Greg again said forcefully. "You just stay focused, we're all good here." He had to assure them. He had to put on the happy optimistic face that they all expected him to have, that they needed him to have. Things felt like a blur as Lou pushed through and diffused the main bomb and Spike went to try and find a way to fix things. Sam and Ed had stayed fairly firm that there was no way of a happy ending but he couldn't give up. _

_ "A long shot is still a shot." The words reverberated in his mind as he heard Lou speaking over the radio. He knew what was going to come before he finished speaking; it was in his tone, he was ready to do what he had to in order to protect his friend. _

Greg felt like he could hear Spike's shouting cries in his ear as he took another shot and tried to block out the memory. It had taken a long time for the team to be functional after that call and Greg knew that Toth could have asked any member of Team One the questions he'd asked Spike and there would be stress reactions. All of them felt guilty for one reason or another for that day and that outcome and though Greg knew that Spike had taken it hardest. He'd lost his best friend and he felt like he'd failed him; the only person that might have felt worse was Greg. He hid it well, he had to in order to lead his team and assure them that they could talk to him, but he doubted himself ever since that day.

He was in command. He made the decision to send Lou down range and he was the one that couldn't think of a way to save him. His job was to keep the peace, just like any other member of the SRU, but further than that, his job was to make sure that his people were safe. He failed them that day and the guilt had been eating at him since. Everything was building, all of the guilt and regret and the alcohol had barley begun to take the edge away as he poured himself drink after drink and hoped that his mind would, for the first time in a long time, be silent.

It became a routine for him, a cycle of unending guilt and despair. he got up, reported to work, then went home and drank only to wake up the next morning and start it all over again. It was comforting in it's familiarity and damning in it's seductive danger because the only time he could sleep was when he was too drunk to dream. But without the dreams, his pain was ever present; hiding under his skin in a writhing ball of agony while he smiled and pretended that he was alright. And despite what he might tell himself on the surface, deep down he knew the truth: he's not okay, he'll never be okay. He's thrown away ten years of hard-earned sobriety, again abandoned by the people he cares most about. And a week passes before he knows it, a week filled with a bottle that doesn't end and a sickness that doesn't abate. It's almost two weeks later that his routine is thrown out the window.

Things had been uncharacteristically quiet at the SRU. A few warrants had come in but he hadn't needed to play a big part in the operations. For the most part, he'd been able to keep to himself and stay under the radar but that day, Commander Hollaran had called him in at the end of his shift.

"How are things going, Greg?" He asks with a smile. It supposed to be a warm smile but Greg feels nothing but animosity towards the man before him.

"Things are going pretty well, Commander." He says rigidly, trying to figure out what he's implying.

"What do you think of Team Three?" He asked vaguely, leaning in a bit. Greg nodded cautiously.

"They're a great group of officers, really solid and good at their jobs." He said with a slight hitch in his voice. "But I know that they're getting anxious. They're wondering how long these 'temporary' changes are going to last and...they're not the only ones." Greg tried to be as respectful as he could but the waiting was killing him. Hollaran nodded before looking at a file in his hands.

"Ed Lane is coming back to Team One tomorrow morning." He watched Greg carefully as he nodded, trying not to give away the plethora of emotions that flooded his mind.

"That's great." Greg said calmly with a smile.

"We'll let him get back and get settled with the way things are now and then we'll evaluate further changes." Greg nodded as he looked at his file again. "We're still waiting on results of Wordsworth's medical, they had to refer him to a specialist." Greg nodded again, the pressure compounding and weighing down on his chest as he stood to leave.

Another night of drunken stupor followed the conversation as Greg cycled between anger and anxiousness, nostalgia and despair. He couldn't stay mad at Ed for not answering his calls; Greg knew that he'd messed up and that Ed had reason to be angry, but it didn't help the feeling that he'd lost his best friend. Ed had always been there for him, always pushing him in the right direction, keeping him sane and grounded on the days where he didn't think he'd be able to make it through.

_"...Maggie gets a second chance...so can you." _

_ "Ten years, Eddie. Ten years sitting on the side lines waiting for my ex to notice that I'm not who I was. Ten years of birthday, report cards, lost teeth, broken arms...ten years. I've hugged a hundred kids in the last ten years and I still don't know what it feels like to hug my own boy." Greg felt himself unraveling, angry and emotional and needing something to cling to, someone to pull him out of his own self-doubt. _

_ "So why don't you go down there, take a ram, and bust open a couple of doors, huh? Or maybe you get a lawyer. You're a good man, Greg Parker, and your son deserves to know that." _

_ "Second chances..." He didn't feel like he could believe the sentiment of Ed's words, part of him not feeling like he deserved the chance at happiness. _

_ "It's that simple."_

He didn't want to think anymore, didn't want to worry, but anxiety eats away at his mind as he considers the implications of Ed returning. He'd been hoping for things to return to normal for weeks, all of them had, but Greg was seriously questioning if things could ever be the same again. Another shot burned his throat as he tried to forget, tried to relax and tried to find that release he'd desperately been seeking.

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><p><em>Okay, kind of on the long side but this was going to be three chapters originally with a lot of filler. Let me know what you think. I was seriously stuck on this and Illyria13 broke me out of my slump and gave me the idea for that transition paragraph in the middle (you know, the paragraph that's so much more amazing than the rest of the writing that surrounds it). So, the much awaited return of Ed is coming. Probably not tonight, but I won't keep you waiting too long. Thanks for the read, let me know what you're thinking. <em>


	10. Chapter 10

To Hell and Back-Chapter 10

_So after combining three chapters I outlined into the one chapter that you read, I'm happy to say that the much anticipated return of Ed can come sooner than expected! Thanks for the patience and the reviews; though I like to say I write for myself, those reviews really do keep me going and keep me updating, so thanks. Okay, you know it by now but I don't own Flashpoint._

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><p>Greg was used to waking up with hangovers by now and had gotten himself down to a routine: lots of aspirin, a few water bottles, a cold shower, and a stick of gum for him to be out of the house and ready (more or less) for the day. Today was a different kind of day though, at least if felt that way as he rolled over and tried to stop the incessant blaring of his alarm clock. Though the hangover wasn't particularly worse than it ever was, Greg felt like every line on his face was deeper, every blood vessel in his eye was redder, and every flinch of pain or discomfort was more pronounced. He stood in front of the mirror as he chugged a bottle of water and tried to anticipate any question that might be thrown his way.<p>

He knew that today would be the day that everything changed. Ed was scheduled to come back and start work this morning and he considered the implications of their meeting for the first time since the re-qualifications. Ed was the only one that had known Greg when he was drinking and if anyone was going to pick up on the subtle changes, it would be him. _On the other hand_, he though as he pulled into his parking spot and glanced around the garage, _if I can make it through this week and he doesn't notice then I'm set._ He stopped for a moment and considered his own train of thought, almost disgusted by his rationale. _Is that really for the best though?_ He wondered as he entered the locker room and started to change into his uniform.

There was no one else in the locker room; most of Team Three had gotten in early to work out and when Greg walked in it seemed that they were mid-competition with Team Two in the gym seeing who could lift more on the bench press. He took solace in the silent locker room and glanced at his watch, wondering if maybe he'd be able to miss Ed this morning. Part of him really wanted to talk to Ed, to flesh out some of the anger he apparently still felt, to make moves towards reconciliation; but a bigger part of him, the part of his mind that seemed to be whispering in his ear about self preservation was winning out. He didn't have to make a decision as Ed opened the door to the locker room and gave him a curt nod.

"Morning." He said briefly as he turned his back and opened his locker. Greg felt paralyzed as he walked in but felt his breath returning as he stood and buttoned his shirt. Ed was taping a picture of a small infant dressed in pink to the inside of his locker next to one of Clark's school pictures.

"Is that your daughter?" Greg asked in a conversational tone as he glanced over Ed's shoulder. He could see a smile forming on Ed's face as he nodded.

"Yeah, Isabel..." Ed smiled widely. "Clark likes to call her Izzy though and it's kind of rubbing off on me."

"She's beautiful, Eddie." Greg said sincerely as he sat down on the bench and faced Ed's back. "And how's Sophie doing?" He asked as he tied his boots. Ed shrugged.

"She's tired and stressed but I think we're getting a handle on things." Ed said simply as he continued to keep his back turned and change into his uniform.

"Thats good." Greg nodded as he looked up towards Ed again, hoping that he'd turn around and make eye contact with him. "I'm guessing your shoulder is good." Greg said as Ed easily slipped his arms into his shirt.

"Yeah," He shrugged. "Still a little pain sometimes but I've got full range of motion." He explained quickly. Greg was aware that he was giving short, one sentence answers to all his inquiries and though he was glad that they were talking, he also knew that by letting it continue he'd just be letting the animosity grow. He took a deep breath before speaking.

"Eddie, I think we need to talk." He said carefully but confidently nonetheless.

"Nothing to talk about, Greg-" He turned as he spoke and looked fully at Greg for the first time since he'd come into the locker room. He stopped mid-sentence and looked at him with an expression Greg couldn't quite place somewhere between anger and concern.

"Are you chewing gum?" Ed asked, almost accusingly as Greg let the confusion show on his face. He hadn't been expecting that question.

"Um...yeah, you want a piece?" Greg asked, still not understanding the look Ed was giving him. He didn't seem to blink as he stared Greg down, scrutinizing him. After a long pause he spoke slowly and clearly.

"I haven't seen you chew gum in nearly ten years Greg." He said strongly as he looked him directly in the eyes. "You said that it helped with the hangover, with the nausea and the smell on your breath." Ed had become more heated as he took a step closer and looked at him critically. Greg held his hands up in the universal sign of 'no harm' as he smiled calmly.

"Eddie, you're reading too much into this." Greg tried to assure him but his heart was racing and he wasn't sure how much longer he could maintain this facade of calm. Ed looked at him, his expression one of almost pain and sympathy. He shook his head subtly.

"No...no, I don't think I am Greg." He said softly as he closed his locker and looked towards him expectantly. Greg tried to think of what to do, what to say. Part of him wanted to shout what he'd done and finally get the pressure from his chest but the more dominant part of his brain had one thing in mind: run. He was again saved from making the decision or continuing the conversation as an alarm sounded through HQ.

"Team Three, hot call." Winnie's voice reverberated in the locker room as Greg subtly tried to let out the breath he was holding. Ed's stare didn't relent but the members of Team Three had filed into the locker room from the gym and were changing into the uniforms while awaiting further details for the call. Greg snapped into attention as he realized that his team was looking at him. He put his earpiece in as he began to speak.

"Winnie, feed me information on the fly." He said into the microphone before addressing the men, quickly changing and gearing up. "Team Three, meet at the trucks in five minutes." He said as he gathered the last of his things. He was aware that Ed's eyes were glued to him, even as he turned his back and left the locker room, trying to focus on the call.

He stopped briefly at the Communication's Desk to pick up information from Winnie and nodded towards Sam and Spike. They seemed to be finishing up their workouts and heading towards the locker rooms, quickly pressing themselves against the wall as Team Three jogged out and headed towards the trucks.

"Spike, don't let me do that again." Sam said in a pained voice as he rubbed his arms.

"Oh come on, you're Samtastic. Don't tell me that you lifted too much weight." Spike said sarcastically as he laughed a bit at Sam's cockiness. "I'm not one to say I told you so but..." Sam shot Spike a look as they went into the locker room and saw Ed sitting on the bench looking shocked.

"Ed, what's up?" Sam asked with a bit of concern as he approached his friend. Ed shook his head.

"Nothing, just thinking." He said vaguely before standing up and buttoning his shirt.

"You sure?" Spike asked as he opened his locker and looked at Ed carefully. He nodded after a moment.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine." He said confidently as he looked between both men and seemed to be thinking.

"How's the boss been?" He asked conversationally as he saw Sam and Spike share a look. He tilted his head a bit as he felt his heart beating hard, hoping against all hope that the conclusions he'd come to had been wrong. Sam broke the silence as he shrugged.

"I don't know." He shook his head slightly before looking towards Ed. "I don't see him a lot anymore but when I do something just seems...I don't know, just off about him." Sam said as he bit his lip. "Jules said the same thing the other day." He went on to explain. "He just doesn't really seem like himself." He shrugged again and shook his head, not able to find any more words. Ed looked towards Spike, who also shrugged.

"I get the same vibe. I don't know, at first I thought he was just upset about Haley but..." Spike shook his head and shrugged but didn't say anything else. Ed nodded, more to himself than either of them as he silently stared off into space, Sam and Spike not daring to interrupt his seeming intense train of thought.

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><p><em>Kind of short and not much gained but Ed's back and he's on Greg's tail. Next chapter or two will be the hot call but don't worry, you'll get plenty of Ed later. What do you think? Review me please...pretty please. I know there are a bunch of you who really consistently review, but there are something like another 350 of you by my story traffic that I haven't heard from. Let me know you're out there. Thanks!<em>


	11. Chapter 11

To Hell and Back-Chapter 11

_Took me a while to work out this chapter, so thanks to everyone for your patience and for reading and reviewing. To those of you who review but don't have an account (DJ, warriorchic, all you other anonymous reviewers) I can't get back to you in private messages like I do with the rest of my reviews, but thank you. Thanks everyone for the patience and the advice and the encouragement. I can't tell you how much I appreciate you, so how about another chapter? I don't own Flashpoint, I just like to put the characters through hell and return them in (almost) the same condition that I borrowed them in._

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><p>Hanson carefully drove the SUV in and out of traffic as he and Greg led the way to the address of the call. The guys on Team Three knew that Greg and Ed had obviously been in a very tense conversation before they left HQ but no one dared to ask and take their focus away from the call.<p>

"Winnie, what information do we have?" Greg broke the silence on the radio as he tried to refocus himself and concentrate on the call. He was a little groggy from the hangover and there was still a headache pounding agains his temples but he hoped that it wouldn't impact the call.

"Single shot fired through a door on the third floor of the Grant Ave apartment complex." She explained as she pulled up the report. "It seems that the shot hit someone in the thigh." She searched for more information but it was still being channeled through and it hadn't hit the computers yet. "That's all I've got right now, Boss."

"Okay," Greg said as he thought about options.

"Grant Ave," Robertson's voice came over the radio as he and Drake drove behind them. "That's not the greatest area." He said as they left behind the tall skyscrapers of the city began to drive through more broken down areas. "Is it possible this is drug related?" He mused.

"We can't rule it out." Hanson said as he made a sharp turn. "Our main priority will be getting information right now." He glanced towards Greg who nodded for him to continue. "Rose, when we get on scene I want you on those computers. Find out who we're dealing with here. Drake, you find a perch and see if you can get us some eyes."

"Copy." He said over the radio in a cool tone.

"Robertson, we need some information. Talk to neighbors, witnesses, get the story and then see about something less lethal. Lee, you and I will look at entry options."

"If it's an apartment complex chances are we've only got one door and maybe a few windows." Lee said as they saw the flashing lights of squad cars in the distance.

"Alright guys, let's get some information, let's get set up, and we'll try to start talking." Greg said as they pulled up to the scene. "Let's keep the peace." He said quietly as everyone went about their tasks. Greg got out of the truck and looked around at the scene. It always seemed chaotic when they first arrived, an entire block seeming to be a pedestrian thoroughfare as officers, medics, and witnesses tried to find who and what they were looking for. Greg looked up at the relatively small building in front of him and then towards the building across the street as he saw Drake heading to the fire escape and beginning his climb to the rooftop.

"Inspector," Greg called as he saw Inspector Stainton walking towards a squad car. He turned quickly when he heard his name called and walked towards Greg.

"Sergeant," He acknowledged before motioning toward the building. "We've got a real mess here." He ran his hand through his thin hair before flipping through a notebook in his hands. "I don't have a lot of information, I just got here, but the apartment is number 323. It belongs to Donald Killen." Greg held up his hand for him to wait a moment as he spoke into the radio.

"Apartment number 323 belongs to Donald Killen. Rose?"

"Copy that, I'll pull up records." Rose responded as the gentle patter of typing could be heard over the microphone.

"Is it confirmed that Donald Killen is the subject, Inspector?" He asked as they both walked towards the command truck.

"We don't have visual confirmation yet but it's suspected." Greg nodded as he was about to step into the truck.

"Sergeant, I think you should hear this." Robertson's voice came over the radio as Greg quickly located him near the ambulance at the edge of the scene. He jogged over and saw a young women dressed professionally laying on a stretcher with bandages around her leg and an IV coming from her arm. A man was next to her, speaking to Robertson as Greg approached.

"This is Alexis Rameryiez and Michael Jameson" Robertson introduced Greg quickly before turning back to the two.

"Sergeant Greg Parker, can you tell me what happened?" He asked as he looked between the man and the woman. The man started speaking, obviously shaken but trying to stay calm.

"We're from Children Services." He explained as Greg's attention perked. "We were coming to remove the children from the home." He said grimly as Greg nodded and spoke into the radio.

"Everyone listen up, we've got kids in the apartment. Drake, eyes as soon as you can." Greg said with urgency. He turned back to the social workers. "How many kids?"

"Two, Alec is eleven and Patrick is eight." Jameson said as medics came up to the stretcher.

"We're going to take her to the hospital now." They interrupted as they checked her vitals. Greg nodded and led the man back to the truck after the ambulance pulled away.

"Why were the children being taken?" Greg asked as calmly as he could manage, trying not to jump to conclusions. The man ran his hand through his thin blond hair as he tried to focus.

"The father, Don, he left the boys alone for extended periods of time." He said as he glanced towards the house. Greg looked at him critically, needing more information.

"Is he an addict, abusive, neglectful..." He rambled off the possibilities trying to get a better read on what he was dealing with. The social worker shook his head at all the options.

"No, no nothing like that." He said sadly. "He's trying hard to make ends meet, working two jobs but one of them was at night and he left the kids alone." Greg nodded with understanding.

"So, what happened today?"

"We were coming to remove the kids from the home for their safety. We knocked on the door a few times and had just called for officers to assist us when he fired through the door. The bullet hit Alexis' leg and I just grabbed her and ran and didn't look back." He explained with a slight shiver running through his body as he remembered. Greg nodded again.

"Alright, stay nearby incase we need you." He half asked, half commanded as he stepped into the truck. "Our subject is Don Killen. We have two children in the home, Alec, eleven, and Patrick, eight. We can't use flash bangs or CS gas with kids in there..." Greg said softly as he tried to look over the floor plans Rose handed him. "I want to try and talk this guy out." He continued strongly. "How are we looking?"

"I have eyes on the subject, main living room. No visual on kids. I have the solution." Drake said in a measured tone over the radio. Greg nodded.

"Copy Sierra One, hold." He paused for a moment before taking a deep breath and picking up his cell phone. "I'm going to try and call. Drake, keep eyes and let me know how he reacts." He dialed the number that Rose had pulled up on the screen and heard the phone ringing.

"He's just looking at the phone..." Drake said slowly as he focused. "He's got a some kind of semi-automatic revolver." He gave as much information as he could from so far away. Robertson came into the truck as Greg hung up the phone and looked at him.

"I found a neighbor that's been in the apartment before, she said that this room is the boy's room." He pointed to a small room down a hallway, a bit further off from the living room.

"Good, can you get another perch and see if you can get a visual on that room incase he barricades himself in with the kids?" Greg asked as he saw Robertson thinking about the angles.

"I'll give it a go." He said as he left the truck. Greg picked up his phone and tried calling again but the phone just kept ringing.

"He's looking at the phone but I don't think he's going to answer." Drake said as Greg slumped back in his chair for a minute and rubbed his temples. He took a few deep breaths and closed his eyes, trying to block out the sounds on the constant chatter in his ear.

"You okay, Sergeant?" Rose glanced over his shoulder, a concerned look on his face. Greg sat up and nodded.

"Yeah...yeah fine, just a headache." He explained as he grabbed the megaphone and got out of the truck. He walked down the block a bit until he was behind a squad car and near the window that Drake was looking through at a distance.

"Mr. Killen!" He said loudly into the megaphone. "Mr. Killen my name is Sergeant Greg Parker, I'm with the police Strategic Response Unit!" He paused for a moment and let the sound echo up towards the building. "I'm trying to call you on the phone, I just want to talk." He explained again before dialing his cell phone.

"He's looking out the window. I have the solution." Drake relayed the information.

"Hold Sierra One." He reminded again as he heard the phone ring again in his ear. He was about to give up when he heard the ringing cut off. No one spoke into the phone, but someone had picked it up.

"Mr. Killen? This is Greg Parker, I'm glad you picked up the phone-"

"The only way you're taking my kids from me is over my dead body." A cold voice came over the line as Greg took a breath and nodded towards Hanson.

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><p><em>A little on the short side, I'm thinking there will be another chapter for this call, it might turn into two chapters but I doubt it. Let me know what you think. <em>


	12. Chapter 12

To Hell and Back-Chapter 12

_Alrighty, thanks for the reviews everyone. I'm thinking that this chapter will finish up the call but we'll see how things go. Tell me what you think and remember, I don't own flashpoint, the awesome people on facebook's, "Flashpoint Team One" page do. (Like that page!)_

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><p>Greg took a breath as he looked towards the window and spoke into his phone.<p>

"Mr. Killen, Don," He said firmly. "No one wants that to happen. I want to help you and we want to resolve this peacefully. No one else has to get hurt." Greg said confidently as he heard a cynical laugh over the phone.

"Well, Greg, I don't want anyone else to get hurt but if someone comes to take my kids things are going to turn bad." He said rapidly. Greg almost thought that his tone was arrogant but after listening closely to the words he heard a strong undertone of panic.

"We're not going to do that Don." Greg assured as Robertson's voice came over the radio.

"I don't have a visual on the kids, they might be on the floor but I don't see them." He explained.

"Is everyone okay up there Don?" Greg asked, hoping to get some mutual trust established.

"Yeah, yeah everyone's okay." He said quickly but with a slight hitch in his voice. "Is...is that social worker alright?" He asked softly. Greg nodded, not sure if he was still watching at the window.

"She was bleeding a lot but they took her to the hospital." He paused for a moment and thought he heard a sigh of relief over the phone.

"Good...that's good-" Greg heard static over the phone as Drake's voice came over the radio.

"He's muting the phone in his shirt and he's looking off towards a door. I have the solution but no visual on the distraction." He relayed as Hanson approached. Greg kept an ear on the phone as he turned and looked towards the Team Leader.

"We've only got one door. Repelling is an option but not a great one." He pointed to the rooftop and Greg saw that it would have been a difficult drop. He heard the phone disconnect and saw that the call had been ended.

"Okay, he's showing remorse for the shooting and he seems open to talking. I want to keep going with negotiations but I need some more information." Greg said as he walked back towards the command truck.

"Got it!" Rose said excitedly as Greg stepped inside.

"What did you find?" Hanson asked expectantly as he leaned over his shoulder and started to read from the computer screen.

"Well, he's in major debt and has two jobs, by day he's a construction worker and at night he's a janitor." He started to speak as he pulled up different files. "No criminal record, no mental health record, he doesn't have a permit for the gun; only thing I've got is that three months ago he filed for divorce and then for sole custody of the kids and he won." Greg's attention perked as he also leaned over and looked at the court documents.

"Where's the mother?" Greg asked as he squinted towards the bright screen and eventually turned away, the light searing through his eyes and further bringing his attention to the ever present headache.

"Doesn't say." Rose said vaguely as he tried to find more information. "But right around then is when Don picked up the night job." He offered as he gave up on the court documents. "I'll keep looking though." Greg nodded as he looked towards Hanson.

"What are you thinking?" Greg asked Hanson, feeling the need to check himself. He shrugged.

"The wife leaving was probably a big stressor." He said as his face contorted a bit, thinking hard. Greg knew that Ed was one of a kind when it came to transitioning from tactical thinking to negotiating. Most people didn't like to jump between the two mindsets because of the extreme contrasts; negotiations are aimed at getting the subject out peacefully, tactics are set up simultaneously though because while they were trying to get inside a subject's head and help them, they also had to plan for the possibility of needing to kill him.

"That had to be huge." Greg agreed as he nodded. "It seems that financially she might have been helping out and with the kids also, he's under a lot of pressure right now but he's fighting for his kids. He's risking everything for them, that love and bond is something we've got to bring out." Greg mused out loud as Hanson nodded.

"Hanson, I've got a neighbor out here with some insight." Lee's voice came over their radios as Hanson and Greg left the truck and headed towards him. An elderly man with a walker stood near a squad car flanked by a younger woman.

"You're the commanding officer?" The man said loudly in an urgent voice.

"Yes sir," Greg nodded. "Sergeant Greg Parker, SRU." He said as the man grasped the handles of the walker.

"This is all a big mistake, Sergeant." He said passionately. "Don is a great man and a great father, he'd never do something like this." The man took gasping breaths as Greg looked at him carefully.

"Are you alright, sir?" He asked urgently as the man coughed into his sleeve. The woman was by his side now and dragged an oxygen tank along with her.

"Deep breaths, Dad." She said as she hooked up the flow and he calmed down.

"Rachel Evans," She introduced herself and adjusted something on the oxygen tank. "This is my father, Marshal Evans." Greg nodded and looked towards her.

"Do you know the Killens?"

"Yes, I watch the boys every day." Marshal said loudly before coughing again.

"Dad." Rachel said angrily as she re-hocked the oxygen tank. "He would check in on the boys while their father was at work but when he broke his hip last month he couldn't move. I was helping him and that's when I found out that the boys were alone." She paused before letting out a sigh. "I'm the one that called Children's Services." Greg nodded.

"His no good wife left him," Marshal made a face as he nearly spit out the words, "she was a drunk," Greg flinched at the words. "ran off and took his money." He paused a moment before looking in Greg's eyes. "He's a good man trying to do good by his kids!" Marshal yelled again.

"I understand that sir. I really do understand..." Greg said as he reached for his phone again. "And I'm going to do everything I can to keep them safe." He said before turning and walking towards the command post dialing the phone.

"Don, it's Greg Parker again, how are things going in there?" He asked calmly into the phone.

"Things are fine." He said simply, the adrenaline high seemingly wearing off as his tone flattened.

"I've been talking to some of your neighbors, Don." Greg explained. "I heard that things have been pretty stressful the last few months."

"You can say that." He nearly laughed into the phone.

"I can tell that you really love your kids though, Don." Greg said sincerely.

"They're my whole life." He spoke softly. "Alec and I, we were trying to teach Patrick how to skate before I had to start working nights." He seemed nostalgic as he spoke.

"Must be really tough to be alone, raising two kids and trying to make ends meet. Sounds like it could be overwhelming." Don didn't respond but Greg took it as a sign to continue. "I'm guessing things hit a breaking point today but I want you to know that we could make this right...you can make a choice Don, and you can put down the gun and walk out of there." There was a pause for a moment as Greg heard heavy breathing over the phone.

"I can't do that, Greg. I can't let my kids be taken and split up and put into foster care." There was pleading quality to his voice as he spoke.

"I hear you, Don. You're afraid, you're not sure what's going to happen to them but nothing is going to be solved today with a gun. Maybe the kids can come down here and wait while we sort all this out-" The phone clicked as Greg heard him hang up. He let out a breath and saw Hanson's expecting face. "Well, I'm hitting a nerve so something's ringing true." He shrugged and rubbed at his temples again, trying to will his headache away. They saw a figure at the window and heard yelling.

"Get back! You're not taking my kids! Get back!"

"He's waving the gun around, I've got the solution." Drake said frustrated into the radio.

"Hold Sierra One. Hold." Greg said firmly as he dialed the phone quickly. It continued to ring even as they saw Don back away from the window

"What do you want to try now, Sergeant?" Hanson asked cautiously. Though they'd worked together for the past few weeks, they still hadn't gotten a complete handle on each other's plans or ideas in certain situations. He took a deep breath and wiped some sweat from his brow before nodding, almost to himself.

"I want to do this face-to-face." He turned towards Hanson and saw the hesitation in his face.

"Are you sure Sergeant?" He asked softly. "We still don't have the kids secured and things could escalate if he thinks that we're trying to take them."

"That's why we make sure that he knows we're not going to do that." Greg said simply as he called Lee over. "Anyway, it's better tactically because we'll have eyes and ears and you guys will have some options." He was trying to convince someone, he wasn't sure if it was himself or Hanson. After another moment of hesitation, Hanson nodded and went to gather the equipment as Greg dialed the phone.

"Don, I'm glad you picked up but you can't be pointing that gun at anyone, do you understand?" Greg said quickly, needing to get that established. "

"Pull everyone back! No one gets near the building." Don growled into the phone.

"I can't pull anyone back Don, but how about I come up there with two of my guys to make sure no one comes in the hallway?" Greg offered gently. He heard the panicked breath over the phone and spoke again before being outrightly denied. "Don, we're not going to do anything, we don't want to hurt anyone, I just would rather talk to you in person and that way we all make sure that no one comes near you and your kids." Greg explained. "As long as you keep that gun down and you're not threatening anyone, nothing's going to happen that we don't talk about." Greg assured. He heard hesitance on the other end of the line but he eventually heard a hollowly confident voice.

"You and two guys. And you're not coming inside, you're staying in the hall but I'll open the door." He said as calmly as it seemed he could manage.

"Thank you, Don." Greg said into the silent phone as Don hung up. He nodded towards Hanson and Lee as they headed towards the building.

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><p><em>So, I really hate this chapter. That's why I made sure that I had the next one done and uploaded along with this one, that way you don't have to sit with a crappy chapter for a long time. So read the next one, then tell me what you think.<em>


	13. Chapter 13

To Hell and Back-13

_This one is better than the last, I think so at least. Let me know though. I don't own Flashpoint._

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><p>The walk up to the third floor apartment felt like miles to Greg. He knew that Hanson wasn't completely behind his decision but he knew in his gut that he could get through to this man and identify with him. Greg saw the parallels in his life and his family: he'd worked too long and too hard (<em>the drinking sure didn't help)<em>, he was abandoned by his wife (_though he couldn't really blame her)_ and he had fought for Dean, though seeing how vehemently Don refused to give up his kids had him questioning himself. _Did I really do everything I could to keep him a part of my life?_ He shook his head and took a few breaths to clear his mind. _Can't get distracted now, we're on a call and this guy has a gun._ He tried to remind himself. As they approached the apartment they were able to see the open door and Lee and Hanson moved in front of Greg with ballistic shields raised and guns held steadily. Greg placed his hand on Hanson's shoulder and squeezed once bringing them to a stop a few feet away from the door.

"Don, it's Greg. I'm here with my two guys. Is it okay if I move a little closer so I can see you?" He asked as a muffled affirmation came from within the apartment. Greg again squeezed Hanson's shoulder and they moved slowly towards the door. He heard his boots making a squishing sound as he realized that they were stepping over puddles of blood from the social worker. He tried to push the thought from his mind as he finally faced Don Killen.

He seemed to be a normal looking man. Dark hair was accentuated by the dark circles around his eyes and the bloodshot vessels that surrounded his bright green pupils. He looked like he was beyond exhaustion, running purely on adrenaline at this point as he held the gun at his side. His finger was still resting on the trigger and his wrist was firm, ready to pull the gun up in an instant, but for now he was keeping it pointed to the floor. His features were hard as he made a conscious effort to keep his expression cold. Greg took a breath before speaking.

"Don, we're just going to stay right here, just keep that gun pointed down and we'll all be good. Okay?" Greg smiled slightly as he looked at Don and saw the deep anxiety and fear behind his eyes. He nodded but didn't make any move from his spot in the middle of the room. "Don, I've just go to ask you, where are your kids?"

"Why?" He asked suspiciously, a cold edge in his voice.

"Well, I've just got to let my bosses know that they're okay." Don seemed to look over Greg critically before nodding.

"They're fine. They're in their room. I told them to go behind Patrick's bed up against the far wall." He said as he nodded vaguely down a hallway.

"Good, that's good to know." Greg said as he heard Robertson and Rose start to strategize about getting them out another way. "I can tell that you really love them, Don. Everyone we've talked to says that your kids are your life and no one doubts that." He saw Don relaxing his muscles ever so slightly.

"You've got kids, don't you?" He asked with a slight knowing smile. Greg's breath caught in his throat for an instant as he thought about Dean and wether he could really consider himself a father or not. He nodded slowly.

"Yeah, I have a son." He said softly, not sure if he wanted to go down this road. He saw Don smile again.

"How old is he?" Greg hesitated an instant.

"He's going to be seventeen next month." Don nodded.

"Alec is only eleven and Patrick's eight but they grow up so fast, don't they?" He asked with a nostalgic smile. Greg nodded and let Don continue. "I mean, it feels like just yesterday I was changing their diapers, teaching them to walk and then to skate, they're both great at hockey." He said with a smile. "And Alec is learning multiplication and Patrick's class is hatching those little chicks." There were tears forming in his eyes now as he thought about his children. "I can't lose them, they're everything to me." He was nearly begging now.

"I hear you, Don." Greg said sympathetically. "I hear you. You do your absolute best to do everything for your kids but stuff happens." Greg said softly. "Stuff happens that you can't control and everything starts to fall apart." Don was staring vaguely in Greg's direction and didn't make any move to say anything. "You're wife leaving must have been really tough on you, Don." It wasn't a question but it left him in a position where he had to say something.

"She was gone long before she left." He shrugged and shook his head a bit. Greg again felt a pang of guilt as he wondered how long his family had considered him 'gone.' _On focus now, time and place._ He took a breath to clear his mind.

"So you've been going at it alone for a long time now?" It was framed as a question but they all knew that it was more of a statement. He hesitated for a moment before nodding.

"Yeah..." He said as he looked towards Greg. He had trying to inch his way from behind the shields slowly. He wanted to move up towards Don but he knew that Hanson and Lee were too much of a threat to him. He felt Hanson giving him a bit of resistance as he tried to move up past him but he worked his way up so he wasn't covered.

"You're not alone though anymore Don." He said strongly as he smiled. "I want to help you, we all want to help you out here," Greg said sincerely as he gestured towards Hanson and Lee. "but you've got to help us out also; you've got to put the gun down." He started out by shaking his head slowly but it became more rapid as his anger and fear was restored.

"No, no. If I put the gun down then you come in here and you take my kids!" He was starting to yell now as Hanson whispered into the radio knowing that they couldn't move up to protect him without further worrying Don.

"He's escalating. Get behind the shield, Parker." Greg also began shaking his head, partially as an answer to Hanson and partially towards Don.

"We just want everyone to walk out of here today, that includes you and your kids." Greg tried to assure him but Don was shaking his head again.

"No. You say you know what it feels like, you say that you hear me, but you don't know! Do you know what it feels like to have someone say that you're not fit to be a parent? That your kids would be better off without you in their lives?" He asked heatedly. Greg hesitated again, for the first time in a long time regretting that he'd told the truth. He took a breath and nodded slowly.

"I do know." He said softly as Don's expression changed and he watched Greg closely. "I know what it feels like to work your whole life for your kids, to live and breathe for them, and then one day they're just not there anymore. It's like a part of your soul is being ripped out." He heard the awkward silence over the radio as everyone seemed to stop what they were doing and listen intently, wondering about Greg's angle. "I've seen my son once in the last ten years," He shook his head as he remembered Dean coming by HQ. "and the only reason he sought me out is because he was planning on changing his last name..." He paused for a moment and let the idea sink in. "He wants nothing to do with me, even though I love him with all my heart, but I did that to myself." He said with a hint of resentment in his voice. "I did that to myself but you've still got a chance here." He paused and listened to the radio for a minute.

"We can repel and get the kids." Robertson suggested.

"Too risky if he hears, hold." Hanson answered quickly.

"You still have a chance to do this right, Don." Greg assured as he took another step forward. "You can still get your kids back, you can see them grow up, and they can still love you, but this has got to end now. You need to put the gun down and we need to sort this out." He paused for a moment before almost whispering. "Sometimes you have to let go of the people you love and know that one day you'll have another chance." Don seemed to think on things for a long few minutes as he held the gun firm in his hands before shaking his head.

"No." He said softly at first before growing more passionate. "No. You can't love your kids and be okay with not seeing them and being there for them. You can't be okay with missing their birthdays and helping them with their homework and teaching them to play hockey." He said strongly before looking at Greg. "Maybe it works for you but that's not the kind of man I am." There was another long pause as they both tried to think of what to say. Greg was struck speechless, a rare occurrence, as he tried to figure out how to get the negotiation back and how to regain control of the direction. Don spoke before he could think of anything to say.

"No," He seemed to say to himself at first. "That's not the way this is going to end." He stated strongly as he started to breath a little heavier, tears coming to his eyes again.

"How is this going to end then, Don?" Greg asked cautiously, not liking the tone that the conversation had taken. He shook his head as his fingers wrapped around the gun's grip again.

"Promise me they'll be taken care of." He asked softly. Greg shook his head and took a breath.

"Don, I know you feel cornered here but no one has to die today, no one." Greg tried to instill the idea strongly but tears were starting to run down Don's face.

"Tell me they'll be okay." He asked again, a bit stronger this time. Greg again shook his head.

"Don, you need to think about this and put the gun down. You need to be there for your kids right now. Imagine how afraid they are." Greg was grasping for anything now as he spoke more passionately. "They need you."

"I can't be there only to let them be taken from me, it doesn't work that way Greg." He said with a shaky voice as he openly cried. "Make sure they know that I loved them."

"Don," Greg was still trying to talk to him despite Hanson's demands that he get behind the shield. Things happened quickly as Don raised the gun and pointed it toward's Greg's chest. He still thought he'd be able to talk him out of it; he was still trying when a gunshot went off followed milliseconds later by a second shot. Greg wasn't sure which he felt first, the searing pain as the bullet hit his vest and the force of it's speed bruised his ribs, or the hot blood of Don Killen splattering on his face. Though he heard Lee's voice over the radio confirming that the subject was secured, his words were drowned out by the yelling coming from the other room as the two boys heard the gunshots but didn't know what was happening.

Greg had difficulty breathing as felt himself being pulled up by both arms and led out the door. Hanson had gone to check on the boys and keep them in the room, away form the scene, as Rose and Lee dragged Greg down to a waiting ambulance. No one said anything to him as he saw Drake being led off by SIU. He insisted that he didn't need to go to the hospital, since taking his vest off he'd been able to breathe much easier and the only lasting effect he'd have from the bullet was a massive blue and purple bruise spanning from his right shoulder down to the middle of his chest and diaphragm. Robertson approached him in the ambulance as the medic wrapped his chest with a compression bandage.

"What the hell?" He asked heatedly as Lee and Rose looked at him. "Why didn't you call Scorpio? Why didn't you stay behind the damn shield?" Greg was surprised that the man who had said the least in the past weeks was now the one yelling at him but he held his ground.

"I think I could have talked to him-"

"He shot you!" He said frustrated as Hanson stepped between them and faced Robertson.

"This is not the time. We will debrief when we get back to HQ." He said simply with a knowing look. "Pack up the tucks." Robertson nodded reluctantly and walked off as Hanson turned towards Greg. He spoke before he gave Greg an opportunity.

"I don't know how you ran things on Team One," He said quietly as he looked into Greg's eyes. "But here, we stay behind the shields when we negotiate and when the subject is threatening someone, we call Scorpio," He quieted his tone even more before speaking again. "no matter how much we identify with them." Greg sat quietly as Hanson continued. "We might have been able to save that guy but we're not going to know that now because I had to tell Drake to take the shot when you lost sight of the job." He said coldly. Greg felt like a child as he was lectured, he knew that he deserved it. "Don't let that happen again Sergeant," he said strongly as he took a step backwards. "because next time you might not be so lucky and next time you might not have an opportunity to earn back our trust." He said simply as he walked off towards the trucks leaving Greg to sit alone with his bruised ribs and his shattered ego.

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><p><em>I know, I know, cruel. Let me know what you think though. Sorry again for the last chapter being terrible. I've been trying to fix it all week and I just can't get it to work. I just needed to get done with this call that way I can move on to the real juicy stuff...more to come soon. Thanks for the patience and the reads and the reviews!<em>


	14. Chapter 14

To Hell and Back-Chapter 14

_Thanks for the reviews, I'm glad you guys are liking this even though I haven't been very reliable at getting these chapters out as quickly as I started. This chapter was half outlined, half based on some things I set up in the last chapter so tell me what you think. I still don't own Flashpoint, though I keep having this recurring dream that I write for the show...a sign maybe? :)_

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><p>"Even if you didn't see the escalation, everyone else did," Robertson looked down at the transcript in front of him and began reading "'He's escalating. Get behind the shield, Parker.' Hanson warned you, a few times, that he saw threat but you completely ignored him." He was trying to keep his voice even but it was obvious that he was frustrated. Greg took a breath but his ribs ached at the movement.<p>

"I saw the escalation, it wasn't a matter of me not seeing the signs, I misinterpreted them." Greg gingerly leaned forward trying to find a more comfortable way to sit. "I thought it was going to go another direction," He also glanced through the transcript and started to read. "Right here, 'Promise me they'll be taken care of,' 'tell me they'll be okay,' 'Make sure they know I loved them,'" He looked up and flinched as he stretched too far. "It's all signs of suicide. I thought he was going to try and directly harm himself and I chose to stay in my position in order to try and stop him. He didn't show any of the signs of going suicide by cop." He tried to explain his rationale but he knew that it was weak at best.

"He didn't know we had a sniper on him, he never asked." Rose said gently. "If he was thinking about suicide by cop then he thought it would be Hanson or Lee."

"What does that matter?" Lee asked with a bit of resignation. "He was planning on killing himself by one means or another. What could we have done differently to maybe have had a better resolution?" He refocused them as they all collectively took a breath in the silence that followed. It was a brief reprieve as all eyes fell on Greg again.

"Listen Sergeant," Robertson said a bit more gently than he had been speaking. "I'm not saying you're the only one to blame here, and I'm not trying to point fingers," He paused again and Greg could see in his expression that he was really trying to be gentle. "But I saw what went down from my perch." He shrugged and looked at the wall somewhere over Greg's shoulder. "If you're doing face-to-face, you've got to stay behind the shields, it's simple as that." The other guys nodded slowly in agreement.

"Yeah, I mean, it was my and Hanson's job to protect you and we can't do that if you go off and don't tell anyone what you're planning." Lee shrugged, a note of frustration in his tone as Greg internally chided himself for forgetting that this wasn't _his _team and they didn't know what to expect of him.

"And if you were behind the shield when he raised the gun we could have held off for a minute before calling for a Sierra shot because everyone would have been protected." Rose added without looking directly at anyone. Greg nodded and took a few shallow breaths as he tried to figure out what to say.

"You guys aren't wrong." He said sincerely as he tried to look at each of their eyes. "If I'd stayed behind the shield then things would have gone differently...I'm just not sure that they would have ended differently." No one spoke so Greg continued. "I think that there were two options in this man's mind: he would be walking out with an assurance that he'd get to keep his kids, or he'd be dying there and they'd be getting the insurance money." Greg thought that he saw some of the men understanding the predicament and the mindset. "If I'd stayed behind the shield we might have just been delaying the inevitable, at least with me moving up and getting closer to him and developing that bond we had a chance." Greg finished as he slowly leaned back in his seat. Hanson nodded as he spoke up for the first time since they'd entered the briefing room.

"Anything else to say about this one?" He prompted, knowing the answer in the men's faces. "Okay, finish up your reports and get them to Winnie." He looked at his watch. "Either do them tonight or get in early tomorrow." He nodded and the men knew it was their sign to leave, even though Greg knew that he wasn't included in that dismissal. He stayed sitting in his chair as Hanson collected the papers from the table. Robertson hung back from the other men for a moment.

"Sergeant, I just wanted to apologize for how I acted on scene earlier, It was inappropriate. It's just...kids, you know?" He said simply as Greg nodded. He knew that Robertson had a son, he wasn't sure how old but he thought he was around the same age as the boys in the apartment.

"I understand." Greg said with a slight smile. "I'll see you tomorrow, huh?" Robertson nodded and walked past Hanson as he left the room. Hanson stayed standing as he leaned against a wall and looked towards Greg with his arms crossed across his chest.

"You have something to say, Nate?" Greg asked. He tried not to let the frustration show but the day...the week...the month, year, lifetime...had really started to take it's toll and all Greg wanted was to get out of HQ and have a good night of mind numbing drinking.

"You really identified with this guy." He stated, almost a tone of sympathy in his voice. Greg nodded as he also stood slowly.

"Yeah, yeah I did." He said simply as he tried to find a good way to rest his arms without them touching his chest and ribs.

"You lost control of that negotiation." He again stated simply. Greg started to shrug but felt a pulling in his chest and decided against it.

"Obviously I did." He agreed. "I've got to get a little distance from it and look at it with fresh eyes in the morning and I'll try to see where I lost it." He offered as he started inching to the door. Hanson nodded, a sign that he was done, though reluctantly but Greg couldn't get a break as he walked out of the room and almost directly into Drake and Hollaran.

"Parker, I heard you took a bullet today." Hollaran said with a bit of shock on his face as he approached Greg.

"Yes sir, in the vest though. I'll have a nasty bruise but nothing major." Greg said simply as he looked towards Drake. "How was SIU?" He shrugged. Drake was always talkative so his silence was a bit worrying to Greg. "That bad?" He asked with a bit of a smile.

"You know, either way I was screwed." He shrugged again and looked at his feet. "I mean, on one hand I didn't get Scorpio but I took the shot anyway; on the other hand I let you get shot while I was covering you, so..." Greg nodded and squeezed his shoulder gently.

His least favorite part of the job was needing to call Scorpio. He understood that it was necessary sometimes, it was a fact that you had to accept in this job, but he hated dooming someone else to the lifetime of guilt that would follow them. Even though it was their job, even though it might have been justified and they might have been given an order to shoot, that guilt would be there and Greg saw it just starting to develop with Drake. He was young, he hadn't taken too many fatal shots, but at some point he'd look back over his life and wonder it he was really the good guy. Drake nodded and sensed that he wasn't supposed to stay any longer for the conversation. He excused himself and went into the briefing room with Hanson, closing the door and leaving Greg alone with the Commander.

"Do you realize that you could have been killed today, Parker?" Hollaran asked seriously. Greg just wanted to be done with the day, with all the lectures and the guilt but he bit his tongue and nodded.

"I misjudged the situation, sir." He said simply, in the calmest voice he could manage. He saw most of Team Three exited the locker room and heading down the hallway towards them as Hollaran sighed and looked at his watch.

"If we weren't short handed, you'd be taking some time off after this one and we'd again be wondering about your leadership the past few months." He said coldly as he glanced at his watch again. "Think about that next time you decide to be a lone wolf." He turned and walked towards his office as Greg closed his eyes for a moment and tried to will himself to go to the locker room and change. He just wanted to go home but he also realized that Team One was probably changing as their shift had just ended. He weighed his options: face Team One and get home sooner or wait it out somewhere and hope that they didn't come looking for him. He shook his head as he started to slowly make his way towards the locker room. He was right, Team One was in the middle of changing and the minute that he walked in conversation among them seemed to stop.

"Sarge, you okay?" Spike broke the silence as Greg slowly made his way over to his locker. "We heard that you took a bullet on call." There was sincere concern in his voice as Ed watched him closely.

"I'm fine, vest took the worst of it." Greg explained as he tried to move as little as possible as he changed. He felt Ed and Spike's eyes on his back as he changed but he hoped that ignoring them would be enough of a sign that he didn't want to talk. The silence was growing tense as they heard a knocking on the locker room door.

"What's taking you guys so long? Spike, are you braiding Ed's hair again?" Jules cracked the door ever so slightly as Spike called out.

"Decent." She came into the locker room cautiously and, after seeing that it was only the three of them, relaxed.

"Sarge, I heard-"

"I'm fine Jules." He said before she could finish, his frustration reaching a peak. He tried to smile quickly and turn the comment into more of a joking response but he wasn't sure how well it went over. "I'm sorry, just tired and sore." He explained as she nodded. He had managed to get his feet in his sneakers and had leaned forward as much as his pain would allow but he still couldn't get close to tying them.

"Let me, Sarge." Jules said as she leaned down and quickly tied his shoes.

'Thanks, Jules." He said softly. He hated being hurt mostly because he hated needing other people to do things for him. His train of thought was interrupted as Sam ran into the locker room.

"Sam, what's up?" Ed asked urgently as he saw the flushed look on his face. Sam looked at everyone's face closely and then shook his head.

"I swear I saw Wordy's van out in the parking garage." He said as he rubbed his eyes and looked closely at everyone again to make sure he wasn't missing him. "I...I guess I just got excited that maybe he was back and we'd hear about the team." He said as an embarrassed blush moved up his neck. Everyone was feeling the same way as Sam was, they just wouldn't admit how much they needed the team to get back together. Ed checked his cell phone and seemed to read a text before raising his gaze and bounding out of the locker room with strong paces.

"What was that about?" Sam asked as he looked toward Greg. He tried to shrug but again felt his chest pulsating and radiating pain. "What happened to you?" Sam asked again, out of the loop and a few steps behind everyone else. Spike smiled slightly as Greg shook his head. Jules eventually explained to Sam as they all gathered their things and began to head out of the locker room. Greg was a few steps behind the rest of them but everyone froze as they saw the scene in front of them.

Ed had his back to them as he spoke to Wordy but in the few weeks that they hadn't seen him, Wordy had seemed to change. His eyes were bloodshot and dark circles seemed to encase them as he rubbed at them. He was trying desperately to hide the tears but they were evident to all of them. His face was red and his body tense as he tried to keep from crying, his hands shoved inside the pockets of his jeans. Ed seemed frozen, his hand grasping Wordy's upper arm in a comforting gesture. Spike was the one that broke the moment as he took a few steps forwards, concern obvious on his face and in his tone.

"Wordy..." His head shot up as he nodded towards the group and mumbled something about dinner before turning his back and quickly walking from the SRU. Spike made a move to follow him but Ed held out his arm, stopping them from going any further.

"Ed, what's going on?" Sam asked, trying to keep his voice calm. Greg couldn't remember seeing Ed like this, he looked completely and utterly shocked as he took a few deep breaths, seemingly ignoring everyone for a moment. He looked up, not at anyone in particular and seemed to choke a single word, the one word that none of them wanted to hear.

"Parkinson's."

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><p><em>I feel the need to remind everyone that this is NOT how I want the new season to go. NOT WHAT I WANT! Wordy is my favorite, so trust me, not what I want. I know I'm being really cruel...really cruel to everyone at this point but remember, the story is titled "To Hell and Back," there will be an "and back" part...soonish. Tell me what you think. And don't worry, you guys will get your Ed awesomeness soon, really soon. Okay, please don't Scorpio me, not yet. <em>


	15. Chapter 15

To Hell and Back-Chapter 15

_I'm glad you guys are liking this, it's tough to keep suspense up for a long story and I just realized that I'm going to be exceeding my longest story by a pretty fair amount when I finish this...awesome. Alrighty though, I know you guys want Ed, I hear you (haha, I'm so punny sometimes) and he'll be here soon, but first we've got this chapter...I still don't own Flashpoint. Oh yeah, lots of spoilers here, "Jumping at Shadows," "Exit Wounds," "Follow the Leader," "Fault Lines," maybe more but you catch the drift._

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><p>"Wordy, it's Greg. Please call me back buddy, we've got to talk, I just want to know that you're okay..." He regretted his words immediately as he spoke into the answering machine. <em>Of course he's not okay, idiot. <em>"Just, please, call me back...I'm going to try your home phone." Greg said, resolving himself to keep calling until he got through. He sat on his couch, the whiskey sat on the table, a shot already poured. It took every fiber of his being to resist taking that shot the moment he locked his door but he knew that he couldn't afford to; even though it was the only thing on this mind he knew that he needed to keep dialing the numbers until someone picked up. _I am not abandoning him._

He tried his cell one more time, hoping that Wordy would pick up, knowing that the longer he held off on drinking the more anxious he was getting. He took a few deep breaths to try and clear his head of the alcohol but he felt his ribs ache from the pressure. He dialed the familiar number of Wordy's home phone and heard the multiple rings. He didn't think anyone was going to answer and was preparing himself for the answering machine again when he heard someone pick up.

"Hello?" Shelly's voice flowed from the phone as Greg sat up a bit.

"Hi Shelly, it's Greg." He tried to keep his tone conversational but he knew that relief was evident in his voice.

"Oh hi Greg," She said slowly and a bit louder than she had been speaking. He could tell that Wordy must have been in the room and that she was letting him know who it was. "How are you?" She asked slowly.

"I'm doing okay, Shelly." He said simply before continuing with a knowing voice. "Is he there?"

"Um..." She paused for a moment and Greg could imagine the mouthed conversation they were having, the silent gestures and he heard soft mumbles. He could only imagine how much of a middle man Shelly was playing between the team (who had to have been calling to check on their friend) and her husband (never much a man to complain or to talk about things).

"He...he says that he can't do this again right now..." Her voice was heavy with emotion as she seemed to hesitate a bit. Greg let out a sigh and nodded as she continued. "It's been a really tough day, you know, telling Hollaran and then Ed and the team..."

"I understand Shelly." Greg was sympathetic, he knew what it was like to have a secret that would affect the very essence of your life, and he knew what it was like to tell people for the first time. He hoped that Wordy was listening in as he continued to speak. "I really do understand. Just make sure that he knows he can call me anytime, with anything." He said strongly as he made sure the message got across. "And let him know I'll call later this week."

"Okay Greg, thanks." She seemed relieved as he didn't press for information or push to talk to him.

"And Shelly, that goes for you too. If you need to talk about anything, you have my number." He offered, again with a strong voice.

"Thank you Greg." She exhaled sincerely. He knew how difficult the situation must have been for Shelly. Wordy had always been her pillar of strength, the family provider, near flawless in her eyes and the eyes of their three young children, and now that perfect life was being threatened.

As he hung up the phone and took another breath, he realized that, for the first time in a long time, he didn't want to drink. It really made the most sense not to drink with everything that was going on. He just told Wordy and Shelly to call him anytime and if they did call, he needed to be coherent. He was sure that he'd be under extreme scrutiny, not only from Ed, but form Hollaran and SIU in the coming days and he really needed to be on top of things. No matter how many rational reasons he came up with to prevent him from drinking though, the yearning was so strong. The itching in the back of his throat, the tingling in the tips of his fingers as he thought about the burn of the liquor, the numbness...the numbness was definitely what he wanted the most today though. Between the physical pain from his ribs and all of the things going through his head, he really just wanted it to stop. Everything to stop.

It took a few minutes to get up from the couch as he slowly tried to work his way up without straining any of the tender muscles in his chest but he was vastly unsuccessfully as he hobbled over the kitchen table and took the shot before thinking. _What a day._ He thought as he poured himself another shot and thought back to the morning that felt like an eternity ago. _If Ed got it that quick then it must be obvious._ He thought to himself as he leaned back in his chair a bit. _Or, maybe he just knows you that well._

Ed and Greg had been working together for more than ten years; the SRU was the first place that they'd formally been on a team together, but their days on the streets overlapped often as Ed worked Guns and Gangs and Greg was in Homicide. Ed was always there for him and he almost laughed at the idea that he thought now would be any different. He might have had his week or two of being angry and rightfully betrayed but Greg knew that it wouldn't stay that way and somewhere even deeper down, he knew that Ed would notice the drinking at some point; he didn't doubt that every member of Team One would eventually put together the pieces, he just knew that Ed would be the first. He took a few more shots in quick succession hoping to block out the memories of his friend, now merging with other memories of other friends, different times.

He got up from the table and walked slowly to his new favorite hiding spot, the cabinet under the sink and bent down to grab the second bottle only to nearly fall over from the pain in his chest. He stood up and leaned against the counter as he tried to breathe and center himself, dizzy form the alcohol and the pain. It took a few minutes and some ingenuity for him to eventually get the second bottle and get back to the table without falling over. His ribs ached as he thought of the irony. He was hit in the vest and he was probably in more pain than he'd been when he was shot in the arm. The pain was definitely undeniable on both occasions but for some reason that one seemed more bearable.

_ "Shooter! Shooter! Take cover!" Ed and Wordy's voices mixed over the radio but Greg was in his own world of pain as a bullet sliced through his arm and pummeled into the back of his vest._

_ "Medic! Greg!" Ed was yelling over the gunshots as Wordy also yelled and pulled Greg the rest of the way behind cover. _

_ "The boss is hit! We're under fire!" Wordy yelled as he tried to establish if they were protected._

_ "Where is it? Let me see." Wordy asked as gently as he could in a command. _

_ "Greg! Greg!" Ed was still yelling, still looking for some conformation that everyone was still with him._

_ "I'm okay. I'm okay" Greg mumbled as Wordy poked around his arm and his back, looking over him carefully while still ducking behind the dumpster._

_ "Took one in the arm, one in the vest!" He yelled into the radio as he squeezed at Greg's bleeding arm. _

_ "Boss, we're gonna get you out of here." Ed was determined now, they could hear it in his voice as he spoke with conviction they rarely heard. _

_ "Take this." Wordy offered a small patch of gauze. Greg wondered where he'd pulled that out of but followed his orders and applied pressure. _

_ "Wordy, you got a visual?" _

_ "Yeah, it's got to be coming form the overhead walkway!"_

_ "I see him, Sam status?" _

_ "Almost there." _

_ "No, no we need to find those bombs." Greg mumbled again, not wanting his team to lose sight of the goal and the risks. _

_ "I hear you but I'm not listening." Ed took command now and no one would dispute his orders as they refocused and let the adrenaline boost kick in. "Sam, there's a door east of us, take the walkway, let's get this guy." _

_ "Copy that." _

_ "Isn't right boss." Wordy said softly as he leaned in and squeezed at his arm harder. Pain shot up into his shoulder and his tried to flinch away but Wordy didn't let up his grasp. _

_ "What do you mean?"_

_ "I'm the one that's supposed to take the hits." Greg laughed, the moment lightened as gunshots rang out from somewhere above them. _

That day had been long and hard, painful and emotional but he'd gotten through it and far more successfully than he had gotten through today. He dropped his head and let it hang as he remembered the call from this afternoon. _Where did I lose it?_ He questioned himself for the umpteenth time as he wondered when he'd lost sight of the negotiation and when he'd lost control. Part of him thought it was right from the start, he knew that he shouldn't have been out there; he couldn't focus, he identified too much, he was too emotion, and he was stupid. Maybe he'd been able to convince the team that it was a calculated risk stepping up from behind he shields, but he was having trouble convincing himself that it was anything more than a stupid move that, maybe on another day, with another team, in a different mindset, could have worked.

He felt his vision darken as he took more shots, eventually giving up on the glass and taking swigs from the bottle. He hadn't drunk this much recently, in fact he wasn't sure he'd drunk this much at one time even when he was drinking years ago, but he didn't particularly car because the numbness that he so longed for wasn't coming. Instead, more memories flooded his mind's eye as he tried to escape them. The happy memories were almost worse than the bad at this point, a reminder of what he had lost.

_Another long day, another difficult balance between negotiations and tactics but this one had a happy ending. Everyone was captured, everyone was going to be okay, everyone had done their jobs flawlessly. _

_"Okay, no way, no way. I'm tired, I'm going home, I'm not doing the Greg Parker review from hell, simple as that." Ed stood as Greg approached with a box and a smile. He threw a bag of chips at Ed and saw smiles of shock come to everyone's faces._

_ "What the-" Wordy's happy confusion was evident as Ed passed him a bag of chips. _

_ "What about the review?" Jules actually seemed confused as Greg smiled again._

_ "You guys want a review? How about this?" He pulled out a six pack of beer and was met by smiles and happy affirmations. "Officers Callaghan and Braddock preformed admirably in securing assigned areas and gathering key intel without any public displays or affection." He swore that they both blushed a bit as everyone laughed._

_ "Officer Scaratti's skill in computers and other geek toys was augmented today with a spectacular take-down of a dangerous subject." Spike was proud of himself and it showed as he smiled widely and everyone praised him._

_ "Officer Young provided crucial back-up and insight into the psychology of yet another subject." Lou nodded towards Greg as he continued down the table. _

_ "And Officer Wordsworth...well he's just plain and simple the toughest S.O.B I've ever had the privilege to command." Everyone laughed harder as Wordy thanked Greg for the compliment and all eyes fell on Ed._

_ "And that leaves us with Officer Ed Lane, who, truth be told, has always been a bit of a problem for Team One." They all laughed as he rolled his eyes a bit. _

_ "Let's have it." Greg sat on the edge of the table and reached into the box for his soda. _

_ "Because, when everybody's struggling, he's pushing through; when everyone's lost, he finds our way; and when we falter, he picks us up. Problem is after he's done all that, who picks him up?" He spoke softly as Ed looked away, the truth evident in Greg's words. "You saved that kid today Eddie, and at one time or another, you've saved every person in this room." Everyone nodded as Wordy patted his arm. "So...today is Ed Lane's fifth anniversary as team leader."_

They had raised their drinks that day, toasted to another five years as they all rode the high of their successes and their prime glory. They were able to keep it up for a little while, they'd fallen into a false sense of security and it was only harder to deal with once it was shattered. Even though they all thought that Greg was their rock, the unflinching leader of the team, he knew the truth: he was only inches from a slippery slope without his team. He didn't know when it had happened but if the past weeks had proven anything, it was that he couldn't last without them...he wouldn't last without them. He'd end up in a bar somewhere, one of those cops that told the great stories that no one actually believed because, why should they, he was just a drunk.

And that's all he was anymore. He couldn't call himself a leader, he'd failed his team and lost command. He couldn't call himself a friend, he'd betrayed those people, the people that trusted him and confided in and relied on him. He could call himself a cop but he wondered how much longer he'd be able to live the double life he'd taken on and he wondered when the time came, if he'd be able to pull himself up and keep the job that he loved so much. And most of all, he couldn't call himself a father. He'd met a father today, a father who was willing to fight to the death for his kids and though Greg liked to think that he would have done the same for Dean if the opportunity would have been given to him, the fact of the matter was that he didn't. He was no father, he was a man who had a son thousands of miles away who wanted nothing to do with him. He thought that he had a family ten years ago, but then they left him; he thought that he'd found a new kind of family in his team but again, history repeated itself and he let them down. He was no father. He was nothing but a ruiner of bonds, friendships, families, and lives.

Dean's face invaded his mind as he remembered the last time he'd seen him, probably the last time he'd ever see him unless his perspective ever changed and he sought Greg out again. The bottle was growing lighter as Greg drank heavily, trying to get rid of his face, of his eyes and his voice and the memories.

_It was relatively early in the shift when he walked towards Winnie's station, like usual to get any messages, but it was far from any day as he was greeted with a memory. It was like Dean was plucked right from his subconscious and placed in front of him, ten years older, sure, but still his boy. He couldn't help but be excited...overjoyed beyond words but that only made the reality harsher when it hit him. They were on a call and he knew that he needed to focus now but it was obvious he was distracted and angry. _

_ "You alright?" Ed glanced over from the passenger seat, concern on his face._

_ "Not now Eddie."He growled._

_ "Greg..."_

_ "Dean wants me to drop the lawsuit. He says he's sixteen, he doesn't want to be forced to see me, he's already got a stepdad that he loves back home, he's already got a family...he's planning on taking his stepdad's name." But Ed had always been there for him. Backing him on the call, taking control while he was trying to get information from the 911 operator, even back at HQ after the debriefing and the SIU interview, Ed was there to give him the little extra push he needed. _

_ "Hey," Ed nodded his head towards Dean as the rest of the team smiled and backed away. "Come on." Ed prompted as Greg turned, shocked that the boy...his boy had sat there for hours during the call and during the fallout._

_ "Hey, sorry man, sorry I had to take off like that before." Greg tried desperately to find the words that came so easily to him every day but his mind was in overdrive as he tried to take everything in._

_ "That girl...she okay?" Greg smiled at the sentiment as he subtly looked towards Winnie and saw her nod._

_ "Yeah, yeah, yeah, she's gonna be okay." Greg assured with a smile._

_ "That's good." Dean nodded and a silence grew between them. Greg wasn't sure what to say, what not to say, what he felt and what he wanted to feel. He was lost, speechless, a very rare occurrence but a paralyzing one for him. But there was Ed again to back him up, as always. _

_ "Hey buddy, you remember me, Ed?" _

_ "He used to have hair." Greg joked, he needed to say something. _

_ "Ah, yeah, we used to go over to your place,"_

_ "That's right." _

_ "Clark?" _

_ "That's right, you guys were the same age, good." _

_ "You guys had that golf course behind your place, right? Yeah, we used to steal golf balls when people got them on the green." _

_ "So how's the life of crime going?" _

_ "I've pulled back a bit." _

_ "That's good to hear. Good to see you again." _

_ "You too." They shook hands and Greg realized for the first time that he was speaking to a young man. He wasn't a boy anymore, his handshake seemed strong, confident. Greg was proud. _

_ "We'll see you later." _

_ "You hungry? I'll buy you a pizza. _

_ "You got any pasta, I could make something..." _

_ "You cook?" _

_ "Well, I cook pasta."_

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><p><em>I know, really long chapter, really crappy ending but you'll see my angle soon enough. I didn't want to split this, I actually had two more flashbacks planned but took them out because I thought it was getting a bit much. Let me know what you think. Thanks for the reviews everyone, I try to answer all my reviews but some people are either anonymous or they disabled PMing, so thanks! Okay, let me know what you think. My goal is to have this done by the weekend...I don't know if it's possible but I'm sure as hell gonna try!<em>


	16. Chapter 16

To Hell and Back-Chapter 16

_Wow, 71 reviews...wow. Only my Sam story has more reviews (and I'm not surprised...it was about Sam after all) but the reviews I've gotten on this story have been really really well written and awesome and well thought out. They really do make my day. I'm taking too many credits next fall so I'm taking this summer spanish class in the mornings (never do summer classes if you can avoid them, it physically hurts) but it completely makes my day to come home from that torture and see some great reviews that make me laugh. Thanks so much for that everyone. Okay, here we go, I still don't own Flashpoint though._

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><p>As he stepped into the SRU, only for an instant, Ed felt like his heart was in his throat again. It felt as though he was being watched by someone as he smiled and made chatter with people, as he sat with the team and waited for the briefing to begin. He'd been doing this job for years. Burnout was not uncommon for SRU officers and many didn't last as long as Ed did but he'd made these halls a second home, a second home shattered over the past weeks. He knew that it couldn't last forever; for so long he'd used his home as a refuge from the bloodshed and the guilt that burdened him at the SRU but over the past years these halls had become more and more alluring as he used them as a reason and a safe haven from the tenuous life he was living when the uniform came off. It was a tricky balance, one that he thought he'd mastered, but he was obviously wrong.<p>

It struck him so clearly that day during the re-qualification that he felt like he'd been slapped. His wife was in labor, it was as simple as that. He had been with Wordy when his wife went into labor with Lilly, their middle daughter, and in an instant he was transformed form the cool and collected SRU super officer to a blabbering, weak kneed, husband and father, not sure what to do with himself as a rush of emotions flooded him. Ed had laughed that day as he watched his friend try to figure out what to do first (eventually needing Ed to give him a hint to get in his car) but he couldn't say that he was any different when Clark was born, he just had the luxury of that happening in the middle of the night when he could freak out in his own home. When Sophie was in labor with Izzy though, he made a choice. Sophie had made it very clear, the family or the job, and he stayed at the SRU; at least until the psych evaluations gave him some perspective.

As much as he despised Toth and, at the moment, Greg and Hollaran, he had gotten a much needed dose of perspective. He didn't really blame Greg now, but there was definitely still some lingering anger in his blood. He sat in his chair in the briefing room, ironically the same chair that everyone sat in during the evaluations, and as he looked off towards the blank chair in front of him, he remembered the conversation clearly.

_"All the lives you couldn't save. All the times your best wasn't good enough. All the times you were too late. What do you do with all that guilt?" He thought of his family, though the images in his head mixed and rotated between Sophie and Clark and the unborn baby, and his team. "Even heros crack." _

He forced himself to take a few deep breaths and refocus. That was a bad day, compounded on top of a few bad days and weeks, but he was changed now. Though he hated to admit it, the time off had done him some good. He had time to reconnect with Clark and see the really wonderful young man he was growing into, he got the chance to sit with Sophie, just sit with her and stroke her hair and whisper loving thoughts in her ear, and he had time with the baby. Even those late night feedings and all the hours of sleep lost to him walking around the room just holding her until she fell back asleep were priceless to him. He felt a sense of the need to protect again, it had happened when Clark was born too; he felt like he needed to clear the streets of all danger before his daughter could walk and see and understand the terrible things that people did to each other. And he knew that he needed to be there for her. Though his job wasn't a particularly safe one, and it wasn't like he took unnecessary risks to begin with, he knew that now, more than ever, he needed to come home safe.

"Morning everyone." Rolie walked into the room and glanced up from a folder as he walked to the head of the table. Jules and Spike sat next to each other beside Ed and Donna sat on the other side of the table. The new guy, Hendricks, was at a rookie evaluation and wouldn't be in for the day. "Alright, we're short handed today so we're not going to be primary on any calls, we'll be picking up slack here or backing Team Three if anything comes in." He explained as he looked around the table. "You guys hear about Wordy?" He asked gently.

"Yeah." Ed answered for the rest of them as Rolie nodded.

"Listen, I know this tough on you guys," He was speaking softly, also a bit torn up by the news. Though he hadn't worked directly with Wordy in almost four years, he was still a friend. "but we don't have all the answers yet. He's getting another evaluation and once he gets on meds he might be able to come back." He tried to assure them but they only gave halfhearted nods.

"Sergeant," Rolie jumped a bit as he saw Hollaran at the door to the briefing room. He didn't hear him sneak up and smiled. "a word." Hollaran said in an even tone, leaving nothing for the team to try and decode. Rolie nodded and walked into the hall, following Hollaran away form the door. They all shared looks as everyone's eyes shifted to Ed.

"Did you talk to Wordy last night?" Spike asked quietly. He'd tried to get through, like Jules had but they both got a story from Shelly about him being out with the girls. Ed nodded.

"Yeah." He paused for a second and took a breath. "Don't take him not talking to you guys personally, he just had a really bad day and he just wasn't ready to keep talking about it." They all nodded with understanding. Donna knew what was going on but she also knew that she wasn't included in this conversation, even if she was part of the team, she wasn't a part of the family they'd developed.

"What did he say?" Jules hesitantly asked. She didn't want to put Ed on the spot and have him betray Wordy's confidence but there were a lot of unanswered questions that she really wanted some answers to. "Is he okay?" Ed shrugged.

"There's not much more than what Rolie said." He shrugged again and thought back to the conversation. "The doctors don't know how bad it is yet or how rapidly it's progressing, if medication will help, if he'll be able to come back to work, he's got a consult with another specialist soon." They nodded as Rolie and Hollaran came back into the room.

"Sergeant Cray and Sabine are going to fill in on Team Three today." Hollaran said mechanically. "Because Drake took lethal action yesterday and he's been on the job less than a year he's taking the mandatory day off..." He explained as Donna nodded. "and we need to field at least one full team a shift." Ed could tell that he was holding something back as he stood stiffly in the door.

"Why do you need R...Sergeant Cray?" He caught himself, needing to make sure that he didn't show any issues with the chain of command (despite the fact that he'd been one of Rolie's bosses only a few years ago). Hollaran shifted his weight as he looked somewhere vaguely towards the center of the table.

"Sergeant Parker didn't show up for work this morning." Ed raised his eyebrows as he made sure he heard the words correctly. "He didn't call Winnie or anyone on his team and he's not picking up his cell or home phone." The looks around the table were that of pure shock. Greg never missed work. He never took sick days and the one day that he was even going to be late he made sure he called. "Have any of you heard from him?" Hollaran asked, a bit of hope in his voice. They all shook their heads as they pulled out their phones to check for messages. Ed was thinking quickly as Hollaran nodded and turned to leave.

"Commander," He didn't think he was shouting but it came across that way. He took a breath to calm himself before speaking again. "Since we can't go on a call with only the three of us and we can't really run drills, do you think we can patrol?" He tried to pitch the idea best he could thinking on his feet and he saw slight hesitation in Hollaran's face. "We won't go looking for anything big, just get the SRU out there. It'll be some good press, we'll make sure that the citizens know we're there and that the criminals also know we're there, hell, maybe we can save some cats from tress while we're at it." Ed smiled as he saw Hollaran do the same.

"Save the cats for the fire department." Hollaran said with a smile before looking at them seriously again. "Don't get yourselves into anything too big, we don't have a lot of manpower today." He warned them before giving Ed an extra nod and leaving with Rolie and Donna a few steps behind.

"He didn't call in?" Spike repeated the words with disbelief. Ed took a few breaths as he bit his lip and thought about their options. Blonde hair came into view as Sam walked past the briefing room and Ed sprung up.

"Sam!" He called as Sam stopped and turned on his heel. He must have seen the carefully concealed worry in Ed's face because he immediately went into the briefing room.

"What's wrong?" He asked seriously. Though his body looked tired from the long shift he'd just finished, it was obvious that his adrenaline was already pumping. They quickly explained what Hollaran had just told them as Ed stood at the head of the table.

"He didn't call? He's not picking up his phone? Nothing?" He asked with a bit of disbelief. Ed nodded.

"Yeah."

"Is there a chance he's in trouble again?" Spike asked with concern. Ed shook his head.

"No, I don't think that's the problem." He said vaguely as they all looked at him with wide eyes.

"Well?" Jules asked frustratedly as he said no more. He shook his head slowly.

"I don't know for sure and I don't want to jump to conclusions." He said simply as he looked at a map hanging on the wall. "Sam, you up for helping out?" He asked as Sam immediately sprung up and went to the map followed by Jules and Spike.

"Okay, you two are going to go south." Ed looked at Jules and Spike and pointed to a large nature preserve by a lake. "This is a pretty secluded place, a lot of people go there to clear their heads, there are a lot of trails but I'd consider starting with the blue and orange trails." He said vaguely again as they got the hint. They were on duty and they couldn't directly be looking for Greg.

"There were some reports of teenagers doing drugs in the woods there a few months ago." Spike threw out as they all nodded.

"Good, well you make sure none of that's going on." Ed said with a nod. They both lingered in the room wanting to hear the rest of the plan but under Ed's stare they eventually relented and headed towards the trucks.

"Sam, can you go east to this address?" Ed leaned over and wrote a street name and a number down on a slip of paper. Sam looked at it, unfamiliar with the address. He shrugged.

"Yeah, wanna tell me what it means?" He asked with a perfected stubborn stare. Ed was the one that broke the eye contact as he looked at the map again.

"That was his house from ten years ago when he was married and Dean was with him." He said simply. "It's kind of a long shot but check it out, I think I remember a park a few blocks away we used to take the boys to, go to the elementary school...just keep an eye out." Ed explained as Sam nodded and slipped the paper into his pocket.

"And where are you going?" He asked softly.

"I'm not going to be in radio contact." He said simply. If something comes up that you guys can't handle than call me." Ed said firmly as Sam nodded and left the briefing room. Once he was sure Sam was out of earshot, Ed grabbed his cell phone from the table and dialed a familiar number. It rang twice before being answered.

"Wordy, how you doing?" He asked quickly as he looked at the map and made a list in his mind.

"You know." He said softly. "What's up?"

"I hate to do this to you Wordy, but if you've got some time we can really use your help." Ed could already feel the guilt gnawing at him as Wordy responded.

"Yeah, what's up?" He asked again, concern mixed with adrenaline and eagerness in his tone.

"I need you to check a few places for me." Ed said, still vague, not wanting to actually form the words.

"Yeah, where and for what?" He asked as Ed heard him rummaging for a piece of paper. Ed let out a breath and closed his eyes for a moment.

"Wordy, this stays between us, you hear me?" He asked seriously.

"Yeah Ed, what's wrong?" Concern was more evident in his voice now.

"The boss didn't show this morning, didn't call in, won't pick up his phone." Ed knew that Wordy understood the seriousness of the situation but he didn't know the whole story. "I've got everyone out looking but I need you to check some places, you got a pen?"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever we need." He said sincerely. Ed took a breath again and closed his eyes.

"Check Mickey's first, it's on third avenue. And then there's this place over on the corner of Eagle and Ridge, it's called The Eagle's Bar. Um...there's a place, it's either on thirtieth or thirty-first street, it's called the Lion's Pub." Ed tried to remember any other places he'd found Greg years ago but those were the main ones.

"There something you not telling me Ed?" Wordy asked with worry. Ed let out a sigh.

"I really don't know buddy...I really don't know." Ed said sincerely as he grabbed his gear. "You okay taking those spots?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'll call you if I find him." Wordy said.

"Copy." Ed said as he hung up the phone.

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><p><em>Kind of short, more of a transition but the moment you guys have eagerly been waiting for it right around the corner...More to come soon.<em>


	17. Chapter 17

To Hell and Back-Chapter 17

_You guys have been really patient considering how long this story is and how it doesn't exactly move quickly. I hope that this lives up to your expectations, I usually like writing dialogue but I've also never had a resolution purely based on conversation...you'll see what I'm getting at in a few chapters. For now, stay cool (seriously, my car said it was 100 degrees, Fahrenheit obviously) and enjoy and review. I do not own Flashpoint though again, that dream I was in the writing room!_

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><p>Everything hurt. That was the first and only thing on Greg's mind at the moment as he came around to a pounding in his head. He laid as still as possible, even the thought of moving hurt as he tried to open his eyes. He only raised his lids a fraction of an inch before quickly shutting them again, the light shining directly into his dilated pupils and the room spinning rapidly. He took a few breaths as he felt the warm rays of sun on his face...<em>wait, how does that angle work?<em> He tried to figure out as he moved his head to the right a bit, only finding more hot sun. _The windows should be on my left...not above me..._He slid himself over a bit, wanting to get out of the sun, but he felt something poking into his back. _Where did my shirt go?_ He wondered vaguely as he tried to figure out why it felt like he was laying on a bed of screws.

He let out a low groan as he squinted his eyes open again for a moment to try and get his bearings. He had, apparently, blacked out and then proceeded to pass out on the floor of his living room, laying on top of what looked like pasta. _Rotini, where the hell did that come from? _He thought to himself as he tried to take a few breaths and clear his head. He wiggled his toes and tried to move his hands and establish that he wasn't really hurt, just achy, but when he got to his right hand he found something heavy in it. He turned his head a bit and opened his eyes to try and see his hand, but felt his heart race as he saw the glint in the sun. He swore that he stopped breathing as he blinked rapidly, not believing his eyes. His right hand was wrapped around the grip of his gun, index finger resting on the trigger and the hammer cocked back, ready to fire. _Oh shit._

"Greg? Come on Greg, open the door. It's only me and I just want to talk." Ed banged loudly on the door a few times as Greg flinched from the noise and his tone of barely concealed worry. He stayed as still as possible, hardly breathing for fear of giving himself away as his mind raced a mile a minute. _How long has Ed been out there? What time is it? What happened last night? Why the hell is my loaded gun in my hand?_ His heart sped up again as he thought about the gun and what that meant for him and his mindset last night. He remembered the beginning of the night, some of the things that he was thinking and how that possibly, possibly, could have led to him..._No, no I wouldn't do that._ He tried to convince himself as he felt tears welling in his eyes, his affirmations only halfway convincing.

"Greg? Come on Greg. If you're in there, please just open the door." Ed banged on the door a few more times as Greg tried to block out the sound. It felt like Ed was pounding directly on his brain. He took a breath to try and clear his mind and prioritize. _First things first, Ed's at the door and it doesn't sound like he's about to leave. Deal with him first and then figure out the rest._ He thought to himself as he quietly tried to sit himself up. It took a lot of effort to try and get himself into a sitting position quietly between the spinning room and his sore chest. He glanced down and saw a dark, ugly bruise coloring his entire right side. _That's what you get for taking a bullet point blank._ He thought bitterly to himself. He gently let go of the gun, letting it rest on the floor where it was, almost afraid to touch it. He sat absolutely still for a few moments letting the room stop spinning and making sure that he'd be able to get up without stumbling around; he couldn't let Ed hear him yet. A few pieces of pasta had stuck to his back and he felt the itching sensation as he balanced on his right hand and used his left to swipe them off.

"Listen Greg, I'm not angry, I'm just really worried. Please just open the door and let me see that you're okay." Ed's tone was calmer as he spoke into the door instead of yelling. Greg heard the slight tinge on his negotiation voice but after rethinking the situation he realized that it wasn't unwarranted. He somehow got himself to his feet and tried to tiptoe his way towards the kitchen as Ed continued to speak. "I mean, I've got a ram in the truck and all, but I really don't want to have to explain to Hollaran why I broke down your door." Greg smiled a bit at Ed's sentiment as he quietly gathered all the bottles of whiskey and all the glasses he's used last night and placed them under the sink. The bottle clinked together ever so quietly but Greg knew that Ed had heard and that was absolutely no way that he'd leave now.

"Please Greg, please just let me in, please." Ed tried gently as Greg took a few breaths to calm himself. He took another glance over the apartment. His shirt was still no where to be found and pasta was spread all over the floor but it would have to wait. _The gun._ His heart was pounding as he slowly made his way over to the gun and gingerly picked it up by the barrel.

"Greg, I just want to talk." Ed was speaking even softer now as he seemed to be standing right in front of the door. "I owe you an apology Greg...please let me apologize to your face." Ed sounded a little desperate now and it irked Greg, it wasn't a tone he liked to hear from him. He took a few deep breaths before placing the gun under the sink near the bottles. He didn't want to fish around by the door for the key to his gun safe and he figured that, if anything, he could just try to keep Ed out of the kitchen. Ed was knocking on the door again as Greg quietly walked past the door and to the other end of the room near where the hallway with his bedroom was. He made a little noise as he approached the door from that side of the apartment.

"Eddie, quit banging." Greg said lightly as he undid the locks and opened the door. Surely he looked like hell but Greg figured that it could only help his story. He smiled a bit at Ed who looked at him carefully. There were etchings of relief on his face, but they were quickly being replaced by suspicion.

"You had us really worried Greg," He said calmly, not letting much emotion into his tone. "It's not like you not to call." Greg glanced at the clock on the wall for the first time and saw that it was late in the morning. He let out a sigh and thought quickly.

"I know, I'm sorry about all the undue worry Eddie. I wasn't feeling well this morning and I must have turned off my alarm and I just woke up when you knocked." Ed nodded but he obviously wasn't buying the story as he looked Greg up and down critically again. He was all serious and Greg knew it but he was trying to portray calm and hope that it would rub off on his friend. He was still anxious, trying to figure out what happened last night and what he was thinking and where he would go from here but the different thoughts were overwhelming.

"You think I can come in?" Ed asked seriously. Greg knew that he couldn't refuse, even though he wanted nothing more than to be alone and think.

"It's really a mess." Greg offered without really moving from the door. Ed smiled.

"I don't mind a mess." He said as Greg moved back and let Ed in, holding his breath.

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><p><em>I know, kind of transitional and short and you guys might kill me for the gun thing but it's Ed, you guys like that, right? More to come soon, no guarantees for tonight, I've got a ton of homework, but we'll see. This chapter's for Illyria13 and her crappy week, now that Ed's here I think you're week is going to get better :) <em>


	18. Chapter 18

To Hell and Back-Chapter 18

_Alright, we're going to see how this goes. It's really funny because earlier in this story I ended up combining three chapters that I'd outlined into one chapter and I thought that was going to throw off everything but somehow I got myself ahead of my outline...well now that I'm done trying to figure that mystery out, I hope you guys like this. I'm a little nervous, I've got a lot riding on this conversation and I know you've been looking forward to it, let's hope I don't screw it up! I don't own Flashpoint (unless wishes count)._

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><p>Ed texted Sam and told him to spread the word that he'd found Greg as he quickly surveyed the apartment. Greg locked the door and realized that he wasn't kidding, it really was messier than he'd ever seen it before. Greg was by no means a neat freak but there was dust on the counter tops and on his bookshelf as if they hadn't been touched for weeks. The sink had a few unwashed dishes in it, an anomaly for Greg. He glanced over the couch and saw dry pasta scattered across the floor of the living room and kitchen, a shredded box thrown into the corner of the room.<p>

"What happened here?" He asked half jokingly, half serious as he moved towards the couch Greg gestured at.

"I must have been sleepwalking or something," Greg shrugged slightly as he grabbed a sweatshirt out of his closet to put on over his bare chest and cover up the deep bruise. "you know how it is when you're sick." He added as he gingerly sat down opposite Ed in another chair. Ed nodded, still not completely buying the excuse. He definitely did look sick. His eyes were sunken deeply into their sockets and their warm brown color seemed to be dark and uninviting today. He was playing with his hands, something not uncharacteristic for most people, but definitely a major red flag for Greg Parker. Nervous habits evaporated when you had to negotiate and you needed to portray calmness no matter what was happening. Ed could only assume that if Greg was letting anxiousness show, it had to be really bad.

"Yeah, yeah it sucks being sick." Ed offered gently, unconsciously mirroring the man in front of him. "What's wrong? You feeling any better?" He tried to inquire subtly but he knew that it didn't come across that way.

"A little." Greg shrugged as he leaned back and rubbed his temples. "I think it's just the flu. Headache, nauseous, achy, just all around tired." Ed could tell that he wasn't lying to him, but he also knew what Greg looked like when he was only telling half truths. It was a negotiation tactic, they didn't lie to subjects but sometimes they couldn't tell the whole story or the whole plan to them. Greg had an ideal of living in a whole truth, but reality kept him suspended in a life of half-ways; what was half a truth was also half a lie.

"It's not flu season." Ed tried to keep a conversational tone. He didn't think that Greg would get defensive but he knew that they could go around in circles for hours if he let them. Greg shrugged.

"You know how it is. Things catch up to you when you least expect them." Greg smiled slightly and leaned back in the chair, flinching a bit.

"And your ribs?" Ed asked gently as he saw a bit of pain flash across Greg's face. He couldn't tell if the pain was physical or mental, but he knew it was present.

"Sore...very sore." Greg smiled again as he leaned back in his chair and let out a breath. Ed took a breath and looked around the apartment again, not sure what he was hoping to find.

"Listen Greg," He started off softly, a bit of resignation in his voice as he leaned forward and rested his forearms on his knees. "I want to apologize." He saw Greg getting ready to speak but he shook his head and continued. "We were going through a really tough time and I was angry..." He paused for a moment as he tried to get control of that part of himself and keep his tone even. "But even so, it wasn't right for me to shut you out like I did and to let the anger sit." He paused again and took a breath. "You were doing what you thought was right for the team, I see that now, and even though we don't like the results...it doesn't mean that it was the wrong thing to do." Ed finished and nodded as he took a few breaths.

While pounding on the door all morning, he had thought about what he was going to say to Greg. He hoped that it didn't sound rehearsed because there was true sentiment behind it, he just had so much trouble expressing that side of himself. Ed knew that he would never be a lead negotiator; sure, he knew what to say for the most part but he couldn't get his expression or his tone to match the sentiment or convey anything but a distant and cold individual. Greg wore his emotions on his sleeve, a good and bad thing. The subjects knew that he was sincere, they knew that they weren't being deceived and that they were being heard, but sometimes they were also able to read just a bit too much into what Greg was thinking.

"You don't need to apologize, Eddie." Greg said softly as he leaned forward. "Everyone was emotional and..." Greg paused and seemed to be hesitating, another red flag going up in Ed's mind. "everyone had a right to be, but especially you." He paused again and seemed to be grasping for the words. "I'm sorry, Eddie. I'm so sorry about the way that everything happened and how everything after went down...I'm so sorry." Ed was a little taken aback by Greg's deep regret, especially after he just said that he understood the reason he called in Toth, only leading him to more suspicion. He tried to restrain the probing questions on his mind and nodded.

"We were all emotional Greg, all of us." He stressed his words as he continued. "All of us were upset and we were all worried and angry and stressed, that includes you though. You're a part of that team too and I know that sometimes we forget that you can also be shaken and that you need people as much as we do." Ed was speaking strongly now as he bit his lip. "We made sure we were there for each other, but I know that you needed someone to be there for you and I failed in that task." Ed could see the guilt building behind Greg's eyes as he spoke and he could tell that he was growing more anxious. He nodded slightly.

"You're right Eddie, it was tough at first and then it was tough to hear about Wordy and everything, but I'm doing okay. We're going to get through all of this." Greg wasn't sure why he was bothering to lie. He knew that Ed knew and he was also aware that Ed would not be leaving his apartment today until he got the answers he was looking for. He didn't want to lie to Ed, in fact he knew that it wasn't possible for him to get away with it, but he couldn't stop himself, he couldn't stop the longing in the back of his mind for another drink despite the massive hangover he was trying to power through.

Ed was nodding as he let silence fall between them. He kept hoping that he was wrong, that Greg was still sober and that he wouldn't lie when they were talking face-to-face like this, but he felt his hope slipping away. He'd never been much for the games they sometimes ended up roped into when talking to the subject. It became a test of patience and though snipers were supposed to have the best patience around, he was the exception to the rule. He needed to know that progress was being made and sitting here and talking in circles almost felt counterproductive as they both carefully tiptoed around each other. He took a deep breath and felt his heart speed up ever so slightly as he resolved himself to saying it, right here, right now. He was going to lay it all out on the table and hope for the best.

"Greg, I know you've been drinking again." It was a simple statement said in a confident tone as he let the silence linger for a moment. Greg was shaken to the core, his heart racing and head pounding as he tried to figure out how to respond. He was still a bit slow from the hangover and he was seriously regretting it now as Ed continued.

"You haven't missed a day of work by choice in ten years. You've called every time you were even going to be ten minutes late. You haven't chewed gum in ten years. And you could have gotten yourself killed on that call yesterday." He listed each fact as he saw them as simply and calmly as he could before Greg nodded and looked at him with his usual unfazed expression.

"Eddie, I appreciate the concern, really, it's great to know I have a friend who's always got my back, but you're reading too much into this." Greg spoke slowly, making sure to speak each word clearly and with a slight smile but Ed was having none of it.

"No, I'm not." He said simply again, a tone of confidence with an under layer of regret come from him. "Ten years ago I didn't know you that well, at least not well enough to understand the signs that something was wrong." Ed looked away as he remembered the days that he'd meet up with Greg on crime scenes and would make small talk with him, never taking much notice of the bleary eyes or the slight stagger to the steps that he took. It wasn't until after his family had left, until after he'd met Haley and hit rock bottom that Ed (and the rest of the department) really understood the extent of what was going on.

"I saw you hit rock bottom Greg and I am not going to let that happen again. You're a different person, I'm a different person. I know that you've been drinking again, and you know what Greg?" Ed asked with wide eyes, hope carefully masked beneath his bright blue pupils. "That's okay. It's okay because we're here now and I want to help in whatever way I can. Just, please be honest with me and let me in." Ed finished strongly as Greg looked at him in awe.

He knew that he shouldn't have been surprised, of course Ed knew exactly what was going on, he wouldn't expect anything less from his Team Leader and his best friend. Between his natural skill reading people and his knowledge of Greg's past, he knew that there was no way he was getting out of this meeting; and he wasn't really upset about it. He wanted desperately to drink, to forget, but he knew that he couldn't live his life going from one night of temporary numbness to the next. Forgetting wasn't living but Greg feared what would happen when he began to remember again, when he didn't have the alcohol to numb the pain of the memories. Ed had been waiting for some kind of answer, he was biting his lip as he shifted on the couch. Greg couldn't bring himself to say the words but he nodded.

"I don't know what to say Eddie...I can't lie to you."

"Then don't." Ed said with a shrug. "Start from the beginning." He offered a bit of direction as Greg nodded and rubbed his temples again.

"I bought whiskey the night after the re-qualification, but I didn't drink it then." He added quickly as Ed nodded, un unspoken sign for him to go on. "I...Haley called me a few nights later, I still hadn't touched it but then she...and I just lost it." Greg paused for a long moment as he got lost in his thoughts.

"Greg," Ed prompted him back to the present as he nodded and continued.

"The next day, Spike came back and he was...well he was pissed." Greg said with a slight smile. "But he was really just in pain, it wasn't his fault." He added quickly again as Ed nodded. "I don't know, it kind of got out of hand after that and last night was the worst...I blacked out and passed out on a bed of..." He motioned to the floor and eventually just said it. "a bed of pasta. I didn't wake up until you started banging on the door." He admitted.

"You know this isn't your fault Greg, relapses happen, even to the best of them." He added with a slight smile. Greg nodded, his head still pounding. "You want some aspirin or something?" Ed felt a little sorry for not asking before but he also knew that he needed to get some honest dialogue going before he could afford to disrupt the flow. Greg nodded quickly.

"Oh yeah." He rubbed his temples again as he leaned forward.

"Medicine cabinet?" Ed asked as Greg mumbled the affirmative. He grabbed the bottle and two water bottles from the refrigerator as he brought them over to Greg.

"Thanks." He said as he downed a fist full of pills and started to chug the water. Ed nodded but didn't sit down. Greg looked at him, knowing what was coming.

"Where is it?" He asked seriously in a soft voice. Greg took a breath before motioning towards the kitchen.

"Under the sink." Ed nodded but didn't move.

"Is that all of it?" He asked seriously again as he watched Greg carefully.

"Yeah, it's all down there." After another long pause Ed nodded and headed off towards the kitchen. Greg heard him find the stash and start dumping the half drunken bottles down the sink. Greg had downed a full water bottle and was starting a second as he heard Ed stop what he was doing and seemingly freeze before bending over and picking something up.

"Greg," He called out seriously as he came back into view holding Greg's gun by it's barrel. "You want to tell my why your gun is in there and why there's a bullet in the chamber?" He was trying to keep his voice calm but anger and panic was starting to creep into his tone. He took the cartridge out of the grip and unloaded the bullet from the chamber before taking a breath and looking at Greg with his unflinching stare.

"I...I blacked out Eddie. I don't remember getting the gun, loading it, I don't remember." He said honestly.

"Yeah, well this gun was ready to fire, Greg." His tone was absolute no nonsense as he put the gun in his belt. "Do you realize that one twitch of your finger and you could have really hurt yourself? You could have hurt someone else?" Greg felt like he was being lectured again, though he knew that he deserved it, as he put his head down.

"I know, Eddie."

"I know you do, and that's what's worrying me." He paced off towards the bedroom and came back with Greg's duffel bag. "Pack some stuff, you're not staying alone." He put the bag on the floor by Greg's feet as he was already shaking his head.

"That's not necessary Eddie, it was a stupid move, made while drunk. Something that's not going to happen again." He stood but Ed's stare was not to be argued with.

"You're right Greg, it's not going to happen again, because you are not staying alone." He nearly growled the last words as Greg folded and grabbed a few sets of clothes. He returned to the couch as Ed finished emptying out the alcohol and sat down across from him again.

"What now?" Greg asked as Ed seemed to calm down a bit. He thought for a moment before speaking.

"You should call Hollaran and tell him you need time off." He suggested (though Greg knew better than to think it was actually being 'suggested.') He nodded and looked at Ed.

"You sure Sophie's not going to mind? You've got a newborn at home and now you're going to have me. You're sure?" Greg asked carefully. He knew that Sophie liked him but he also knew that in the past months when she and Ed were fighting, he was often the face associated with the 'work' side of the argument, the side that she had come to despise.

"It'll be fine, I'll explain the circumstances and I know that she wouldn't have it any other way." He said confidently again as Greg sighed and put his head in his hands. "What are you thinking?" Ed asked gently.

"I just...I don't know if I can do this again, Eddie. This whole process, I mean...ten years blown..." He took a few deep breaths as he tried to keep the hopelessness from his voice. Ed nodded.

"I hear you, it's overwhelming right now but you've got to remember, this isn't ten years ago." Greg looked at him with a bit of a questioning expression. "You're a different person now and you've got people relying on you." He said firmly. "You're not the only one affected by this anymore, just like you need us back, we need our Boss back. You haven't lost us Greg and we desperately want you back but we want you." He said firmly again. "We want the Greg Parker that we know, not this person. We need that Greg Parker back."

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><p><em>Not sure if I like where this ended, but you guys let me know. So tired. Need to be up in...5.5 hours...awesome. But at least this is done. Hope it lives up to the build up it's been getting! PS: Make sure to check out "Flashpoint Team One" on Facebook. Contests, discussions, give-aways, behind the scenes pictures, and direct contact with the producers (thus, first ones to know all the new information!)<em>


	19. Chapter 19

To Hell and Back-Chapter 19

_Okay, I'm very excited about this chapter and knowing the cruelty I've managed to inflicted on these guys thus far, I don't know how excited you'll will be. I was kind of in a bind with continuity after the last chapter but Illyria13 (again) helped me out and gave me an awesome awesome idea. So excited for this. As usual, I don't own Flashpoint._

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><p>Greg sat quietly in the passenger seat of Ed's SUV as he tried to balance his cell phone on one ear.<p>

"Winnie," He took his cell phone and spoke into it with a bit of a smile. "He's fine, Winnie." He glanced over and Greg and saw his downcast look, playing with his hands again, shame evident on his face. "Is the Commander around?" Ed asked seriously. "Think you can patch me through? Thanks Winnie." Ed looked towards Greg. "On hold."

"Eddie, this really isn't necessary." Greg said, a bit of frustration in his voice. "I'll stay with you tonight but for Gods sake, I can stay alone for five or six hours while you finish your shift." Ed looked like he was about to say something when the line connected through.

"Commander, this is Ed Lane." Greg couldn't hear the other end of the conversation as Ed paused for a moment. "Yes, sir. I understand that it's short notice but I was wondering if I'd be able to take the rest of the afternoon off." He paused again before shaking his head. "No, no the baby's fine. Some...ah...other things came up though." He paused for a long time before letting out a sigh. "No, I understand sir. Thank you." Ed hung up the phone shaking his head.

"He pulled Rolie this morning to work with Team Three and he said that he really can't leave Team One without any formal commanding officer." Ed seemed disappointed as he slipped his phone back into the pocket on his vest.

"Eddie," Greg started to speak but Ed held up his hand and turned on his radio. He'd been out of contact for a fairly long time and he needed to check on everyone considering they were probably still a bit anxious about not hearing from Greg.

"Team One, status?" He said into the radio as he heard everyone start speaking at once. "One at a time guys." He yelled over all the voices. "Spike and Jules."

"Well, Sam said that he got a text from you that you'd found the boss so we're just patrolling south of the city." Spike said quickly before getting to the questions that he'd obviously been bursting to ask. "Is he okay?"

"Yeah, yeah guys, boss is fine." Ed said with a smile as he glanced over at Greg again and saw him staring out through the windshield in a zone.

"Seriously Ed, that's all you're going to tell us?" Jules sounded frustrated as she spoke into the radio. Ed thought for a moment before responding.

"It's not my story to tell." He said simply as Greg seemed to listen now, still not looking at Ed. "Sam, head back to HQ sign the stuff back in and then get home and get some sleep. You're on shift again in a couple of hours." Ed said sympathetically but in a tone that left no room for argument.

"Copy. If you or the Boss need anything just let me know." He said with a tone of closure.

"Spike, Jules, I'm going off radio for a little bit again." Ed said before turning off his radio and looking towards Greg. He was still looking through the windshield, his expression deeply contemplative but otherwise unreadable. "You alright?" Ed asked gently as he turned the keys in the ignition.

"I'm fine." Greg said simply, the words cutting at Ed as he remembered all the times that the situation had been reversed and he was the one trying to convince Greg that he was alright. He would have laughed at the irony if the mood in the truck hadn't felt so tense. Ed nodded, deciding that now wasn't the time to pick at the words.

"I'm gonna call Wordy, see if maybe you can hang out with him and the girls until I finish up." Ed said firmly as Greg shook his head.

"Don't do that Ed, he just got this news and he doesn't need anything else on his mind right now." Greg was speaking softly, his tone difficult to decipher as Ed glanced toward him.

"He was out helping look for you this morning, Greg. He's worried, just like the rest of us." Ed glanced between the road and Greg as he leaned back and crossed his arms.

"I'm not a five year old Ed, I don't need a babysitter." Greg was growing more irritable as reality set in and his frustration grew.

"I know that." Ed said in a placating tone. He tried to keep his expression and tone calm; he knew that Greg was going to be looking to lash out at someone and he would rather it be him.

"Whatever." Greg mumbled as he returned his gaze to the windshield. Ed was reminded of Clark for an instant as he glanced over at Greg and saw him rubbing his temples again.

"I'm gonna call Wordy now." Ed said again simply as he tried to read Greg's expression. He seemed to shrug.

"Whatever you want to do Ed since it's obvious that I'm a teenager who can't be trusted." Greg's voice dripped with bitter sarcasm.

"Come on Greg," Ed was trying to keep the frustration from his voice. He knew what this was and he couldn't blame Greg for being irritable. He was probably still a little hungover, he was in pain from his ribs, and he was ashamed and angry at himself for his relapse and for everything that had gone on in the past months. That, on top of the guilt he was inevitably feeling for everything, was making Greg a different person than Ed knew; an angry person that he hadn't known for a long time.

"No, no Ed, I'm sorry." Greg was raising his voice slightly but in the confined SUV it felt like he was shouting. "I'm sorry that I'm such a burden." His tone was saturated with sarcasm again as Ed tried to divide his attention between the road and his friend.

"Greg," Ed started to speak but Greg cut him off again.

"Maybe I should have just pulled the trigger, it would have solved a lot of problems wouldn't it?" Greg immediately regretted his words, not even sure where they came from as he impulsively spat them out. He felt his heart pounding in his chest as he face flushed in shame. He hazarded a glance over at Ed and saw a mix of rage and barely contained panic and hurt on his face. His hands gripped the steering wheel tightly as his eyes remained glued to the road. "Eddie," Greg whispered, suddenly lethargic.

Ed seemed to snap out of his mind as he flipped on his right turn signal and quickly cut the wheel, speeding across two lanes of traffic until he reached the shoulder of the road and jammed on the breaks. His expression hadn't changed as Greg saw his chest rising and falling quickly taking shallow breaths.

"Eddie, I'm sorry-" Ed held up his hand and shook his head, still not looking at Greg as he seemed to stare heatedly through the windshield, trying to control his breathing and his emotion.

"Is that really how you feel, Greg?" He was almost whispering as he slowly turned his head and looked at his passenger. "Is that really what you're thinking?" There was almost a tinge of hurt in his voice but it was quickly replaced by strong concern. "Because you've got to be honest with me here. We've been friends for a long time but I don't know what to make of this." He took a few deep breaths as he watched Greg carefully. He was obviously regretting his words.

"Eddie, I'm so sorry. I don't know where that came from." Ed maintained his eye contact as he let the silence grow for a few minutes.

"You didn't answer my question." He said simply as Greg looked away a bit. "Are you suicidal?" Ed annunciated each word and watched carefully as Greg rubbed his eyes and looked away. He shook his head slightly and looked through the windshield.

"You've obviously made up your mind about that Eddie and I know I'm not going to change it." He spoke softly and there was a tone of closure in his words but Ed saw through them.

"Greg, you've got to give me something here." Ed still looked angry but hurt was evident in his tone. "I trust you, Greg." He spoke strongly as he saw Greg's eyes flicker towards his before returning to the windshield. "I trust you more than anyone and if you were to look me in the eye right now and tell me that you were not suicidal..." He paused for a minute and seemed to struggle with the words a bit. "I'd trust you. But I'm worried about you." He paused again and bit his lip as Greg glanced toward him.

"I'm worried about what could have happened if you didn't pass out last night when you did. I'm worried about what would have happened if I couldn't convince Hollaran to let us patrol, what would have happened if you'd woken up and I hadn't been banging on your door and you saw that gun. And I'm worried about what happens tonight when you're going to be itching for a drink to numb those memories again and you're not going to have one." He paused for a minute and took a breath. Greg thought that he saw Ed's eyes getting glassy, his eyes were, but neither of them would admit it. "Am I wrong, Greg?" He seemed to almost be begging now as Greg sat for a moment and tried to collect his thoughts.

"I don't know." Greg shrugged and shook his head, frustrated. "I don't know. I don't know what would have happened last night if something had gone differently and I don't know what will happen tonight." He paused for a few minutes and Ed could tell that he was thinking hard. He was breathing a little heavier as he shook his head, tears barely escaping his eyes before he rubbed at them again. "It's crossed my mind," He said cautiously, almost in a whisper, admitting it out loud and to himself for the first time. Ed was surprised and taken aback at the sudden statement and had to force himself not to say anything. "but not as a plan, just as a thought, mostly when I was drunk."

Ed nodded, if anything because he had no idea what else to do or say. He was at a loss, a rare occurrence. Things always changed when it was personal, it didn't matter that he'd gone through hundreds of situations involving suicide, or that he knew the negotiation book by heart; everything was different and he didn't even know where to start. They sat in silence for a long time, Ed trying to figure out what to say to his friend, his friend who was obviously hurting more than anyone could see, and Greg overwhelmed by shame and fear and a bit of relief. He hadn't wanted things to go this way but the more he thought about it, the more he realized that it was inevitable. He knew how it worked; the pull of the alcohol was too strong for him and he would never stop on his own. It would take something like Ed banging on his door, demanding answers and not taking his excuses for him to stop and it would take even more for Greg to admit how he was truly feeling, what he was really thinking.

He wasn't lying to Ed, he promised himself that he wouldn't lie after he found out about the alcohol but he honestly didn't know what to make of everything at the moment. He felt like he was dodging the question but he didn't know what he was thinking last night or at the moment. He was just confused and ashamed and embarrassed about his seemingly lost filter and impulse probably could have sat in silence for a long time, both looking to the other to speak first, but luckily Ed's phone started to ring and break them out of their circular thinking.

"Lane." He answered stiffly without taking his eyes off Greg.

"Ed, I checked all the places you told me but I couldn't find him. I even went to a couple of other bars in a five block radius but nothing." Ed felt another pang of guilt as he remembered Wordy. Sam wouldn't have passed word on to Wordy that they'd found Greg, he wasn't supposed to be looking and he wasn't even supposed to know about this in their eyes.

"Wordy, buddy, I'm sorry I didn't call you sooner. I found the boss a little bit ago." Ed saw Greg almost curl up in his seat as he began to pick at his fingernails again and finally look away.

"No problem Ed," Wordy sounded a bit relieved. "As long as you've got him. Is he okay? Is there anything I can do?" He offered quickly. Ed hesitated for a moment, remembering Greg's reluctance to bring Wordy into things but he steeled himself and remembered the conversation they had just had (were possibly still having).

"Actually, Wordy, if it's not too much trouble there is something you can do to help out." Ed watched Greg close his eyes but he didn't stop him.

"Anything, Ed." Wordy was confident, it was beyond a desire to help and transcending into his inherent need to help people, to feel useful. Ed hesitated for another moment, not sure how much he should say and how much Greg wanted to tell at this point.

"You home? I don't want to have this conversation over the phone." He saw Greg open his eyes a bit in interest.

"Yeah, yeah come by whenever. Shelly's going out with Allie and Lilly and Claire will be getting home from school in about an hour." He explained quickly as Ed looked at his watch.

"We'll be over in ten." He spoke before hanging up the phone and putting it back in his vest. He looked over at Greg again and tried to think of something else to say, grasping desperately at memories and words that he knew were written somewhere. No matter what he came up with though, nothing seemed to sound right in his mind. Nothing he could think of would alleviate, even lessen the burden he knew that his friend was feeling. He eventually took a breath as he looked at his watch again.

"This conversation isn't over." He said firmly as Greg's gaze returned to him. "You hear me?" He asked, almost without thinking. Greg smiled a bit as he nodded.

"I hear you, Eddie." Another moment of silence fell between them before Ed turned in his seat and got the car into gear. Greg leaned back in the seat and closed his eyes, knowing that sleep wouldn't come during the short ride but also knowing that this was just barely the beginning of a very long day.

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><p><em>Sorry this has taken so long to update. At first I was just stuck, so (again) thanks Illyria13 for pointing me in this direction (which I love), but then I had this overnight campout training session for my job...let's just say that there wasn't much sleep meaning that Sunday when I got home that meant I needed to catch up on a ton of sleep. And then I was stuck again, lost my momentum, so this chapter ends a little abruptly but I needed to get something posted, to get some feedback and then hopefully I'll update more quickly. It might be bold, but my goal is to finish this by this weekend. Think I can do it?<em>


	20. Chapter 20

To Hell and Back-Chapter 20

_Wow, am I really on chapter 20 right now? And do I really have just under 100 reviews? Wow. I don't even know what to say right now, you guys are awesome, thanks for the support. I'm straying a little bit from my outline this chapter and the last chapter (and probably the next chapter) but I think it'll make things flow a little smoother. Let me know what you think, and remember, I still don't own Flashpoint._

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><p>The ride was silent and both men were okay with it. Any other conversation at this point would have pushed them both past limits of sanity and rationality and getting out of that car was their main priority. Ed drove slowly and carefully, making sure to keep all of his focus on the road in front of him. They both relaxed a bit when they got off the main road and found themselves on familiar winding residential streets. Greg felt his anxiety mounting as they got closer to Wordy's house and he obviously wasn't doing a good job hiding it.<p>

"You good?" Ed asked in a surface nonchalant tone. Greg heard the undertone of worry again but nodded as their eyes met for a moment.

"I'm good." He said half heartedly before taking a few breaths and letting his muscles slowly relax. Ed nodded and let the silence return as he turned onto another street.

"So, how much do you want to tell Wordy?" Ed glanced over at Greg and saw a little bit of surprise on his face.

"I get a say after that outburst?" There was an edge of shame in his voice as he tried to smile. Ed nodded slowly.

"There are some things that I think we have to tell him," Ed seemed to be treading carefully. "but it's up to you." At a stop sign Ed glanced towards him. "I get that you don't want people to know but you also have to understand that they care about you and that they're also worried about you, especially after today." Greg nodded, knowing that Ed was right. He didn't want anyone to see his weaknesses, especially not his team, not the people who looked to him for strength.

"He'll find out eventually, might as well be now." Greg seemed slightly dejectedly. He saw Ed's eyes narrow a bit as he glanced over.

"What are you thinking?" He asked knowingly as Greg sighed.

"I just...I don't want pity." He rubbed his temples again, the headache from the hangover never really going away but growing stronger. "I did this to myself and I don't want people to feel sorry for me." He said harshly as Ed nodded.

"First off, Greg," Ed said firmly as he turned onto Wordy's block. "This isn't all your fault, this is your disease and you know that." They pulled into Wordy's driveway as Ed looked towards Greg and saw that he wasn't completely buying it. "And second, they will understand. They are not going to judge you and you have to have faith in them." Greg nodded half heartedly as he reached for his bag in the back seat and went to open the door. Ed watched him carefully, trying to read his body language. He knew that Greg wasn't himself right now, he was tense and a bit agitated and it was showing. Ed took a few breaths to steady himself before leaving the car and joining Greg at Wordy's front door. It only took seconds for Wordy to open the door widely, a look of masked concern on his face.

"Hey, come in." He offered as he stepped back out of the doorframe a bit.

"Hey Wordy, how you doing?" Greg asked as he stepped into the house. His tone was almost normal, almost what Ed would be expecting to hear in this kind of a situation, but he could sense the edge in the undertone. Wordy shrugged and nodded.

"You know, just taking it one day at a time right now." He said vaguely as he looked between Ed and Greg.

"You okay?" He asked simply as he lead them into the living room. Greg shrugged and broke his eye contact as Wordy glanced toward Ed. "Want something to drink?" He asked automatically, quickly regretting his words as he continued to piece together the puzzle. "Um, a water bottle or something?" He revised his offer as he saw Greg close his eyes for a moment and take a few breaths. Wordy glanced towards Ed who nodded.

"Yeah that would be good, buddy." He said quickly as Greg took a few breaths. They both sat down on a couch as Wordy went to the kitchen. Ed sat close to Greg and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"You want me to tell him?" He asked quickly as Greg opened his eyes and rubbed his temples.

"No, no I need to do this." Greg said firmly as Ed nodded. Wordy returned to the living room with two water bottles and sat down across from them, feeling the tension in the room. Silence fell among them again as Greg tried to figure out how to start. He'd told people that he was an alcoholic but he seemed so far removed from it in those instances. He was realizing just how different it was to tell someone that he was just coming off a hangover because he relapsed, and he wasn't even thinking about the gun right now, that was a whole other ballgame. He glanced toward Ed with an unspoken plea to start the conversation.

"Thanks for offering to help out Wordy, you deserve an explanation of what's going on, I know you've been in the dark on this one." Ed looked at Greg and knew that he was supposed to continue. "It's been a really tough couple of weeks, you know that better than anyone...no one is exempt from that though." Ed tried to be vague, he understood that Greg needed to be the one to say the words, to admit what he'd done in order to start the process of moving on. Wordy nodded in understanding, knowing that it wasn't his place to say anything yet. Ed looked towards Greg again and saw him collecting himself.

"Wordy, I..." He paused a moment and took a few breaths as he looked off at the wall a bit. "I've been drinking again." He almost whispered the words as his heart raced. He didn't have the heart to look directly at Wordy, but he saw him nodding. "It's been a couple of weeks now and last night was...last night was really bad." He tried to explain but again couldn't bring himself to say the words he knew that Ed wanted him to say. There was a long moment of silence as Wordy nodded and took a few breaths.

"I don't know what to say." He tried not to let himself look shocked, he should have seen it coming but he didn't really believe that this could be happening on top of everything else going on in their lives.

"You don't have to say anything, Wordy." Greg wouldn't look at either of them as he put his head in his hands again. "There's nothing to say. I screwed up, that's the long and short of it." He seemed bitter and angry, it wasn't a side of Greg that Wordy had ever known. He shook his head.

"I don't think so," Wordy's soft-spoken tone was a vast change from Ed's hardened confidence. "I think there's a lot more to it than that." Greg raised his gaze slightly and looked at Wordy curiously. "You've been sober for ten years, Sarge." He slowly emphasized the words as a small prideful smile came to his face. "Ten years." Ed wasn't sure about the direction the conversation was going and if Greg would respond well to the tactic but he was transfixed by Wordy's angle.

"If I didn't know you for six of those years, I don't think I'd believe that anyone with our job could be able to make it for ten weeks, let alone years." Wordy almost sounded proud as Greg let a small smile slip. It didn't make his relapse feel any better, but it definitely put some things in perspective.

"You're right, Wordy." Ed said softly. "Most people can't imagine half the stuff we see, the things we do, and not only have you done the job but you've gotten through some of the most stressful years for SRU in history without drinking." They all knew that Ed was referring to Jules getting shot, Lou's death, and the recent revelations of the psych evaluations. "It's an accomplishment Greg, it's something to definitely be proud of and to keep in the back of your mind and to strive for again...to surpass that standard." Greg finally looked towards him again, his eyes bloodshot as he wiped away the beginning of tears. "That was one era of your life, Greg, but this is a new one." He said strongly as Greg nodded before looking at his feet again. Ed glanced at his watch and realized, again, that he'd been off the radio for a long time and that he really needed to get back to work (though he couldn't really say he'd done much in terms of patrolling all day). He let the silence continue for a moment, hoping that Greg would say the rest.

"I've got to go in a few minutes and log some time on patrol." Ed said vaguely, hoping Greg would understand. He saw Greg's muscles grow tense as he became overwhelmed by anxiety. Wordy got the hint that he was still in the dark about something but he couldn't figure out what would have been a more profound fact than had already been disclosed. He felt his body tense a bit as he waited for Greg to speak, still looking at the ground.

"There's something else..." He sat up slightly and glanced at Ed, almost hoping that he would finish the sentence, but he knew better. Ed knew far too well the importance of Greg admitting what he'd done and felt himself and he wasn't about to rush that process. He gave Greg a reassuring nod and a slight smile as he took a few breaths.

"I...I blacked out last night so, I don't really know what was going on in my mind," He looked towards Wordy and made sure that he was understanding what he was saying. "...but when I came to this morning I..." He looked away again and seemed transfixed by his shoes suddenly. "I had my gun in my hands, bullet in the chamber." He shrugged but didn't look towards Wordy, couldn't bring himself to look at anything other than the floor.

Wordy tried to keep himself from looking shocked but he couldn't help his jaw from dropping a bit at the news. Greg was human, they all knew that rationally, he had his off days just like everyone else but never to this kind of extent; they'd never guess that things could get this bad.

"You...you tried to kill yourself?" He nearly whispered. He was trying to wrap his mind around the idea. He was trying to maintain his calm but it was growing more difficult as Greg looked at him.

"No," He said firmly at first, his voice holding strong but his eye contact fading as he put his head in his hands again. "I don't know..." He whispered this time, shame evident as Wordy nodded and glanced towards Ed. They let everyone breath for a moment, taking in the news and trying to understand where everything fell. Ed eventually broke the silence as he leaned forward a bit, a hand squeezing Greg's shoulder.

"See, Wordy," Ed started to speak calmly as Wordy listened carefully. "Greg's gonna stay with me for a little while but I've got another five hours on shift and we just don't want to tempt fate with this one." Ed spoke cautiously as Greg collected himself and took a few breaths. "I'll call in a few hours after I talk to Sophie and check in with you guys. Sound okay?" He asked both of them as they nodded. "Alright, Greg..." He placed a firm hand on his shoulder and waited for eye contact before nodding, the unspoken moves possibly more important than any words he could have found. "Wordy, thanks buddy." Ed nodded towards him as he moved forward a bit on the couch. It seemed like he was about to get up, like he wanted to get up, but something was holding him back. "You guys are both good with this?" He asked again, feeling like he should just forget about work and take whatever his punishment would be later.

"Eddie, get going. You're already on thin ice with Hollaran and you shouldn't mess with that on your second day back at work." Greg said rationally as he looked towards Ed with a nod. He also nodded and stood up.

"Okay, call me with anything." He said strongly to both men.

"Copy, Ed. We're all good here." Wordy smiled as Ed finally turned on his heel and walked out of the house.

The silence that came was awkward. Wordy felt like he should say something but he also knew that Greg probably wasn't up for any more talking right now. There was also the fact that he genuinely didn't know what to say. He felt like a rookie again as he wracked his brain and tried to find some idea of what direction to go but nothing felt right. Greg trained all of the other negotiators at the SRU and he'd had a big hand in writing the updated manual. Everything that Wordy could think to say felt too cold, too impersonal, and too much like something only Greg could use to talk down a subject. He was a good negotiator but he would never be able to pull things off like Greg could. He glanced at his watch and nearly jumped as he realized the time.

"Um, I've got to get Claire and Lilly off the bus." He said quickly as he realized that he only had a few minutes until they were scheduled to get home. Greg smiled and nodded.

"I'll walk with you." He said as Wordy grabbed a light jacket and led them out of the house. The residential area he lived in had lots of kids and Greg could tell the moment that they walked out the door that the herd of eager adults at the corner of the road had to be other parents. It was only a few houses down the block but the walk seemed longer as the silence again fell between them. They stood a few meters away from the other parents, most of them focused on their cell phones, as Wordy put his hands in his coat pockets and let out a sigh. He waited for Greg to look at him before speaking softly.

"You know, I really do know how it feels...just wanting to be numb and not feel anything, even the good things end up hurting in the end." He said knowingly as he tried and failed to maintain eyes contact. "He was right you know," He said vaguely.

"Toth?" Greg asked softly, thinking that he knew where the conversation was going. Wordy nodded.

"The insomnia's been getting worse the past couple months. Part of it is the..." He paused and Greg could see him making fists through the thin material of his coat. "the doctors say that it's a normal symptom but it's a lot of stuff beyond that." Greg nodded, glad for the first time today for something, at least he was getting a chance to talk to Wordy. "Just, I get it. I think most people, especially cops, would." He seemed to be looking for words as he bit his lip. "It's not a matter of will power or anything, it's a matter of all that we see and all that we do and I know that all of us have had those days." He still didn't feel like the words were right but he knew that the conversation was over as a yellow school bus pulled up to the stop sign.

"Thanks, Wordy." Greg said quietly as they turned and looked towards the bus. Kids ran in different directions to their parents as the crowd began to thin out.

"Daddy!" A streak of blond hair came into their view for a moment before it ran full speed into Wordy's legs.

"Hey Lilly," He said with a huge smile as he knelt down and took her backpack. "How was your day?" He asked with genuine interest.

"Good. I colored you a picture in art class and look," She jumped excitedly as she held out her foot. "Bryan taught me to tie my shoes." She pointed to the multiple knots and twists in her shoelaces as Wordy grimaced for a moment but quickly turned it into a smile.

"Wow Lilly...that's something." Greg let out a small laugh as Wordy tried to pull at one of the knots. "We've got to make sure to have that out before Mommy gets home." He said softly before standing up. "Where's your sister?" He asked as the crowd thinned further.

"I'm here, Daddy." Claire yelled from near the bus as she dragged her backpack behind her. They walked up to her as Wordy knelt and gave her a kiss. "Uncle Greg!" She said excitedly as they realized that he was there. Both girls attached themselves to his legs in tight hugs as he smiled and hugged them back. Something felt right about hugging Wordy's girls, it made his mind clear slightly as Wordy went to pick up Claire's backpack but overbalanced a bit.

"Claire, what's in here?" He asked seriously as he picked up her backpack and Greg took Lilly's.

"We went to the school library today." She said proudly as they started to walk back to Wordy's home, Greg holding Lilly's hand and Claire walking next to Wordy as he opened her backpack.

"What book did you get?" Greg asked curiously as he saw Wordy's look of surprise, then suppressed laughter. She shrugged.

"I don't know what it's called but it had a big picture stars and outer space and I wanted you to read it to me Daddy." She said excitedly as he pulled out a large, hardcover book and showed it to Greg.

"Princess, we can look at the section on outer space, but this is the 'S' volume of an encyclopedia." He tried to explain without dissolving into laughter but he was getting close.

"What's that red sticker on it say?" Greg pointed to the binding as Wordy turned it over and rolled his eyes.

"Reference only." Greg had to keep himself from laughing as Wordy explained to his daughter.

"This book is supposed to stay in the library, princess. You're not supposed to take it home." He saw her look of horror for an instant before smiling. "It's okay Claire, I'll send a note with the book tomorrow and you just give it to your teacher." He unlocked the door to the house and they ran in as Greg followed them to the kitchen table with a smile.

"You girls start your homework and I'll get you a snack." He said as he went to the refrigerator.

"Can I help?" Greg asked as he stood between the table and the rest of the kitchen. Wordy poked his head out from the refrigerator for a moment and passed him an apple.

"You mind slicing this and I'll grab some peanut butter." Greg nodded and began cutting the apple into small pieces as Wordy bounced between helping Claire with her addition and getting Lilly some juice.

"Daddy, I can't get my shoes off." Lilly whined a bit as she tried to yank her sneakers off. Wordy remembered the knots as he pulled up a chair and had her put her feet on his lap.

"Let's see about this." He mumbled as he started to follow the intertwined laces and Greg took over helping with the math homework. After a few minutes they had both made some leeway in their tasks before Lilly spoke.

"Daddy, are you cold?" She asked innocently as Greg saw Wordy's hand shaking. He saw Wordy's face flush as he shook his head.

"No sweetie." He said simply as he tried to focus on the shoelace.

"Then why are you shivering?" Her voice was calm and naive, she didn't see the anxiety in Wordy's features and the sweat that was coming to his brow.

"Can I give it a try Lilly?" Greg asked quickly as he stood and patted Wordy's shoulder.

"Sure you can, Uncle Greg." She said politely as he took Wordy's seat.

"Oh gosh, you've got a real knot going here." Greg made small talk with her until he worked her right foot free of the shoe. "Okay, give me your left foot." He asked as he got the knot (a little more quickly this time) undone.

"Thank you, Uncle Greg." She said as she leaned forward and hugged him. He glanced towards Wordy and saw him calming down a little bit. They sat around the table and helped the girls with their homework for a few more minutes until they both finished and packed their bags again.

"Good job, high five." Greg offered as Lilly finished cleaning her side of the table. She jumped up and slapped Greg's hand as he smiled and sat back in the chair giving Wordy a nod. "I like kindergarden homework." He said simply. Wordy nodded.

"Who doesn't?" They shared a laugh, just glad to be a little bit removed from their respective pain. They both knew that their battles were far from over but they also knew that they needed to cling to something for sanity and these moments were those irreplaceable ones, the ones where they were just able to be.

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><p><em>This chapter just went on and on. I don't like the ending and I think it felt rushed at the end but I didn't want to split it; we're not staying at Wordy's too long and I didn't want to have to stretch it to another chapter. Sorry the updates have drastically slowed, I don't know why but I'm just having an absurd amount of time focusing on this. I guess that's what I get for such a long story but it's hard. I've got a ton of other ideas but I don't write more than one thing at a time so they're kind of just brewing and taking some attention from this. Plus, I'm exhausted! I shouldn't be, but I am. Okay, enough of that though. Tell me what you think please. I'm thinking three chapters left on this one, just to give you an idea. More to come (hopefully!) soon.<em>


	21. Chapter 21

To Hell and Back-Chapter 21

_So this is winding down...I'm a little nostalgic. It's about time for this one to end, don't get me wrong, I'm ready for it to end, but this is my longest story yet and this is also probably one of my favorite stories that I've written. Well you've still got at least one more chapter after this one, probably two, it all depends on how well I transition and how long I make this...well you'll see. Tell me what you think please and remember that I don't own Flashpoint._

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><p>Greg had actually enjoyed his time with Wordy and his family. It was a necessary reprieve from not only his mind, but from Ed's demanding nature. He couldn't really blame Ed after everything that he'd disclosed today; Greg knew that Ed had been holding in a lot of anger and a lot of anxiety, it was just an ingrained part of Ed's personality to be very to the point. Though Greg could also sense anxiety from Wordy, his kids and Shelly definitely calmed and distracted them from all the pressing thoughts circling both of their minds. Just being able to sit with them, talk to them and hear the girls recount their day had been comforting and had helped to suppress the beginnings of the urges in his mind.<p>

Ed had called a few times throughout the shift to check in and make sure that they were still doing okay. Though Greg knew that it probably wasn't a great idea to be alone tonight, he still didn't want to impose on anyone. As the hours ticked by and it got closer to the time that Ed would be coming back to get him, he grew more and more anxious. He knew that Ed had talked to Sophie at some point and that she was for the idea of Greg staying (she also knew Greg when he was drinking and she had always been supportive of his recovery) but she still had a newborn to contend with. Ed had told Greg that Izzy usually slept well, only waking up once or twice a night and that she was an easy baby compared to Clark, but Greg still felt his chest growing tighter as he kept his eyes on his watch.

He knew that the anxiety wasn't all from his mind, the withdrawal was starting and he only hoped that it wouldn't be as bad as ten years ago. Somewhere in the back of his mind he rationalized that he'd been drinking for a few weeks and not nearly as heavily as he had back then but the fear and the memories almost made him regret agreeing to this. It had taken him weeks to get completely sober and functioning again last time around, and they hadn't been easy weeks; he'd spent most of his time hovering somewhere between what felt like a terrible hangover and the flu, bouncing between anxiety and fevers, the shakes and depression. The thoughts were only adding to his anxiety and it must have been evident.

"You okay, Sarge?" Wordy asked softly, snapping Greg out of his mind. He looked at him and nodded, trying not to show the chill that ran up his spine. Wordy didn't seem totally convinced but he nodded as well as he checked his phone. "Ed's gonna be here in ten minutes." He said as he read the text message. Greg nodded again before speaking softly.

"I'm sorry Wordy." He shook his head as he listened for any sounds from the other room. Shelly was watching a movie with the girls while Wordy and Greg sat at the kitchen table.

"For what?" Wordy seemed genuinely confused as he watched Greg carefully.

"This isn't the way it's supposed to be." He was frustrated, angry at himself and almost wondering why everyone was being so nice to him, how they were so open and understanding when he couldn't even let himself off the hook.

"The way what's supposed to be?" Wordy asked calmly, wracking his mind to try and figure out what was happening.

"I'm not...I'm not supposed to be falling apart right now." Greg said sadly, an edge of bitterness still present. "Here you are trying to console me when you just heard about your diagnosis," Greg saw Wordy's muscles tense for a moment before he forced himself to relax. "And Ed's on his way to bring me to his house while meanwhile he just recovered from a gunshot wound and he has a newborn at home." Wordy nodded, starting to see the idea, but Greg continued. "It's not supposed to happen this way, I'm supposed to be the one that can wether through this all and hold everyone together." He said half sadly, half angrily before Wordy placed a firm hand on his upper arm.

"Greg," The use of his first name didn't escape him as Wordy continued. "We're all human." He paused for a long moment to let the words sink in. "We know that you're human and we don't expect you to be perfect." He took a breath before making sure that he had eye contact. "I'm okay. I worry about what's going to happen, sure, but I keep my head up and I power through. I take things one day at a time. You taught me that Greg, so follow your own advice and trust the people that care about you...let us help you out for once." Wordy smiled his ever calming smile as the doorbell rang.

"You okay?" He asked again seriously without moving. Greg nodded.

"I'm okay." He assured as Shelly answered the door and gave Ed a hug. The girls all ran and greeted him as he slowly made his way to the kitchen and smiled at Wordy and Greg.

"Sophie's keeping dinner warm for us." Ed said as Greg nodded and stood. Wordy also stood up and looked in, what felt like, both their eyes simultaneously.

"If you guys need anything, anything at all, I'm here." He said seriously as Shelly nodded.

"And you're always welcome." She added as she stepped up and hugged both of them. Though they hadn't told Shelly all the details of what was going on, Wordy had pulled her aside and given her the basic gist of things.

"Thank you, both of you, thank you." Greg said before kneeling down. "I had fun this afternoon girls." He hugged them all and stood up again, stretching his back as he nodded towards Ed and headed to the door.

The drive to Ed's house wasn't far but the awkward quiet made it feel longer. Greg was sweating as he tried to think of something to say. He knew that things were not resolved between he and Ed, there was still a bit of anger and definitely a lot of concern showing in his ruffled brow and tight grip on the steering wheel. Greg bit his lip as he tried to think of the right words but nothing was coming to him. The cravings to drink again were growing stronger and he knew that soon it would be insatiable. He rubbed at his temples, another headache coming on as Ed began to speak, not taking his eyes off the darkened road in front of him.

"I hope you don't mind Greg, but I had to tell Sophie a little bit of what was going on." Ed glanced towards him and saw him nodding.

"I thought so, it's fine Eddie." Greg assured. "And you're sure she's okay with it?"

"She insisted." Ed said firmly.

"What does Clark know?" Greg asked curiously. Clark had matured so much in the past few years, especially with the new responsibilities of being an older brother. Clark was also the same age as Dean, it was one of the reasons that Greg and Ed had bonded so much earlier in their careers, they were both up all night rocking crying babies to sleep. Greg didn't think that Clark remembered much of Dean or Greg before he and Ed were formally on the SRU together, but he'd never directly asked.

"I asked Sophie to tell him that you were pretty sick and I didn't want you to stay alone." Ed glanced towards Greg again. "How are you feeling?" He asked knowingly. Greg shrugged.

"I don't know...kind of anxious, pretty bad headache, but not too bad yet." He said quickly as Ed nodded. "But then again I haven't really slept the past few weeks as much as I've just passed out and I haven't eaten much that's not out of a vending machine or chinese take out, so that probably has something to do with it." Ed couldn't help but smile a bit as Greg let out a chuckle.

"Yeah well hopefully we can fix that." Ed said as he pulled into his driveway and turned off the ignition. "Before we go in there though, there's something I want you to do." Ed pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and started to scroll through contacts. Greg watched him carefully as he held the phone out. "I want you to call her." He said simply as Greg took the phone and looked at the name.

"Luria?" Greg raised his eyebrows in surprise. Though the doctor hadn't worked with them directly in years after budget cuts, she was still considered one of the department psychiatrists and she'd made it very clear that her door was open for any of them at any time. Ed nodded.

"You're taking a big step here Greg and there's only so much the team and I can do for you." Ed shrugged as Greg nodded.

"I was planning on going to meetings." He said softly, knowing what Ed was alluding to.

"I knew you would be." Ed kept his eye contact as he spoke. "But the drinking's only one aspect." Greg nodded again, trying to keep himself calm despite a tightening in his chest.

"Fleeting thoughts Eddie, fleeting thoughts. I never had a plan, I never seriously considered it-"

"While sober." Ed finished his sentence as Greg looked away. "Even if it was while you were drunk, there's some part of you that was thinking about killing yourself and there was some part of you that got your gun and loaded it." Ed took a breath to steady himself before speaking softly. "Even if you don't think you need this, just...do it for me."

"Eddie-" Greg began to speak but Ed cut him off.

"Greg, I know how much you hate this logic but you're going to thank me. Do this so we can both sleep a little better." He spoke passionately as Greg took a breath and looked at the phone again. He nodded and looked towards Ed to see a bit of relief in his face.

"Okay," He pressed the send button and held the phone to his ear. "Okay, Eddie." He left Luria a quick message just asking for her to call him back when she got a chance to set up an appointment. Ed seemed satisfied and a little less tense as Greg handed him the phone back.

"Did you call Hollaran already?" He asked as he slipped the phone into his pocket.

"Yeah, I got the rest of the week and told him that I'd call again on Friday to possibly extend it." Greg nodded as Ed looked impressed.

"Did he ask why?"

"He seemed curious but with all the vacation time I've got stored up I think he was just overjoyed to hear that I was willingly taking days." Greg smiled again before rubbing his temples and trying to get the headache from his eyes.

"Come on, I've got aspirin inside and then we can eat." Ed said as he grabbed his bag out of the backseat and Greg did the same. Ed let himself in and the smell of food cooking hit them both immediately, neither of them realizing how hungry they were until they stepped into the kitchen. Sophie greeted them both from the oven and, after putting down a covered plate, approached them with a smile. She stood on her toes to kiss Ed's cheek and gave Greg a sad smile before hugging him tightly. She ushered them over to the table as she brought over plates of food.

"I wasn't sure what you guys would be in the mood for so I have a little bit of everything." She smiled as Ed uncovered the plates, his eyes wide. "There's some chicken there," She pointed to the plate in front of him. "Some pasta in that one," She uncovered a huge plate of spaghetti. "I have a salad in the refrigerator and I made brownies this afternoon." Both of their eyes were wide as they looked at Sophie. "Well, Clark's home from school and he's hogging Izzy so I had to do something with my time." She explained as Clark came into the room holding his sister.

"What was that mom?" He asked with a huge smile as he spun around and rocked the small infant slowly. "Hey Dad," He leaned over and let Ed hug him as he looked over to Greg. "Hi Mr. Parker." He said with a bit of a blush. Clark was at a stage where he didn't know how to address some of the people in his life. It was always Spike, Sam, and Jules and but Wordy and Greg had tried to encourage him to call them by their first names (or nicknames in Wordy's case). Ed wanted Clark to feel connected to his team, especially in the past few years when things had gotten more tense at home and he found out that Clark had been confiding in Spike and Sam.

"I told you Clark, call me Greg." He said with a smile as he looked toward Izzy. He nodded and pointed Izzy's sleepy face towards Greg.

"That's your Uncle Greg, Izzy. Say hi." He waved her tiny arm as Greg smiled widely at the beautiful infant.

"Let them eat, Clark." Sophie said in a jokingly serious tone. "Anyway, I think Izzy's had enough big brother bonding time. Why don't you put her down for bed and then get to that history project you've been complaining about all day." She smiled as he looked disappointed and started towards the stairs. Sophie turned her attention back to the table as she saw Ed already starting to eat. She rolled her eyes as she went over to the refrigerator.

"What do you guys want to drink?" She popped her head out and Greg thought that he saw her flinch at the words. "Um, we've got water, apple juice, lemonade, Gatorade..." She listed the options as Ed started to speak, quickly chewing his food to get the words out.

"Gatorade, that's good." He looked towards Greg and saw him nod in approval, both of them knowing that his blood sugar was probably low, yet another symptom of the withdrawal. Ed ate quickly, shoveling down food as he told them bits about the patrol.

"...you should have seen the guy's face when he looked over his shoulder and saw that Jules was the one that tackled him." They all laughed a bit as Greg imagined the scene.

"Is the food okay, Greg, you've barely eaten anything..." Sophie asked as she looked towards his mostly untouched plate.

"It's great Sophie, it's really great." He assured her before looking at his bottle of Gatorade. He'd been taking small sips of the blue liquid but hadn't eaten much other than plain pasta. "It's just...my stomach's a little iffy." He said softly as he felt another slight wave of nausea couple with the headache.

"The aspirin kicking in yet?" Ed asked as he looked at Greg carefully.

"I don't know, my head's a little better but I don't think it's helping the nausea." He said quickly. "Clark looks like he's really enjoying being a big brother." He looked at Sophie, hoping to steer the conversation a different direction. She seemed weary but nodded.

"Oh yeah, he's a natural. He loves her so much." She said with pride. Greg nodded as she went on about Clark and Izzy. A few minutes passed before Ed got up and started to clear his plate and clean up. Greg moved to follow but he sat back down quickly as he felt dizziness couple with tremors in his hands.

"Greg?" Sophie asked worriedly as he closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths. When he opened his eyes Ed was by his side, a gentle hand on his shoulder.

"You okay, Greg?" He asked as calmly as he could. Greg nodded and took a few more breaths before speaking.

"Just kind of dizzy." He said softly as Ed nodded and picked up his bottle of Gatorade.

"Finish drinking this." He said firmly, only about half the bottle empty. "You're dehydrated and your blood sugar is probably low. It'll help." Greg knew that there was no arguing as he took the bottle in shaky hands and downed it. When he looked up, another bottle had mysteriously appeared in front of him as he looked towards Sophie. "One more." Ed said as he cracked the seal and handed it to Greg. He nodded and drank it quickly, the sugary solution almost feeling sour on his tongue. He finished the bottle and put it on the table before looking back towards Ed.

"Happy now?" He said sarcastically with a smile.

"Very happy." Ed continued as he took a step back and let Greg stand. He was a little shaky but Ed was just near his elbow, ready to steady him if necessary.

"What do you say we set you up in the guest room? I'm sure you're exhausted." Ed said as he stepped a bit further away, making sure Greg was steady on his feet before relaxing his muscles.

"That sounds really good." Greg said sleepily. He was exhausted but he also doubted that sleep would come easily. _This is just the beginning._ He thought as he followed Ed up the stairs.

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><p><em>Okay, a little on the long side since this was originally just a transition, but that just seems to be the way I roll. I have two more chapters in mind and my goal is to be done by tomorrow. It'll definitely be by this weekend the latest but we'll see about tomorrow. Let me know what you think, and I forgot to mention that fanfictionfan63 helped me out with some of the details of the alcohol stuff that I don't know. Thanks a ton everyone, more to come soon. <em>


	22. Chapter 22

To Hell and Back-Chapter 22

_Winding down a little bit now. This chapter and then one more, so if you haven't left me some feedback, now is the time to do so. :) Okay, you guys know I don't own Flashpoint and you guys know that I like reviews, right?_

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><p>Greg wanted nothing more than to sleep. The longings for alcohol were growing more and more intense as he laid in the freshly made bed and rolled around trying to avoid thinking. His mind was definitely the epitome of the giftcurse paradox. His memory was distinct and clear and his mind was always moving, as asset to his job but torture on nights like tonight. The guilt was building up inside his skull as he rolled over again, trying desperately to escape. He kicked the blankets off, a layer of sweat seemingly sticking to his body as he rubbed at his closed eyes.

Instead of the darkness he wanted to see when he stared at the back of his eyelids, he was met by the memories; all the memories he had tried to drink away were coming at full force, unfolding again before him, shaking him to the core. He let out a low groan as he rolled over again and looked at his watch on the bed side table. _1:30 AM_. He sat up on the edge of the bed and took a few sips of a water bottle Ed had left with him. He knew that sleep would not be coming easily to him for a few days, this had happened last time too. Though he could definitely tell that the withdrawal wouldn't be as bad this time around physically, he wasn't so sure how his mind would stand up.

Ten years ago he'd screwed up, he knew that. His drinking had driven his family away and there wasn't anything he could do about that now, but he had another group of people relying on him. Part of him wondered what was going to happen when he went back to work, when he had to tell Hollaran that he'd relapsed. With everything that had happened over the past month, he honestly wouldn't have been surprised if Hollaran fired him on the spot. First he'd let his team fall apart, then he'd effectively failed as the Sergeant of Team Three, all the while he was coming into work hungover and aware that he had a serious problem. Not only did he deceive his team but he put lives at risk by not addressing his problems and realizing that he couldn't do his job.

The thoughts only further assured that he wouldn't be doing much in terms of sleeping tonight as he wondered, not for the first time what the rest of Team One would say when they found out what was going on. Ed wouldn't be able to dodge their questions forever and by not telling them anything they'd only grow more suspicious and frustrated. He didn't want to further create a rift between himself and the team but the thought of telling them put him in a near panic. _They're smart guys, they're going to figure it out soon._ He reminded himself as he tried to lay back down. Ed had figured it out so quickly because he knew what to look for but at some point he knew that every member of the team would have caught on. _They're not going to hate you for it._ He tried to rationalize his fears, qualify them, but it wasn't working as well as it would usually work on a subject. _Wordy said it himself, they all know the appeal and they know that you're human._ He shook his head.

He knew that it wasn't the fear of them misunderstanding he was so worried about. It wasn't that he was afraid they'd judge him, or that he was afraid that they wouldn't be able to trust in his command; it was something even more deeply troubling. He couldn't let them know how weak he was. He felt like he'd single handedly shattered himself. Even if they didn't know it or didn't consciously do it, they'd be tiptoeing around him. They'd be afraid to confide in him, afraid that another stressful day might lead to another relapse, they'd look at him differently and he couldn't stand the idea. He could see it when he closed his eyes, the slight change in Jules' voice, the furrow in Spike's brow, the searching in Sam's eyes. They'd try not to let on, just like Wordy tried to roll with everything being said, but the subtle changes were the things that Greg was trained to notice and those subtle changes were compounding.

Some things weren't even subtle anymore. _Since when does Ed ask me if I'm okay?_ He though with a bitter smile. Ed had been demanding but gentle, firm yet understanding; all aspects of his day to day personality but they had never been directed towards Greg. That was the personality that he used with Sam, the mask that he put on with the team, that wasn't the person that Greg was used to seeing. The image of his gun floated into his mind again as he quickly shot up in the bed and sat on the edge.

He took a few deep breaths as he pushed the thought away but the seeds where still there. _It's the easy way out Greg._ He told himself firmly as he took another small sip of water. _Easy..._ Things were going to be far from easy in the next few weeks, the next few days were probably going to be hellish to begin with. _It would be easier but it wouldn't be right._ He tried to remind himself as he took more steadying breaths. _Permanent solution_,_ temporary problem. Permanent solution, temporary problem._ He repeated the mantra over again to himself until his heart stopped racing. He was far from sleep as he looked towards his watch again, disheartened when he realized that only a half hour had passed.

He was about to lie back down when he heard a slight whimpering from down the hall. A door opened and closed just as the whimpering turned into full on crying. Greg waited a few moments before standing and tiptoeing his way to the sounds. He hated feeling so useless and at the very least he wanted to see if there was anything he could do to help. He was a little surprised when he cracked the door open to see Ed awake, lifting his daughter out her crib.

"Eddie," Greg said in a soft whisper as he yawned and nodded towards him.

"Hey, how you feeling?" Ed asked as he took Izzy in his arms and started to rock her.

"I'm doing okay." Greg said as he stepped into the nursery and closed the door, not wanting to wake anyone else.

"Did she wake you?" Ed asked as he started to walk around the room.

"No, no, I was up." Greg looked towards his feet as Ed nodded.

"The insomnia bad?" Ed asked knowingly. Greg nodded and looked towards Izzy with a smile. She was still crying but Greg took one of her small hands in his and felt her tiny fingers grasping for him. Ed watched his face light up and couldn't help but smile. "You want to hold her?" He asked softly as Greg looked at him and nodded. He sat down in the rocking chair and felt his arms fall into position naturally as if he'd held a baby yesterday, not ten years ago. "She doesn't move much when she cries, anyway, you know what this is like." Ed smiled as he readjusted himself and placed Izzy in Greg's arms.

There was an odd flutter or anxiety as he held her and simultaneously felt like things were falling in place. He didn't know how his mind somehow got to that conclusion, how he went from feeling out of place and like a burden to feeling like things were okay, but he didn't question the feelings. He let them wash over him as he looked straight into her bright blue eyes and felt her soft body in his arms. Greg sat in silence for a few minutes, transfixed by Izzy's eyes as Ed stood a few feet away leaning on her crib. He yawned as Izzy started to calm down in Greg's arms.

"Why don't you go back to sleep?" Greg asked softly as he looked towards Ed. "I'll wait a few minutes and then put her back in her crib." Ed looked exhausted, he'd had quite a few days and it was obvious he was tired.

"You sure?" He asked seriously. He knew that Greg knew about kids and he also got the feeling that this was something he really had to do.

"Yeah, I don't have to be in work tomorrow and I'm up anyway. If I'm going to be staying with you at least let me help out a little." He said with a bit of a smile. Ed looked at him carefully before nodding.

"Okay, you know where I'll be if you need anything." Ed said before slowly leaving the room and closing the door. Izzy still whimpered a bit in Greg's arms but she had been slowly calming down and getting back to sleep as he sat and rocked with her. A few minutes passed before the door opened again and Clark peeked his head in.

"Oh, hi Mr...Greg." He corrected himself, surprised to see Greg in the room.

"Hey, Clark." He whispered as Clark stepped into the room and closed the door. "I sent your dad back to bed, she's calming down now." He explained as Clark moved closer and smiled at his sister.

"Mind if I keep you company?" Clark asked as he pulled up a chair.

"Not at all." Greg said with a smile. "You're not tired?" Clark shrugged.

"Not really. Between my homework and helping out with Izzy the past few weeks I've learned how people function with virtually no sleep." He smiled as Greg nodded. "What about you? Are you feeling any better?" He asked with a bit of concern as Greg felt his breath hitch in his throat.

"A little." He said simply as he nodded and looked towards Izzy again. He could tell that Clark wasn't quite satisfied by the answer, but he was also too polite to pursue the line of questioning. A few minutes were filled with silence, aside from Izzy's soft whimpering, before Clark spoke again.

"You know, I never understood it." He seemed to nod as he looked deeply into Izzy's eyes.

"Understood what?" Greg asked curiously. He knew that Clark didn't talk very much to Ed but he also knew that he was far more emotional than he let on.

"Why my dad did it. Why he became a cop, why he worked so many hours...why he put his life at risk for strangers." He glanced up at Greg. "I didn't understand it until I saw her." He smiled as she reached out and grabbed his extended finger, encasing her fist around it. "I thought for the longest time that he didn't care about me and mom but I get it now. He just wants to make the world safe for us. He wants to protect us from everything and his job is just his way of showing that he loves us." Greg nodded as Izzy started to fall back asleep.

"I know sometimes he has trouble showing it but he loves you, Clark. He loves you and your mom and Izzy more than anything in the world. You're right though, Ed's a good dad." Greg glanced at Clark and was surprised at how much he'd seemed to have grown in the past months, emotionally and physically. He'd just turned sixteen and somewhere in the back of his mind, Greg wondered if Dean was this sensitive, this aware of the world around him, if he understood why Greg did what he did.

"I think you are too, Greg." Clark said hesitantly. "It sounds weird but I've known you since I was really little and you've always been there for me like my dad is, I mean..." He trailed off a bit and looked away as Greg repositioned Izzy, now asleep."

"What?" Greg asked gently with a smile as Clark turned to him.

"I...I remember this time when I was little, I mean maybe five or six, and I just remember you and me and Dad and...and Dean on a playground and you guys just switching off carrying me and Dean when we did the monkey bars." Clark spoke quickly, obviously nervous as he played with his hands. Greg nodded, remembering the day as well. It was one of the good ones, he somehow wasn't drunk or hungover, it was only a few months before they'd left him. Greg got up and put Izzy gently back in her crib before returning to the rocking chair and facing Clark.

"I don't really know what happened," Clark said cautiously as he looked towards Greg. "But I do know that you were a great father and you would have been one all these years too." Clark looked away again, unsure if he was saying the right thing or if he wasn't supposed to be talking about this at all.

"I appreciate the sentiment Clark." Greg said gently after a few moments of silence. "But there's a lot that you don't see when you're six years old." Greg was him getting a bit confused as he took a few breaths and spoke again. "There are things in my past, Clark, that a lot of people don't know, moments that I'm not proud of."

"W...what do you mean?" Clark's brow was furrowed slightly as he tried to understand.

"Ten years ago I was a detective, you remember that?" Clark nodded his head as he brought up a vague memory. "Well, I was under a lot of stress and pressure and I coped with it in a really bad way." He paused for a moment, making sure that he was understanding. "I started drinking...a lot...and I didn't talk to anyone. It got really bad at times and my wife, well she'd had enough and that's when she and Dean left me." Greg tried to keep himself calm, he'd told the story a few times in different variations during negotiations or for other purposes but he was having a hard time keeping himself calm. Clark nodded but his expression made it obvious that he had a question. Greg looked at him and nodded, giving him permission to ask.

"Maybe...maybe I'm not getting it," He started off cautiously but shrugged. "but it sounds like you were kind of just lost and you needed direction and help but they left you. I mean, even if things were bad, a family is supposed to stick by you, right?" Greg was nearly in tears as Clark spoke. He nodded and took a few breaths to calm himself before speaking.

"You're right Clark...you're right." Greg said softly as he shook his head, a slight smile coming to his face. "That's what you're Dad's doing for me right now." A questioning look came to Clark's face again as Greg took a few more breaths. "Ten years ago I got sober and I hadn't had one drink these past ten years...until a few weeks ago." Greg saw Clark's eyes grow wider as he spoke. "A few days after your dad got shot, after Izzy was born, some things happened and I relapsed. And things were getting really bad but your dad saved me. He figured out what was happening and that's why I'm staying here for a little while...I'm just another person your dad is trying to protect." Clark nodded in understanding before looking up with a smile.

"Guess it makes sense then..." Clark said with a smile.

"What does?"

"Well, you're kind of a part of our family and dad always says that your team is like his second family, so I guess it just makes sense."

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><p><em>So, what do you think? Illyria13 gave me the idea for part of this conversation with Clark, so thanks (again) for that one. Tell me what you think please, pretty please. The next chapter will be more of a wrap up, epilogue-ish sort of thing so it's not going to pick up from right here. I know the ending was a little abrupt but I want to leave you guys to come to some conclusions, let me know. More to come soon, probably tonight. <em>


	23. Chapter 23

To Hell and Back-Chapter 23

_Okay, I'm going to do a long author's note at the end because I've got a lot to say but just know that I don't own Flashpoint and that I promised in the beginning to return all characters in near mint condition...I'm not sure if they're that good but I put the pieces back together. That counts for something, right?_

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><p>Almost three weeks had passed, three very long, hard weeks before Greg found himself in the locker room again. His vest felt heavy on his body but right, he smiled a bit as he laced up his boots and slipped his black baseball cap onto his head. He stood still and took a breath, feeling the air fill his lungs as he smiled and walked down a hallway towards a briefing room. He heard the laughter from the room before he went in and the attitude was almost infectious as he heard familiar voices and his smile grew.<p>

"Morning-" He couldn't get the rest of the sentence out before he was cut off by loud cheers and applause.

"The boss is back!" Spike said happily as he sat down next to Jules.

"Yep-" Greg was again cut off as Sam jogged into the room.

"Sorry I'm late, we just got off shift." He said as he took a seat between Ed and the rookie, Elroy.

"No problem, Sam." Greg said with a smile. "Okay, I think we're waiting on-"

"I'm here, I'm here." Wordy jogged into the room, a training battering ram still in his hands. He sat down near the end of the table as Greg nodded and took stock of his team, his friends.

Even though Ed and Wordy had both said that everyone would be supportive, he'd never imagined just how great they'd all been. Though they had tried to respect Greg's privacy they couldn't help from trying to get information from Ed. The day after they went on patrol and Ed found Greg they were bursting with questions and concern, much of which Ed didn't want to answer. He ended up inviting everyone over the next weekend and Greg had told them then what had happened. They were shocked, but apparently it wasn't the first time they'd thought about alcohol being the reason Greg was acting so oddly. They were supportive and they weren't judging or pitying him; he knew that it took everything Wordy and Ed had not to tell him that they'd told him so.

"So first thing's first, I want to thank you guys for everything. You've all been so helpful and supportive and I know that I wouldn't have been able to do this without your help. I'm twenty days sober and a lot of that is because of all you guys." He saw smiles come to their faces as he and Ed looked at each other for a moment. Though Ed had just started letting him sleep in his own apartment, he was still being critical of every move and every word he spoke. Greg knew it was because he cared so he tried not to let it get on his nerves too badly.

"It's been a really tough couple of weeks for all of us and I just want to throw the reminder out there that I'm always here to talk and, if you'd rather, Doc Luria said to give her a call and set up an appointment." They all nodded though he knew that it wasn't likely they'd actually take him up on either offer. The Doc had actually offered her services again after Greg had told her about the stressful psych evaluations and everything that had been going on with the team. The only thing that Greg had left out was the fact that she had mentioned it at the end of one of his appointments. He had tried to be as honest as he could with the team, they knew that he was going to meetings again and he assumed they knew that he was in counseling but only Ed and Wordy knew the other reason he was there. He hadn't thought about killing himself nearly as much since he'd stopped drinking but as his mind grew clearer and his rationality returned he questioned how he let things get so far and how his mind had even gone to that option.

"So as for changes," Greg got himself back on track as he looked around the table. "Jules, Spike, and Ed, you guys are staying put right here on Team One." He explained. Even though they all knew that aspect, there was still a look of relief on their faces. Jules had stayed strong throughout the past few weeks and Greg had never really worried about her reaction to things. Spike on the other hand, had been a major worry of Greg's. He was overwhelmed by guilt, something Greg could identify with but at this point couldn't help him with. Overall, he seemed to be at least better rested and a little more relaxed. Greg hadn't had a chance to really sit down and talk to him yet but he assumed that the counseling was working a bit. Spike had the kind of personality that made him open to the idea, it was the circumstances that Greg worried he wouldn't be able to overcome. As far as he knew, Spike still hadn't patched things up with his father but he also made no mentions of quitting, so for now things were at an even keel, even if it was a tenuous one.

"Sam, next week your probation is up and you can come back to Team One." Greg smiled as he saw pure glee on Sam's face. Ed patted him on the back as he nodded towards Greg. He'd had to put his neck on this line for this one but he'd convinced Hollaran that Sam would fit much better with Team One. It wasn't that he didn't fit with Team Two but apparently he'd just never meshed much with the other members of the team. Hollaran was reluctant but he agreed to give them another chance.

"Elroy, you're going to take Sam's spot on Team Two." Greg explained as the rookie nodded. He'd known about what was happening and he'd done his part in helping out while Ed and the others were preoccupied but he also knew well enough that he was never a tried and true member of Team One.

"Wordy," Greg saw him tense a bit as everyone looked towards him. "We're still waiting for word on your latest medical and if you'll get a different clearance but right now you'll stay on as a training officer." Wordy nodded sadly. He was glad to have a job at the SRU but Greg knew that he was disappointed that he couldn't play a bigger part. "And we're going to need you next week Wordy because we finally start recruiting for our seventh spot." Everyone looked around anxiously, not sure wether to be happy about the news or nervous.

"I know that Leah left kind of abruptly, she was needed with her family and we tried to hold out for as long as we could but with everything that's been happening we need to make sure we have a full team now." They all nodded, understanding the decision and hoping that their new guy would work out.

"Okay, we're running drills and doing workouts today," Greg announced in a bit of a lighter tone. "but before we head out does anyone have anything to say?" Greg asked. He felt like his words weren't enough right now, that they hadn't accurately gotten across all of the gratitude and the joy that he'd been feeling. Spike smiled, he should have known it would be Spike to have something to add.

"We're just glad to have you back boss." He said simply, a smile reaching his eyes for the first time in a long time.

"I'm glad to be back." Greg agreed and waited a moment before looking at Ed.

"Okay, all of you out to the field in full gear, we're doing some sprints." He smiled as he heard groans from all of them. "Let's go." He said loudly as they all got up from the table and headed to the locker rooms.

"Sam," Ed called out as he saw Sam following Spike and Wordy towards the locker rooms. "not you." Ed tried to hold back laughter as Sam remembered. "You just finished a shift, go home and sleep. They'll be plenty of time for sprints next week when you're officially back on the team." He nodded and headed the other direction as Greg and Ed both laughed. Ed turned towards Greg, a bit more serious.

"So Hollaran was good with all this?" He asked, his eyebrow raised a bit. Greg shrugged.

"He owed me a favor and I told him that we'll have another evaluation in six months and then he can rethink things." Greg nodded as he gathered a few papers that were on the table.

"That was it?" He asked skeptically.

"Well, I owe him a few favors now," Greg smiled. "but we've just got to tread really careful and make sure everyone's good. He didn't want to split us up to begin with, you've got to know that Eddie." Ed nodded.

"I know he didn't." He agreed before he moved a little closer. "And you told him about everything else?" Ed asked calmly. Greg had come in a few days after he originally called and took vacation to let the Commander know what was really going on and, though he wasn't happy, he was glad to know that Greg was taking care of things.

"He knows everything the team knows." Greg said with a significant look. He knew that Greg had left out the details about the gun and the thoughts, those were the kind of signs that could permanently sideline him. Though he didn't like the idea of leaving that information out of the story, he also understood why it was necessary.

"Alright then," Ed said with a nod. "You ready for this?" He asked as they started to walk out to the field.

"Ready for anything now, Eddie." He smiled as he saw the team outside, already dragging the dummies and gear from the shed. "Ready for anything." He repeated softly as he smiled his first real smile in a long time; the pieces of his life finally falling into place, finally fitting together, finally feeling whole.

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><p><em>Okay, not sure I like that ending but there is no more. I don't really do epilogues but I needed something to end this one so let me know what you think. So I've got a ton to say right now, bare with me. <em>

_1. Thank so much to all of you who have been loyally reading and reviewing. Hearing your reactions and feedback really make my day and really motivate me so Ace-Bullets, KiwiHunch, Tiny05, all the other people that have really taken the time to write a quick review, thank you. _

_2. I bounced ideas off a lot of people for this one and though none of them were official beta readers, StarNobleMocha and Illyria13, thank you so much for the direction and the tips. Also, fanfictionfan63, though inadvertent, you helped me a lot so thanks also. _

_3. I feel like I've got to get this in there again but if you're on Facebook, like "Flashpoint Team One," it's a page run directly by the producers and there are going to be contests and give aways the next few weeks on top of discussions and some promised behind the scene pictures from new episodes. _

_4. Longest Author's note ever, sorry but thank so much. This story is over but I've got more ideas brewing so keep an eye out for some one-shots soon. You guys are awesome. _


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